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1946

Abstract

k. Let’s put it on.”I had found porn bushes before so I crossed my fingers hoping it was what I thought it was. Immediately after pressing play there was a woman eating out another woman. They screamed and ejected the tape.Bah Gawd King! Hard core pornography!“That’s terrible! Here, give it to me and I’ll throw this away for you!” I exclaimed.My sister said, “Oh! Thank you for doing that!”<figure id="1aa0"><img src="https://cdn-images-1.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:800/1*90Df06O5CRSS4s08qnX8AQ.jpeg"><figcaption>Photo by <a href="https://www.pexels.com/@olly?utm_content=attributionCopyText&utm_medium=referral&utm_source=pexels">Andrea Piacquadio</a> from <a href="https://www.pexels.com/photo/portrait-photo-of-smiling-woman-in-yellow-turtleneck-sweater-in-front-of-blue-background-3768903/?utm_content=attributionCopyText&utm_medium=referral&utm_source=pexels">Pexels</a></figcaption></figure>Heh. Score.I had called an 800 number to get a free tape about the Bowflex nautilus machine around the same time. I took the label of the tape and put it on my new found favorite thing in the world. I left it in plain site with all the other tapes but I’d always forget and leave it in the VCR.Somehow my mom never pressed play. One day she said, “You sure do watch that Bowflex tape a lot. You have a job. Why don’t you just buy yourself that machine?”I didn’t buy it but guess what I got for Hanukkah that year?I remember showing the porno tape to my two best friends. They were dead silent for 5 minutes when Steve Song finally said, “So that’s what it looks like…” with a furrowed brow pointing at the television screen like Pavlov pointed at his dog.A few months later right before I turned 13 I began waking up with this feeling I couldn’t descri

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be. I needed to fuck something. But what and how?The family dog was unreceptive. The cat even less so. I remember sticking my dong in this coin bank I had. I think the nickel stack was the best fit but it wasn’t doing it. Tried fucking a pillow, no dice.After trying towels, handkerchiefs, and cardboard from a roll of paper towels stuffed with tissue I was getting frustrated. I knew I was on the right track when I rubbed my old baby blanket against my dong. It felt good, but I still had this weird feeling in my balls.After a few days spent practicing I had gotten better. I was confident I was close to a breakthrough.One morning as I woke up with my usual 3″ towel rack busting out of the fly of my pajamas. I grabbed my old binky and started abusing myself. It was feeling really good. I changed up my grip picked up the pace and….HOLY SHIT! YAHTZEE! NNNNNNGGG! The blanket wasn’t covering the tip and I shot about a half a CC of jizz 7 feet up the wall. My boner subsided and my need to strangle something dissipated.“That was awesome!” I thought to myself. I tried to do it again but learned that there was a cooling off period.After a few months, my baby binky was full of dried jizz and smelled awful so I tossed it. I refined my method to use an old shirt until the time I started getting laid on the reg.Since the advent of streaming porn I can do it with just my hand though having a tissue near by reduces clean up time. Internet porn has also made me more proficient with my left hand than my right so I can work the mouse.I am bountiful in the pre-cum department so I’m self lubing.. Fucking is the bees knees, but I still like rubbing one out every then and again.Women come and go, but Palmela and Fistina have always been there for me.</article></body>

MAKING THE BALD MAN CRY

Coming of Age By Coming in an Old T-Shirt

I can’t believe I’m telling you this

I think everyone plays with themselves a bit before they get it to go. I didn’t have an older brother or even a friend with an older brother. I had to figure things out for myself without the aid of porn.

I thought I had learned about sex through a VHS tape my mom had rented when I was 10 called What’s Happening to my Body? In retrospect, fuck that tape. It left a lot out and was really vague about the exact mechanics.

I knew my dick had the potential to make sperm. It had something to do with a man and woman being really excited in bed. Also thanks to Playboy and the full bush era I just thought the slit on little girls healed up during puberty and the sperm was absorbed through the pubic hair.

Friends of my parents had what were called black boxes that allowed them to get every channel. The Playboy channel was a tease. They never showed penetration. It wasn’t until I acquired my first hard core pornography video that I figured out the dynamics of making the beast with two backs.

My sister and her best friend Tara were the ones to find the porno. They came home from the park down the street and were like, “We found this unlabeled video in the park. Let’s put it on.”

I had found porn bushes before so I crossed my fingers hoping it was what I thought it was. Immediately after pressing play there was a woman eating out another woman. They screamed and ejected the tape.

Bah Gawd King! Hard core pornography!

“That’s terrible! Here, give it to me and I’ll throw this away for you!” I exclaimed.

My sister said, “Oh! Thank you for doing that!”

Heh. Score.

I had called an 800 number to get a free tape about the Bowflex nautilus machine around the same time. I took the label of the tape and put it on my new found favorite thing in the world. I left it in plain site with all the other tapes but I’d always forget and leave it in the VCR.

Somehow my mom never pressed play. One day she said, “You sure do watch that Bowflex tape a lot. You have a job. Why don’t you just buy yourself that machine?”

I didn’t buy it but guess what I got for Hanukkah that year?

I remember showing the porno tape to my two best friends. They were dead silent for 5 minutes when Steve Song finally said, “So that’s what it looks like…” with a furrowed brow pointing at the television screen like Pavlov pointed at his dog.

A few months later right before I turned 13 I began waking up with this feeling I couldn’t describe. I needed to fuck something. But what and how?

The family dog was unreceptive. The cat even less so. I remember sticking my dong in this coin bank I had. I think the nickel stack was the best fit but it wasn’t doing it. Tried fucking a pillow, no dice.

After trying towels, handkerchiefs, and cardboard from a roll of paper towels stuffed with tissue I was getting frustrated. I knew I was on the right track when I rubbed my old baby blanket against my dong. It felt good, but I still had this weird feeling in my balls.

After a few days spent practicing I had gotten better. I was confident I was close to a breakthrough.

One morning as I woke up with my usual 3″ towel rack busting out of the fly of my pajamas. I grabbed my old binky and started abusing myself. It was feeling really good. I changed up my grip picked up the pace and….

HOLY SHIT! YAHTZEE! NNNNNNGGG! The blanket wasn’t covering the tip and I shot about a half a CC of jizz 7 feet up the wall. My boner subsided and my need to strangle something dissipated.

“That was awesome!” I thought to myself. I tried to do it again but learned that there was a cooling off period.

After a few months, my baby binky was full of dried jizz and smelled awful so I tossed it. I refined my method to use an old shirt until the time I started getting laid on the reg.

Since the advent of streaming porn I can do it with just my hand though having a tissue near by reduces clean up time. Internet porn has also made me more proficient with my left hand than my right so I can work the mouse.

I am bountiful in the pre-cum department so I’m self lubing.. Fucking is the bees knees, but I still like rubbing one out every then and again.

Women come and go, but Palmela and Fistina have always been there for me.