Compulsory stories for every writer on Medium
You aren’t a Medium writer until you do this
No writer’s journey on Medium is complete without the following list.
1. The secrets of Medium curation
Because I love fooling a gullible and tricking newbies into believing that I’m the God here. In my head, I’m still figuring out this platform — and ways to make money.
2. The anatomy of my first/second/nth viral story
Because like most writers, I’m a narcissist. Dissecting my article’s earnings will show I’ve cracked the Medium formula(and find myself more followers). In the real world, I had no clue how that story even worked.
3. Addressing writer’s block
Oh, I don’t know what to write now. Neither had I heard of this term before. But sharing some random advice on it might just help in printing my article for the day. Because, on Medium an article a day, keeps the anxiety away.
4. On writing regularly
Well, I can’t keep publishing on writer’s block daily, so let’s post this every now and then. Insert *ideal routine*, *ideal workplace to find a peak zone*, *and other related things which I never did*.
5. X ways to do Y
Because I’m a lazy writer and also readers love listicles of unsolicited advice. Besides stories like these have found success in the past so let me just piggyback! In my head, the X ways to do Y never worked. Not for me at least.
6. Lessons learned from *Insert a famous person/personality here*
Oh, well, that'll make the reader believe I’m a prodigy and have things sorted. Let’s insert quotes to make it sound more pretentious. And that sells, sometimes! In reality, I don’t even know if *insert famous person here* exists. And have never followed their advice. But I have their Wikipedia info and history on the web to scramble together an article quickly.
7. My journey to success on Medium
Because I made a few bucks at the stroke of luck. Let’s start preaching that under-dog story everyone buys into — from being broke to financially independent. It’ll entice the readers into believing that there’s a formula for success. And yeah, I’ll tag the other famous writers to show that I belong to a coveted club. Success sells!
8. Creating my own publication
Because I love how the Founder/CEO tag looks good on some LinkedIn profiles. But I wouldn’t get that in a lifetime. Maybe the editor tagline could do it for now?
9. Thank you, everyone
Oh, my dopamine levels are so high that I’d even bless my ex. But let’s blabber about gratitude to ensure my journey still looks like a success. So, I thank the followers, I thank my editors and the curators for bestowing me with the top writer tags and the whole platform — because I am a self-indulgent writer who wants more attention than a new-born baby.
10. Why you aren’t making money on Medium
Because writing an article for those who aren’t making money(which includes the majority) sounds like a new idea. Also, it’ll intimidate other writers who were already suffering from low self-esteem. Also, because my earnings just dropped! But revealing that wouldn’t fit well with my older narratives. Shush! Don’t tell this to anyone.
11. Curation isn’t working for me
Because I’d rather rant on how curation isn’t fair than realize that my writing sucks. Also, because I live in disbelief and denial mode. So, let’s drop an advice and hint towards starting my own blogging platform(PS: Though I have no intention of starting one). It’ll bring sympathy at least.
12. Articles starting with the C-word
Since I’ll do anything to go viral. And stories featuring the C-word have a great chance. Or at least I think so. Because I’m delusional.
The wishlist of stories might end here, but to come full circle I’ll write an “I Quit Medium” story sometime, only to return back.
As a closing note here’s some advice. Yes, it’s serious! I’d just say to avoid the four C’s — comparing, competing, complaining, and criticizing. It’ll bring a lot of peace to a writer’s mind on Medium. Stop taking yourself, too seriously.
Thanks for reading. If you liked what you read, check out this story below: