Closing The Gap In Relationships

Summary

Michael Patanella concludes his five-part series on relationships by emphasizing the importance of maintaining friendships through life's changes and advocating against unjustified ghosting.

Abstract

In the final chapter of "Closing The Gap Series; A Conclusion," Michael Patanella reflects on the concept of "closing the gap" in relationships, inspired by a Snoop Dogg interview. He challenges the notion that life events like financial changes, marriage, or moving away should lead to the end of long-term friendships. Patanella shares his personal experiences with the ebb and flow of relationships, particularly in the context of his own struggles with mental illness and addiction. He argues that genuine, healthy relationships should be preserved despite the societal shift towards ghosting, which he acknowledges can be a defense mechanism in negative situations. The series aims to encourage people to actively work on sustaining valuable relationships, recognizing that while some fading is inevitable, it is often within our control to "Close The Gap" and maintain meaningful connections throughout life's journey.

Opinions

Patanella believes that friendships require ongoing effort and that gaps in relationships can and should be addressed to prevent ghosting.
He disagrees with the idea that major life changes are valid reasons for relationships to fade away, especially when there is no significant conflict or loss of trust.
The author emphasizes that while ghosting can be justified in cases of toxicity or negative experiences, it should not be the default response in healthy relationships.
Patanella suggests that the responsibility to maintain relationships lies with both parties, and that the effort to keep connections alive is worthwhile.
He acknowledges that not all relationships can be saved, and that it's important to maintain self-respect and not lower oneself in an attempt to preserve a relationship.
The author values the significance of long-term friendships and the unique bond they represent, advocating for the preservation of these relationships despite external changes.

Chapter 5 Of “Closing The Gap Series; A Conclusion”

(This is chapter 5 of 5, of a special month long series. To find the first four chapters, please see my website at MichaelPatanella.medium.com. )

In the beginning of this series I spoke about my discovery about the theory of “closing the gap.” It was thanks to a Snoop Dogg interview that I had recently stumbled upon. It was quite relatable as to the theory of it, because it reminded me so much about current and past relationships, I have had throughout my life.

It brought me to a whole new reality, as it pertains to the topics we have dove into. Especially, the ever present, and ever growing behaviour of that thing we now all call ghosting. Snoop Dogg gave a very educated break down as to the changes that we all go through when it comes to our friendships and relationships. Especially as we grow into adults, and find our ways going our separate directions. Often something that we look at, as simply a part of life, and it is not anything we can control.

To me personally, that is something that I always knew (or at least thought) was absolutely under our control. I never bought the idea of someone moving away, or getting married, as a real reason, or excuse to allow life long friendships to just fade away.

When seeing a very successful, multi millionaire recording artist like Snoop Dogg explain that for as much work that is involved in building great friendships, we still are responsible to put work in as life goes on. And that just because gaps might me opening, there is no reason to allow that to become what we know these days as ghosting. He gave the example of his own life, as it relates to the massive financial change, the artist himself went through, when still quite a young man.If a millionaire does not believe that massive financial changes should be a reason, then why in the world should a marriage or moving away be the sole reason that a friendship fades?

Through the many years that I have spent in and out of dark times, relationships have come and gone because of the bad decisions and mental illness issues I’ve had. My life specifically is one that has been faced with damaging, repairing, and re-repairing countless relationship with friends, and family members. So, there has been plenty of times, when I have been shut down about my issues with being ghosted because many just have assumed that I must have done something wrong to them. But the mystery I am referring to has never been one around that type of ghosting. The type connected to negative things like lost trust. Instead, my pleas to end ghosting have come out of those type of scenarios that really do have no logical reason. No falling out, no serious arguments. Just a total bewilderment as to why one has been ghosted. I am sure we can all relate to having some very important, and healthy friendships that lasted 20, 30 years or more, only to be ghosted and genuinely not know the reason why.

I know as time changes, so does society and social realms. Certain behaviours become extinct, while other behaviours start to grow. As with everything else, the things in this world we are unfamiliar with, often times seem intimidating. But this is not an example of that.

Ghosting actually does have its place in society. When it is a response to negative experiences, lost trust, broken hearts, and things of that nature, it can sometimes be the only choice that we feel we can make. It can be the quickest way to escape toxicity that is hurting our lives. And everyone does have that right, to remove themselves when the reasons are strong enough.

The purpose of this series was not to totally blast ghosting for every single occasion. As the title says, “Closing The Gap,” is something in life, that we should really strive to do, when we see genuine, legitimate relationships fading by no fault of either. I believe that it is a responsibility that both sides of relationships should work on, as the importance of longevity of friendship is something that is priceless.

While I strongly advocate against ghosting, also remember that sometimes, things, and people in this world. just don’t make sense. I agree that we should work diligently to keep healthy relationships strong. But I will say, that life does not always have such answers to its mysteries. And never lower oneself, in order to try to save something with another person. Be sure to always find a balance with weighing out both sides of the fence. Remember, that even though ghosting can create a shitty feeling, it’s a sure fire way to see that some people, do all the fading away. While the other side did none. That is life.

Although we can often find ourselves taking completely different forks in the roads in life, a real friendship is worth the work it takes, to remain close no matter where we move to, no matter what careers paths we take, and no matter how our family dynamics may change.

We should commit to putting the effort in, to Close The Gap, when we see it widening.

There is nothing more special, than a best friendship, that lasts a lifetime.

Michael Patanella

is a Trenton, New Jersey Author, Publisher, Columnist, Editor, Advocate, and recovering addict, covering topics of mental health, addiction, sobriety, mindfulness, self-help, faith, relationships, spirituality, Smart Recovery, social advocacy, and countless other nonfiction topics. His articles, publications, memoirs, and stories are geared towards being a voice for the voiceless. Hoping to reach others out there still struggling.