Coming Undone? 5 Steps to Overcome Sadness

I am not okay — reckless daredevils leap from my eyes; cliff-diving teardrops, head first, all the way to the ground — I am coming undone.

What’s happening? What’s wrong with me?

I am feeling all the feelings, then, all of a sudden.. nothing… absolutely nothing. As I realize my sadness, I instantly feel helpless — angry; I allow myself to yell and scream so I can feel something, anything.

My vision blurs: I use the back of my hands as windshield wipers — my knuckles and fingers try desperately to dry my face; now my hands are sobbing wet — I can’t even succeed at wiping away tears — I’m a failure.

I hide in music — my “sad playlist,” volume on full. Emotions crash like waves inside the vacuum of my skull. Finally; I take comfort in a melody flowing sweetly through my ears — desperately trying to calm and counteract the waves within.

On comes Duran Duran’s 1993 hit: Come Undone and the lyrics:

“Who do you need, who do you love when you come undone.”

Something about those words resonates — and stays with me. It takes weeks that fold into months, and finally — I discover the answer, my answer:

I allow myself to surrender — to fall — all the way — hopelessly, helplessly, therapeutically — in Love, with myself.

For the first time, I finally believe: “I am lovable,” “I am enough,” and “I can meet my own needs.”

How I overcome sadness — with your permission, here is my guide:

1. Cry

Let it flow, let it pour, let it all go!

From our friends at Wikipedia (paraphrased):

Fact: In healthy mammalian eyes, basal tears lubricate 24-hours a day, and emotional tears cleanse on demand. According to our Wiki friends, tears include at least a dozen substances and when we cry they also include Leu-enkephalin (a natural painkiller).

Nature helps us manage the pain of emotional stress; crying is healthy.

2. Write

Even if you’re not a writer, write!

Paulo Coelho distils it beautifully:

“Tears are words that need to be written.”

I agree; wholeheartedly: Write a letter or an email — to anyone or everyone — and never send it. Write to yourself in a journal, diary or Post-it note.

Deeply personal words permit you to free yourself; entirely.

Be honest — vulnerable — hold nothing back; after all this is your life, and you are in charge.

3. Move

Stand up, stretch, walk, run, exercise or have someone move you if you can’t or won’t!

You’re doing fantastic!

You are being honest with your emotions and expressing your most intimate thoughts in writing; it’s now time to reward yourself by spending time outside — of your head.

Start by moving or being moved — this is your time — to reconnect with your inner-awesome, even if you don’t feel that way, yet.

You come first now — own it.

4. Give

Give something to someone else.

When we connect selflessly with our human family, it comes back to us. Set out to perform a simple, selfless act. Give your time, money or items to a charity, cause or person that makes you feel good.

My favourite quote by Maya Angelou:

“I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.”

Handwrite a card or hit up social media and write something that overwhelms another person with kindness, praise and love — so they never forget — how you made them feel.

Now that you are moving out of your head and into your heart give away a smile or a warm hello to a stranger, it just might make their entire day. It certainly makes mine.

Give your body a healthy treat. Give your mind a healthy distraction — a fresh juice or smoothie, a good book or a walk in nature (all personal favourites).

Give until you can’t give any more — if you want to — and then stop: for now. Remember: It’s all about balance.

Pat yourself on the back, you are almost there!

5. Receive

Life is a balancing act; always.

To restore your balance and honour the stability of our human family, we must receive as often as we give. Receive openly, thoughtfully and graciously. It’s your birthright.

Enjoy it, thoroughly — you earned it!

6. Bonus

You are the bonus.

You are the only person in the world exactly like you.

You are an equal and cherished part of the human family; you are loved and deserve happiness — you have so much to give and receive; always.

It’s time to feel grateful, harness your inner hero and capture your dreams.

If all else fails:

Take it one day, and one step at a time.

Congratulations, you are human, and you are beautiful. Celebrate your win!

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For added emotion, reread the piece while listening to Duran Duran (1993). Come Undone.