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Abstract

r being people who bring good times, but you might not actually tell them what’s going on in your life or invite them to more intimate gatherings unless you also bonded via DEC.</li><li><b>Goal-Oriented Stuff. </b>This is my typical go-to, and it’s the bonding that happens when you do stuff together. It’s the bond you might have with a business partner or a bond that you have with someone that works in your field. Typical outings would be making art together or trying to film something.</li><li><b>Instagrammable Connections. </b>These are the people that you hang out with just for the status of saying you hang out with them. A lot of these people tend to be very good-looking or low-key famous. I assure you, you won’t see me on anyone’s Instagram feed for these reasons. I’m not an Instagram connect.</li></ul><h1 id="2756">Some types of bonding are easier to develop than others.</h1><figure id="6ddf"><img src="https://cdn-images-1.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:800/1*DQJXbCFsQkwjaCg8vrKTqg.jpeg"><figcaption>Author pulling a strange stunt for Symbols Magazine at EXXXOTICA</figcaption></figure><p id="2bc6">For me, the easiest one to do is Goal-Oriented Stuff. I work best when I am surrounded by friends who do the same stuff as me. I like doing stuff that opens my eyes to the world, or at least turns a profit. It also gives me excuses to do weird things like pole dance at a porn convention.</p><p id="8868">Productivity makes me feel good and gives me something to talk about in times when I otherwise would be silent. That’s why so many of my close friends were on missions with me of some sort — be it work, the party set up, or even interviews.</p><p id="6539">If I am not doing something, I tend to lose my ability to talk to people quickly. It probably has something to do with the fact that I didn’t really have many friends growing up, or because I had to be work-oriented in order to get a decent lifestyle going on.</p><p id="1457">For others, partying and close connections tend to be easier. I still kind of look in awe towards people who can go to a club and then get invited for dinner and drinks the morning after. Or heck, how do salesmen get so popular? Fuck if I know.</p><p id="fd37">Still, I try to work on it. I ask questions, try to learn more about people, etc. It’s a skill set, and it’s one that I have a way harder time with than most when it comes to getting in with people.</p><p id="a877">I

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struggle particularly badly with groups. Sometimes, I honestly feel like I “just don’t have the sauce” for group outings. Does anyone else get that way?</p><h1 id="db7b">The Pandemic made things a little harder for me, too.</h1><figure id="0386"><img src="https://cdn-images-1.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:800/0*obV-W67Le08ypUBf"><figcaption>Photo by <a href="https://unsplash.com/@edwinhooper?utm_source=medium&utm_medium=referral">Edwin Hooper</a> on <a href="https://unsplash.com?utm_source=medium&utm_medium=referral">Unsplash</a></figcaption></figure><p id="4f44">What little work I was able to make on bonding and getting a squad together kind of got wiped out by the pandemic. It was rough, to say the least. My skills backslid due to isolation, so it just kinda turned into a shitshow.</p><p id="e577">These days, I started to get to the point where I prefer outings to last an hour to two max. Why? Because after that, I run out of ideas on what to talk about or what to do to entertain people. Maybe I became an introvert? I don’t know.</p><p id="3a96">The people who I bond with now are almost exclusively people who want to start projects. That’s just how I roll, and honestly? It’s been good for my wallet. While I can definitely pull crazy stunts at a party, that’s just not me anymore.</p><h1 id="774c">Trust me, you’re not alone if you are having a hard time connecting.</h1><figure id="f0a9"><img src="https://cdn-images-1.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:800/0*umcMTOrYvKCjc-uS"><figcaption>Photo by <a href="https://unsplash.com/@claytonrobbins?utm_source=medium&utm_medium=referral">Clayton Robbins</a> on <a href="https://unsplash.com?utm_source=medium&utm_medium=referral">Unsplash</a></figcaption></figure><p id="bf44">It’s not just you. People today are harder to connect with. It feels awkward talking to people face to face, if only because we’re all out of practice with it. What can we do? Well, I make a point of letting people come over to my apartment whenever possible.</p><p id="c217">Other than work towards learning new social skills, there’s not much else we can do. Personally, though? I’ve learned to be okay at being awkward and I’ve learned to embrace the connections I <i>do </i>have rather than the ones I don’t.</p><figure id="9199"><img src="https://cdn-images-1.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:800/1*QCQqlZr6doDP-cszzpaSpw.png"><figcaption></figcaption></figure></article></body>

Confession: I Have A Hard Time Bonding With People

There seem to be four types of bonding that can happen…and I excel in only one in most cases.

Does anyone else get a little envious of the person who can walk into a room and all of a sudden bond with everyone there? I know I sure as hell do. Though I am superficially charismatic, the truth is that I am very awkward in person once you get to know me.

It’s been something that’s always happened to me, ever since I was young. I just…don’t do the thing that makes people bond with me. This led to me doing stuff like inserting myself into conversations, trying to ask people stuff with awkward results, and even crashing parties.

Sometime around the pandemic, I just kinda folded into myself a lot more. I started to focus on projects I wanted and work on, and honestly, it helped me a lot. It was taking that step back that helped me realize what’s up…

I noticed that there are three types of friendship bonds that happen with people.

So, I love bonding with people but I also observe what types of friendships are out there. I noticed that I tend to have one type of friendship more than others. But, let’s take a look at the different friendship bonding types I noticed:

Deep Emotional Connections. These are the people you run to when you want to vent, or when you want to share a major moment in your life. They may not be the ones that you invite to a party, though. It’s a 1 on 1. Typical outings would be over dinner or over drinks at a bar.
Party Connections. These are the people who you tend to party with or game with. They are mostly known for being people who bring good times, but you might not actually tell them what’s going on in your life or invite them to more intimate gatherings unless you also bonded via DEC.
Goal-Oriented Stuff. This is my typical go-to, and it’s the bonding that happens when you do stuff together. It’s the bond you might have with a business partner or a bond that you have with someone that works in your field. Typical outings would be making art together or trying to film something.
Instagrammable Connections. These are the people that you hang out with just for the status of saying you hang out with them. A lot of these people tend to be very good-looking or low-key famous. I assure you, you won’t see me on anyone’s Instagram feed for these reasons. I’m not an Instagram connect.

Some types of bonding are easier to develop than others.

Author pulling a strange stunt for Symbols Magazine at EXXXOTICA

For me, the easiest one to do is Goal-Oriented Stuff. I work best when I am surrounded by friends who do the same stuff as me. I like doing stuff that opens my eyes to the world, or at least turns a profit. It also gives me excuses to do weird things like pole dance at a porn convention.

Productivity makes me feel good and gives me something to talk about in times when I otherwise would be silent. That’s why so many of my close friends were on missions with me of some sort — be it work, the party set up, or even interviews.

If I am not doing something, I tend to lose my ability to talk to people quickly. It probably has something to do with the fact that I didn’t really have many friends growing up, or because I had to be work-oriented in order to get a decent lifestyle going on.

For others, partying and close connections tend to be easier. I still kind of look in awe towards people who can go to a club and then get invited for dinner and drinks the morning after. Or heck, how do salesmen get so popular? Fuck if I know.

Still, I try to work on it. I ask questions, try to learn more about people, etc. It’s a skill set, and it’s one that I have a way harder time with than most when it comes to getting in with people.

I struggle particularly badly with groups. Sometimes, I honestly feel like I “just don’t have the sauce” for group outings. Does anyone else get that way?

The Pandemic made things a little harder for me, too.

What little work I was able to make on bonding and getting a squad together kind of got wiped out by the pandemic. It was rough, to say the least. My skills backslid due to isolation, so it just kinda turned into a shitshow.

These days, I started to get to the point where I prefer outings to last an hour to two max. Why? Because after that, I run out of ideas on what to talk about or what to do to entertain people. Maybe I became an introvert? I don’t know.

The people who I bond with now are almost exclusively people who want to start projects. That’s just how I roll, and honestly? It’s been good for my wallet. While I can definitely pull crazy stunts at a party, that’s just not me anymore.

Trust me, you’re not alone if you are having a hard time connecting.

It’s not just you. People today are harder to connect with. It feels awkward talking to people face to face, if only because we’re all out of practice with it. What can we do? Well, I make a point of letting people come over to my apartment whenever possible.

Other than work towards learning new social skills, there’s not much else we can do. Personally, though? I’ve learned to be okay at being awkward and I’ve learned to embrace the connections I do have rather than the ones I don’t.