POLITICS

Close Enough for Government Work

Texas proves again that it’s never a good idea to count the Lone Star State out

I’m here to holler at the folks down in Austin, who proved once again last weekend that you can lead a mule to water, and sometimes you can even make him drink.

For those of you not schooled in Texas Talk, “holler” is a way to delightfully acknowledge that someone’s done good. No, it’s not the Tennessee nor Kentucky “hollers” — known in geographical circles as valleys — where Dolly Parton and Loretta Lynn grew up; nor is it pop singer Gwen Stefani’s Valley Girl-ish “Hollaback”, which is something to do with Mean Girl Southern Cali cheerleader sass.

Gotta say, though, that “this shit is bananas”, as the Hollaback Girl has been known to say.

I’m talking about something the Texas State House— well, more specifically the Dems in that body — did near the end of the session late last Sunday night that was not only muy bueno, but it was darn near better than a poke in the eye with a sharp stick.

Follow me back to last weekend, in the waning hours of the biannual Texas legislative session. It looked like state Rethuglicans were going to have their way on a great big ol’ voter suppression bill. Not to get into the finer points of parliamentary procedure, but the whole scene was reminiscent of the nasty efforts of Georgia, Florida and several other states hoping to keep Democratic voters down on the farm.

The Texas “Lege” — as it’s often affectionately known (pronounced “ledge”, ’cause I reckon they often come so close to that precipice in their often crazy deliberations) — was fixin’ to cross way beyond the Florida/Georgia line. The word salad that the Senate GQP tried to ram through contained language — and I shit you not — feeding the former guy’s (Note to My Editor: Please — never, ever — capitalize tfg’s nickname, nor acronym. He doesn’t deserve the courtesy) Big Lie and making it easier to overturn elections.

But Texas Dems, as you may have heard, were having none of that. A bill can’t pass the Lege without a quorum, so what did our courageous compadres do?

They walked out. And Senate Bill 7, as it’s known, became history. For now.

I heard from close and connected friends down in Austin that Dems and their supporters were painting the town and the front porch with glee last weekend.

Texas Governor Greg Abbott — who, like the state’s junior senator, Ted Cruz, is about as full of wind as a corn-eating horse, and twice as ugly — threatens to call a special legislative session to get all this sorted out. Which means, of course, to allow the Rethugs to figure out how to cheat more Texans out of their voting rights. He’s also been yapping about taking away the Dems’ pay. But as a legislative body that meets every two years for five months, how much of a punishment could that be?

Yeah, Abbott is a lot like Senator Rafael. Both of those good ol’ boys have always been at least one enchilada short of a combination platter. Dumber than dirt, as my Nana would say.

Stay tuned, loyal readers. You never can tell with all the bragging and bluster in my native state. Abbott and his GQP friends could be serious. But there’s also a mighty big chance — mixed metaphors aside — that the porch light’s on but no one’s home with this skillet full of rattlesnakes. And that would be a good thing for Democracy.

Hollaback, y’all!