Comparison: A Powerful Tool When Utilized Correctly
The secret of how you can use comparison to your advantage.
One of the most common bits of advice you’ll hear is that you shouldn’t compare yourself to others.
I hear this often, especially because I’ve struggled with comparing myself, my body, my success, and my level of intellect to others for years.
While comparing yourself can lead to frustration and even psychological torment, it can actually benefit you when utilized correctly.
I’ve compared myself to influencers, friends, even strangers I saw on the street.
Some of them inspired me to take a look at myself and acknowledge there were things I needed to address, and some also left me feeling like I could never be as good or as smart.
Comparison is a double-edged sword. It can make you feel inspired and excited about life — but it can also make you feel like crap about everything.
Why we compare ourselves to others:
In 1954, Psychologist Leon Festinger said the reason why people compare themselves to others is to fulfill one of our most basic human desires: the need for self-evaluation.
He called this process social comparison theory. It’s the idea that people come to know about themselves — their own abilities, successes, and personality — by comparing themselves with others.
As people, we’re designed to understand ourselves. This desire is what makes us look up at the stars and ponder our life purpose. It keeps us scrolling through quotes that resonate with our emotions or repeat songs that pull at our heartstrings.
According to Festinger, this powerful and inevitable need to evaluate ourselves can only be done in reference to something (or someone) else because human beings aren’t capable of defining themselves independently.
We can only define ourselves in relation to someone else and our tendency to compare ourselves to another person increases based on the commonalities and similarities we find in another individual.
In other words, the more similar you find yourself to someone else in a way you think is important, the more you tend to compare yourself to that person.
You won’t compare yourself to Jeff Bezos, but you’ll compare yourself to your colleague or a friend.
Comparing ourselves to others is a natural human tendency and isn’t necessarily bad, depending on how you’re going about it.
For instance, by comparing yourself right now to the version of yourself last year or even two years ago, you can see the progress you’ve made as an individual.
Or if you compare a particular skill of yours that you’ve been working on from a few months ago to right now — the progress of it can be inspiring.
I watch old YouTube videos of mine from two years ago and compare them to my most recent ones. The growth is massive. I’ve learned a lot about editing and how to make things more visually appealing.
The same goes for my writing; while it’s still a skill I’m working on, if you take an article of mine from two years ago to a new one — the growth is evident.
Comparison allows us to form a baseline for where we are in life and where we want to be. It allows us to calibrate ourselves against our peers and the people we look up to.
It can also give us a sense of how we measure up, which is valuable information for self-improvement. Without the ability to compare ourselves, we have no way of knowing whether we’ve progressed at all.
So, in essence, comparison can be an incredibly powerful tool when used correctly. It can motivate you to work harder, strive for more, and improve yourself.
The problem with comparing ourselves:
While comparison can be an incredible motivator, it can also deter you from doing something and negatively impact your mental health.
For instance, when you’re scrolling through social media and comparing yourself to someone you deem as “better than you” in some shape or form, you might start to think,
“I’ll never be able to do that,” or “I’ll never be as good at that as that person,” or “I’ll never get to that level.”
You start to feel insecure about yourself. Frustrated with where you’re at and why other people have it so “easy.”
You’re only paying attention to the surface.
“The reason why we struggle with insecurity is because we compare our behind the scenes with everyone else’s highlight reel.” — Steven Furtick.
The secret of how you can use comparison to your advantage:
Instead of looking at others and wishing you were in their shoes, you need to start asking yourself, “How can I get to that level?”
- How can I get as healthy as x?
- How can I have the opportunity to travel as much as this person does?
- How can I add value to other peoples’ lives too?
- How can I create something as cool as their business?
- How can I grow an audience like theirs?
You get the point.
Keep in mind that while comparisons can deter you from doing something, they can also push you into doing something.
For example, if you want to lose weight and get fit, but whenever you go on social media and see fitness influencers looking incredible and athletic, comparisons can make you more reluctant to continue doing it.
You perceive that person as being better than you are and decide you don’t want to even try because you think you won’t ever get to their level.
You give up without even taking your shot.
When I first got into fitness, I felt like a complete joke. My closest friends in LA were seasoned fitness influencers with perfect bodies and flawless skin to match. Whenever I stepped foot into the gym, I felt out of place and overwhelmed.
When someone stopped me mid-exercise to tell me I was doing it incorrectly and could hurt myself, I was so embarrassed I didn’t go back for days.
It’s been over 3 years since that happened. I work out daily now, and I don’t let comparison hold me back from making progress within my goals. If I get frustrated, or jealous, I let it fuel me to work harder.
If you let it hold you back, you’re not doing anyone any favors. You’re just letting yourself decline.
The bottom line:
The truth is, there will always be someone doing what you’re doing, and they might do it better than you; they might not.
They might have years of experience on you. They might be naturally gifted.
There might just be a simple gap in knowledge. Either way, them doing their thing should never deter you from giving something you want your full attention and full effort.
Instead of looking at what others are doing and resenting them for doing it well, look at those people and learn from them. Let yourself be inspired by them, and watch how much further that gets you.