How to

Clap up to and Including 50 Times per Story.

A Quick Tutorial on How to Express the Proper Enthusiasm for Your Fellow Writers and Their Stories

As the title suggests, card-carrying members of Medium are allowed to clap for any story that they did not write up to 50 times.

For instance, if you’re reading this and think

this is great, I wish there was a way to declare my heightened enthusiasm. But I’m limited to one clap.

No no, dear reader. Perhaps you’re overwhelmed with the thought I can clap up to 50 times?! Instead of thinking about it as clapping 50 times or 37 times, or 11 times, think of it as clapping once, then again, then again, then again, and so on until you reach 50, 37, or 11 claps, respectively. If you’re not in a terrible rush, continue to apply gentle yet focused pressure much as you did with the first clap, only rapidly repeat the pointed violence on the mouse making sure that the cursor is over the clapping hands icon and continue to do so to produce ever larger numbers of claps, like this -

I bet there are some of you out there thinking,

I don’t have the time/finger fitness/resources (maybe your mouse is really old) to aim the cursor and click 11 or 37, let alone 50 times!

Never fear, precious reader, the good people at Medium anticipated your dilemma(s) and have made it so that holding down the mouse button on the first clap will “spam” (think I’m using that right) the clap icon and goad it into thinking your clicking repeatedly. Like this –

For those concerned that your accuracy will ebb as the torrent of clapping commences, cast your concerns aside. For you can move the cursor hither, yon and even thither so long as you keep constant pressure on the mouse button. I will demonstrate — notice the “mousometer” documenting the movement of my cursor. Further proof that a single sustained click will result in 11, 37, or even 50 claps -

“But Jarrett, what if I hold the button down for too long? Won’t that cause an overabundance of claps that will potentially upset the space-time continuum? Again, rear deader, cast your anxiety to the curb like so much refuse; those same folks at Medium who brought you the option to turn one mouse click into a deluge of claps built in a magical barrier that prevents even the most obnoxious applauder from exceeding the 50 clap cap. See -

If you’re doing it to show disdain for a story, I understand — it’s hard to accurately click such a small icon accurately with your head so far up your own ass.

FAQ

Jarrett, what if my mouse is not black? I have a gray mouse manufactured by Logitech. Will I be able to click more than once?

Verily I say unto you, reader with a mouse that is not black and/or manufactured by Microsoft, this is not a concern. Both sustained clapping and repeated discrete clapping are possible with a mouse of any color and/or manufacturer provided that the mouse is connected to and in control of the cursor.

Jarrett, what if I don’t have a mouse? I’m reading from the Medium app on my phone. How can I possibly clap more than once under such conditions?

When reading on a mobile, touch-enabled device, your finger is the cursor. Thus, the act of clapping is unchanged and unfazed. I would only caution you not to approach objects in the real world and repeatedly tap on them with your finger.

Jarrett, what if I mashed down on the mouse button really hard, or pressed down on my smart device screen very forcefully. Would the one clap be worth more?

No, affectionate decoder, it doesn’t work that way.

Jarrett, I can’t just be going around giving away claps willy-nilly! I only have like, I don’t know…347 claps to give out in a single day. Right?

Thanks to Lauren Johnson Gonzales and the eminently knowledgeable Dr Mehmet Yildiz, I discovered that “each person is allowed to clap for 150 articles within 24 hours.”

That’s 24×150 or 3,600 rounds of clapping. If you were to give the full complement of claps (50) that would come out to 180,000 claps.

Jarrett, I don’t want to clap 11, 37, or 50 times! What if I want to clap 14 times? Or maybe 15 times?

I understand that “[you] don’t need permission, make [your] own decisions. Let me tell you why — that is your prerogative. Clap four times, clap 49 times, clap 17 times. If it’s a number greater than one, but less than 50 — that is your prerogative. Of course, it’s also your prerogative to clap one time, but I hear that life is pretty hard with your head stuck in your anus.

Jarrett, I heard about how Medium scales claps relative to the number of claps a particular user gives out. So if I only give out one clap for a story and I do that for all the stories I clap for, it’s the same as if I did 50 claps for every story that I clap. Is that true?

I honestly don’t know, dear reader. What I do know is this — if your typical approach is to leave one clap for every story, keep in mind that the writer does not know this. They don’t see the 50 claps hiding behind the one clap. What would you think if you put on a performance in front of an audience and when you were done, the audience clapped once?

Jarrett, is half a clap possible? Like golf clap?

No

Jarrett, what if I just don’t like the story?

Then don’t clap

Test it out now. If you did not like this article, don’t clap — but maybe leave a note to tell me why. If you thought it was meh, clap 11 times. If you thought it was great, clap 37 times.