Comparison Isn’t The Thief Of Joy, It’s The Secret To It

“Comparison is thief of the joy.”

I’m sure we’ve all heard that expression, and in the event you haven’t, it’s not hard to imagine where the truth lies in it.

We’ve all compared ourselves to someone we do or don’t know, whether that’s a family member or a celebrity —we've done it.

And often, the inspiration for our comparison is desire.

It’s always something we wish we had/were, or something we wish we’d achieved/experienced — it’s nothing but gluttony.

It’s no shock that comparison is the thief of joy since there is no end to desire.

And that’s the crux of the issue.

It doesn’t end.

It’s a completely paradoxical concept.

Desire leads us to pursue satisfaction through acquisition, but once acquisition has occurred, what remains to satisfy us?

Nothing but bigger, unacquired desires.

However, this is just one side of the coin.

Contrary to the expression, comparison can often be a source of joy, especially when the comparison is introspective.

Simply appreciating how far you’ve come is fundamentally comparative, but it doesn’t rob you of joy.

Rather, the act of appreciating growth through comparison is a source of joy and motivation.

Even though comparison is the thief of joy, depending on the conditions in which it occurs, it can also be turned into a weapon for the reclamation of joy.

There’s always two sides

I’ve always been a strong believer that in everything there is balance, albeit cliché.

It’s easy to draw truth from idioms such as,

“where there is darkness, there must be light,"

because we can see it in our lives.

The most common example of this duality is the concept of yin and yang.

But what most misunderstand is that balance isn’t always objectively obvious; rather, it takes a subjective approach to appreciate this position.

And the tool to realise the complete picture — the ‘subjective approach"—is perspective.

Perspective is the key which turns comparison from a thief of joy into a key to joy.

Here’s an example of how a lack of perspective cripples us.

Ryan Holiday, in his book “Ego is the Enemy” writes about passionate individuals.

More specifically, about how a poorly painted perception of passion has led people to believe that successful people are passionate people, therefore passion is the route to success.

We fail to acknowledge, however, that passionate people are also hyper-unsuccessful people.

So, does the same conclusion still follow?

From that perspective, of course not.

However, through the popularisation of certain narratives, we often accept them as objective truths without subjective consideration.

And that’s the problem.

We often neglect seeking balance in everything, but if we didn't, would we act the same?

This is the power of perspective.

Based on the lens you place over your eyes, your reality alters.

The question therefore becomes, what lens do you have over your eyes now?

Let’s analyse it through comparison.

Comparison needs to be the thief of joy.

Although I’ve referred to this quote before, Ryan Holiday raises a poignant point about mastery.

Section 1:

“We don’t like thinking that someone is better than us. Or that we have a lot left to learn. We want to be done. We want to be ready. We’re busy and overburdened.

Section 2:

For this reason, updating your appraisal of your talents in a downward direction is one of the most difficult things to do in life — but it is almost always a component of mastery.

The pretence of knowledge is our most dangerous vice, because it prevents us from getting any better. Studious self-assessment is the antidote.”

In Section 1, he explains how comparison can be the thief of joy.

It’s purely because we are resistant to the reality that we are incompetent and lacking, and comparison acts as a constant reminder of this harsh reality.

If that desire is something that we cannot innately overcome, and comparison will always be a thief of joy, then what if comparison needs to be the thief of joy?

Personally, whenever I compare myself to someone else, the reason it affects me is because I understand the difference between us.

I understand that what they achieved was also achievable for me, yet I still don’t measure up.

However, it’s so easy to reach the above conclusion and be envious, but that is a choice.

You get to choose what lens you don over your eyes.

It’s equally easy to see the fruit of analysing your comparative incompetency, as it teaches you a lesson through failure.

But that must start with the willingness to consider more options and seek balance.

In Section 2, Ryan describes how self-assessment, which leads to you being appreciative of how ineffective you are, is necessary for growth and a key component of mastery.

Clearly, comparison, from the perspective of improvement, allows room for both humility and direction in your life.

Because it dampens your ego and keeps you rooted in reality.

In the words of Ryan Holiday, comparison from this perspective of growth must be equivalent to “updating your appraisal of your talents in a downward direction.”

He also writes that,

“the pretence of knowledge is our most dangerous vice, because it prevents us from getting any better”

In other words, becoming comfortable, complacent, or, might I say, joyous with our current situation is the biggest factor shackling our growth.

Therefore, if comparison forces you to “appraise your talents in a downward direction” which is “almost always a component of mastery” then immediate joy must be a worthy temporary sacrifice for the achievement of your long-term goals.

Or rather, a necessary sacrifice in order to achieve them.

It’s not farfetched to propose that comparison, from the perspective of growth, is quite literally a form of “studious self-assessment"—the antidote to ego.

Notice how easy it is to use perspective for the purposes of your growth when you choose to seek it.

I’ve personally seen this in myself countless times.

But one example has never left me.

One of my friends told me a little bit about themselves and their personal lives, and what struck me the most were the things that were normal to them.

From a young age, they had to take on the role of parents to their younger siblings whilst balancing school and other personal pursuits.

Whether it was financial or even custodial, they took up the mantle to make sure that they were provided for.

And to them, it was nothing; it was simply life.

It’s easy to hear about conventionally unorthodox experiences like that, where individuals have been forced to make a way from nothing, and feel small in comparison — especially those who are young and still finding their feet.

But why let that comparison steal joy from you permanently?

Why extensively focus on how much further they have walked?

Why extensively focus on what you haven’t?

So often, we forget the answer is right before us.

If you can see how far ahead they are, stop looking and chase!

The answer is right there!

Sometimes, we first need to feel the dejection that follows comparison in order to receive a well-needed kick up the backside in the form of a reality check and actually act.

Don the lens of growth, and find inspiration in their resilience and ingenuity; don’t feel intimidated.

There is always a lesson to be learnt, but some of us allow vital lessons to slip past our clutches simply because we have the wrong lens covering our eyes — and we pay for it HORRIBLY later on!

Yes, from one perspective, comparison is the thief of joy, but it can also be the key to your success and overall long-term happiness.

YOU DECIDE.

LM