Summary

John Teehan, a 55-year-old writer, reflects on his recent realization and exploration of ADHD, which he suspects has been a lifelong condition, and discusses the impact of this potential diagnosis on his life and work.

Abstract

John Teehan, at 55, is exploring the possibility of having ADHD, a journey prompted by an influx of neurodivergent content on his social media feeds. He shares his experiences with symptoms such as constant internal dialogue, sensory overload, anxiety, procrastination, and hyperfocus, and acknowledges that his condition may have been present throughout his life. Teehan finds solace in the discovery that he is not alone, as friends and colleagues also navigate similar challenges and have reported positive outcomes from treatment. Despite having developed personal coping mechanisms, he recognizes the limitations of these strategies under increased life pressures. Teehan is optimistic about the potential benefits of a formal diagnosis and treatment, viewing it as an opportunity to improve his productivity and well-being, despite some concerns about societal perceptions and the fear of using ADHD as an excuse for personal shortcomings.

Opinions

Teehan attributes the awakening to his ADHD symptoms partly to social media algorithms, which have exposed him to content related to neurodivergence.
He believes that not everyone's brain functions like his and that his experiences with ADHD symptoms are not universal.
Teehan is encouraged by the positive experiences of friends and colleagues who have sought treatment for ADHD, which has motivated him to pursue a diagnosis.
He is introspective about his own coping mechanisms, acknowledging their benefits but also their limitations, especially under recent increased life pressures.
Teehan expresses a strong desire to manage his life better and with less struggle and anxiety, which he believes could be achieved with an ADHD diagnosis and appropriate treatment.
He is concerned about the potential stigma of being perceived as using ADHD as an excuse for personal shortcomings.
Teehan is impatient and anxious about the process of getting diagnosed and the potential changes it might bring to his personality and creativity.
He feels a sense of anger and regret for not realizing earlier that there could have been a better way to manage his symptoms.
Despite these concerns, Teehan is hopeful about the future and the possibility of medication improving his quality of life, based on the positive experiences of his peers.
He commits to sharing his journey and the progress he makes with his readers, starting with the completion of the article after a month of procrastination.

Coming To Terms With ADHD at 55

I swear to God, I thought all this was normal.

This is a rather personal piece, but an important one, I think, because I know I’m not alone in this. Its other people talking about this issue that has brought me to where I am now — exploring an ADHD diagnosis as an adult.

If I can help just one other person reading this with their own struggles with addressing ADHD later in life, then I’ll be happy.

Plus, as a writer, I find the act of writing about something like this helps me process what’s going on.

So… here we go.

How I Suspected I Have Always Had ADHD

I blame social media algorithms.

No, seriously.

My kid is on the autism spectrum. I’ve been reading up on neurodivergent issues online to understand his world more. I think because the Internet has seen my recent readings, it’s flagged and directed neurodivergent content to my social media feeds.

Suddenly, this year, there has been an uptick in posts showing up on Instagram, Facebook, and TikTok about autism and ADHD.

It’s either that or these algorithms have become so damn clever that they can just look at my online behavior in general and say, “Oh, this guy totally has ADHD. Let’s start filling his content with posts where he recognizes himself.”

I wouldn’t put it past them — the algorithm, that is.

In any case, all of a sudden, I’m seeing posts by people describing things I experience in terms of ADHD, and I’ve learned four important things:

First, apparently, not everyone’s brain works as mine does. Not everyone has a head full of constant dialogue. Not everyone hears absolutely everything going on around them and sometimes has trouble filtering it out. Not everyone freezes up or has an anxiety attack at seemingly simple tasks like filling out a form. Not everyone deals with long periods of procrastination followed by long periods of hyperfocus. Not everyone battles with daily anxiety.

The list goes on and on.

Second, I’ve learned that while not everyone is like me, I’m also not alone in my experiences.

Third, I’ve been like this all my life.

Fourth, it doesn’t have to be this way.

Some Things I’ve Found Out

Let’s go back to that second thing I learned–the part about not being alone.

It turns out I have a number of friends and colleagues going through the same thing. They’re also writers and artists, and they’ve also been involved in the process of self-discovery. They’ve also been seeking treatment with medication and counseling.

And, friends, they’ve been reporting wonderful results. No one has expressed any regret in learning more about ADHD and how to treat it.

I’ve also learned that, over the decades, I’ve managed to build my own coping mechanisms that help me along. For instance, I’ve become a master of using planners and notebooks to manage not just my professional life but my personal one as well. I’ve learned how to deal with the assault on my senses without self-medicating.

These have helped me manage, but as pressures have increased over the past few years due to Covid, being the father of a young child with autism, and an increase in work, my coping mechanisms still get overwhelmed at times.

But the good news is that I can get help, and it’s just around the corner.

I’m a bit over a week away from visiting a specialist to conduct a screening and discuss how to proceed. It may take a while before anything changes, but at least I’ve gotten the process started.

Is Getting Diagnosed As an Adult Worth It?

Good god, yes!

I mean, it better be.

Look. I’m 55. Given my family history, I doubt I’ll be around at 75.

But until they shove me in my grave, I want to do things, create things, and be things the entire time.

If I can do that in a way that may be more productive, then yes… an adult diagnosis and treatment, even at 55, would be totally worth it.

It’s very tempting to rage at all the years wasted because I didn’t know there could be a better way, but that really doesn’t do anything for me now.

It’s kind of like dwelling on the mistakes I made back during my days as a barely-functioning alcoholic. It’s a thing that happened. It’s not who I am now and hasn’t been for a long time.

The real key to life is to look ahead and move forward.

Am I Really Just a Slacker?

This is probably my only concern with exploring a diagnosis of ADHD.

Will I use it as an excuse for being a slacker?

Well… no. That’s not accurate.

For one thing, I know I won’t be. I’m not a slacker. I have some issues with specific types of tasks and how I manage certain things. But given that I’ve managed to get married, have a kid, mortgage a house, and maintain a healthy freelance business, all suggest I am not a slacker. Not entirely, anyway.

I just think I could be managing things better and with less struggle and anxiety.

I think my real worry is how others may perceive me as using ADHD as an excuse. An excuse for what, I’m not clear on.

The good news is that I severely limited how much I let other people’s opinions of me guide my life a long time ago.

What I’m Feeling Right Now

Impatience. Anxiety. A little anger.

I have reason to believe I could be managing my life better with an ADHD diagnosis, so I’d like to get that done and out of the way so progress can be made.

I’m anxious, however, if the process will change me much. Despite my flaws, I’m also pretty awesome at times. I’d hate to lose that.

And I’m a little angry because I didn’t realize things could have been different until recently. That a lot of feelings of inadequacy and failure — whether they’re valid or not — didn’t have to be the way they’ve been.

It would have been nice to have had an easier time doing things a lot of other people take for granted.

Moving Forward

It’s still more than a week before my first visit with a specialist. And, as I understand it, the screening itself won’t happen for another few weeks. And who knows how long I’ll have to wait to discuss the results.

So, it’s probably going to be months before medication comes into view. I’m still not entirely sure how I feel about medication, but amongst those friends and colleagues who have been on ADHD meds, most of the reports are coming back very positive. It’s been life-changing for many of them. Life-saving, even,

I’ve been coping and living with my brain as it is for 55 years. I can probably wait a couple of months.

I’m not happy about the prospect, but it’s better than nothing at all.

Right?

I’ll report back on progress as it happens.

Now that I’ve gotten this piece written (after putting it off for a month and then writing it all in one afternoon), I expect the next installments will be easier.

See you then.

Cheers!

About John Teehan

John lives in Rhode Island with his wife, son, and dog. He specializes in tech, health, business, parenting, pop culture, and gaming. Visit wordsbyjohn.net for more info and rates. Twitter: @WordsByJohn2.

Do you like poetry, short fiction, and general oddities? Curious what an ADHD brain writes about? Check out my new book, Life Among Psychopaths: an unexpected potpourri, now available on Amazon.

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