Comparison Is The Curse Of Being Human; But Who Should You Compare Yourself To?

Comparison is inevitable.

No human is a self-contained unit. No matter what we accomplish, we are doomed to measure our success against the yardstick of what others have accomplished.

Success is, therefore, relative.

But who exactly should we compare ourselves to?

Some say we should compare ourselves to those that are worse off than we are. This is the cornerstone of gratitude.

You lost your job. So what? You live in a country with a social safety net; welfare will save you.

Your house burned down. Well, at least you had a house. Think about the millions of people in the world that call mud huts their home. Oh and — insurance will save you.

You tore a ligament and can no longer enjoy your invigorating morning runs. Don’t complain! Don’t you know there are people in the world with no legs?

Some say we should compare ourselves to people that are better off than we are. These people give us something to aspire to. And aspiration is the cornerstone of personal growth.

Your article on Medium has 10 fans. So what? That other writer got 20 in 10 minutes. That is what you should aim for.

You finally traded in your tin can for a shiny, new Honda City. So what? Your neighbor drives a Tesla Model X. That is what you should aspire to.

You got a big promotion at work. So what? Your business school classmate built a new app in his garage and just got featured on the cover of Forbes.

Wait a minute….

What is wrong with this picture?

When something terrible happens, we are urged to compare ourselves to those that are worse off than we are. So we never have permission to complain.

When something great happens, we feel obligated to compare ourselves to everyone better off than we are. So we never allow ourselves to fully celebrate.

Why? Are we not allowed to be human?

Here’s a better idea…

When terrible things happen…. Allow yourself to mourn. It sucks to lose your job, to injure your leg, or to have your house burn down. Other people’s struggles do not make yours any less valid.

And when great things happen…Allow yourself a fist pump and a self-congratulatory pat on the back. Be proud of those 10 fans, that new car you can finally afford, and that promotion you worked hard for. Your achievements stand on their own. They do not need to be validated in the shadow of others’ wins.

If you must compare — it is the human condition, after all — compare yourself to those that share your path.

It is okay to feel envy that your running buddy continues to merrily sprint along while you sit on the sidelines. Wouldn’t you feel relief if your roles were switched?

It is okay to feel the sweet flush of victory over others in your department that were in line for that promotion. Wouldn’t you feel the misery of defeat if your roles were reversed?

It is unreasonable to expect that you will stop comparing yourself to others. You are human, after all.

But if you must compare, at least do yourself a favor and even the playing field.

Compare like with like. Compare yourself to those around you with similar backgrounds, skills, income and physical fitness levels. Run the race against those that stand beside you at the starting line.

Be kind to yourself. You deserve it.