POLITICAL OPINION

Civil War…Really?

Week 1: People in the U.S. are talking about Civil War like it’s inevitable. Some of them even make it sound like a good idea and dare I say it…fun? But I have a few questions about what happens after all the glorious bloodletting in a new weekly segment I’m calling, “Civil War…really?”

Everyone knows that living off the fat of the land is dreamy, including yours truly. After the fall of our great civilization, I’m sure that it will be wonderful to roam on foot to places like…another tree. I get it. Peace. Wilderness. No annoying (insert hated enemy name here) to ruin the way things should be. That old red, white, and blood will look better hanging from any bunker in tatters than on a 200-year-old Capitol building. For sure!

With the countryside in ruins and starving former American citizens compliant at last, things will be better. We really don’t need working infrastructure like roads, hospitals, or Home Depot. Why work to improve or fix what our ancestors died for? Preserve our nation? Work together? That’s just silly talk.

If you carry a loaded AK-47 you really don’t need to compromise. Am I right?

Listen, I’d love to chat about this some more but I’m in a rush to get to Dairy Queen. The bunker is out of soft serve.

Today’s Question — War destroys everything in its path including roads, businesses, hospitals, and homes. Insurance doesn’t cover acts of war. How exactly would a civil war make things better?

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