Comparison The Killer of Joy

Comparison does not lead to joy or productivity

“I will not reason and compare: my business is to create.” William Blake

Mostly getting the work done isn’t easy. Getting the words on to paper in some sort of order takes time, and effort, and time and effort, and, well you get the picture. It’s hard, and can feel harder still when all those writerly people who inhabit your world seem to be doing all the things; writing all the words, publishing all the posts, growing their blog or substack or just generally looking like incredible human beings.

Recently we celebrated my Mum’s 80th birthday with a party in her garden. It was a joyful occasion, sunny and warm and full of friends and laughter and good wishes.

The most joyful moment for me however, came when I watched my blond haired, butter wouldn’t melt in his mouth, primary school age nephew with the birthday cake he had made for my mum. Beaming from ear to ear, he carried it proudly around the garden offering all the guests a piece of the cake with the words “would you like some of the cake I have made?” There were other more professionally and less wonky cakes available but he wasn’t intimidated, he wasn’t making a comparison. He was simply proud of what he had produced and not afraid to show it.

As we become adults we lose that sense of pride in our own work. We often replace it with ‘it’s not good enough’ or ‘it’s nothing compared to what she has done’ or we say ‘I could never do that’. We get caught up in pointless game of comparison and somehow lose ourselves and what we are trying to create along the way.

Why wouldn’t we play the comparison game?

If we open ourselves up to social media, we are constantly bombarded with the glossy, productive, fully formed creative lives of others. We see beautifully organised desks, we see links to cleverly written books, and articles, and podcasts. We see what we presume to be a full and creatively productive life.

Of course what we are really seeing is a snapshot, the edited highlights with all the gloss and polish. We are seeing the sparkly finale.

The writing life is a solitary life, so we don’t see the behind the scenes bits. We don’t see the furrowed brows, the screwed up drafts, the doubts, the endless doubts. Who wants to share those? Of course we want to only share the best bit of ourselves, even though it’s all the grubby bits in the background which are the essentials to creating the perfectly edited final scene.

“Comparison is the thief of joy” Theodore Roosevelt

Theodore Roosevelt famously said “comparison is the thief of joy”, and of course he was right, but comparison doesn’t just steal joy, it steals productivity. The two are intimately connected. When we produce, we feel joy.

When we compare ourselves, it can lead to feelings of failure. If we feel we are failing, fear sets in, and when fear sets in we don’t create anything. We become trapped in this cycle of thinking I’m not good enough, so what’s the point of even trying. And so we don’t.

Comparison does not lead to joy.

Joy comes from working away at that thing you love, embracing the bad days and using them to really help you value the good ones. Joy comes from producing something which has taken a lot of hard work and determination. Joy comes from being brave enough to follow your own path. Joy comes from recognising your productivity is yours alone and to be celebrated, however small it might feel.

We are all at different stages in our creative lives. In a world where we have the opportunity to consume so much content from others, we sometimes forget we are all on our own paths, My path is not your path. We may be aiming for a similar destination, but we will approach via different roads. Sometimes we will take diversions into other places which lead to wonderful opportunities, and sometimes we may feel we have reached a dead end, and need to shift gear into reverse and find a way back.

None of this matters. What matters is to just keep on keeping on.

We are good enough. You are good enough