Emotional Health|Mindfulness Moment|Life Lessons|Personal Development

Chronic Fatigue, Abuse, & PTSD -My Amazing Best Friends?

Perspective comes from the oddest places

Let’s face it. Life is hard. I don’t know anyone who would disagree with that statement, because we all are undergoing difficulties. Its a part of the plan. So when I share with you my difficulties I hope you gain something that will help you more with your own trials than in feeling badly about mine.

I have encountered some pretty big challenges in my life and I want to express my absolute GRATITUDE for the physical ailments I have sustained. They have turned out to be my very best friends and teachers.

Odd? Perhaps. Let me explain.

My health issues began with daily headaches as a child, but my parents ignored the problem. By the time I left home and entered college, my health disintegrated. By the end of my freshman year I was diagnosed with Chronic Fatigue Syndrome (renamed Systemic Exertion Intolerance Disease).

This isn’t about just being tired. I wish it was that easy. Anytime I experienced an adrenaline surge or exerted myself when I wasn’t quite stable enough, I became weak, dizzy and sometimes even passed out. This happened with any type of exertion -physical, mental, emotional, social. I have suffered with this condition since I was 18 years old.

Learning to gauge my energy has been a lifelong pursuit. It would be much easier and probably more reliable if I had an “energy gauge” to read. Then I would know if I had the juice to start, much less finish, any given thing. Alas I don’t have one, so its a tricky balance.

When I was in my late 40’s, my now ex-husband became his most violent self towards me. He picked me up by my head and launched me several feet across our garage. My head crashed onto a computer tower that was on the floor. He was given a No Contact Order which he ignored. After months of stalking, and attempting to gaslight and manipulate me, he finally plead guilty to the domestic violence charge. Not only did I sustain a concussion, but I now had full blown Post Traumatic Stress.

My relationships with both my parents and my husband have been toxic. It has been a long journey to come to grips with the realities of these relationships and learn to recognize the post traumatic stress that resulted from each one of them.

So why am I so grateful for each of these admittedly gruesome conditions?

The reality is that they gave me the ability to really see and feel when I was becoming stressed. These conditions helped me to become acutely aware of when I was starting to tip off balance- and just how often that mechanism goes off throughout the average day.

My ailments didn’t allow my physical responses to stress to be camouflaged. Because my body was compromised on so many different levels, I was able to track my own thoughts/feelings/reactions/behaviors with a much more detailed approach.

I learned over the years that my compromised condition set me apart in comparison to the average healthy person, who can weather the emotional storms that come throughout any given day without too much physical consequence.

While that may sound good for the average person and bad for me, I beg to differ. Sure, I definitely have had some disadvantages on how much I could do, including having fun and how productive my day to day life unfolded, but I definitely am winning the long game.

Here are some of the benefits I have received from having to slow down and process through stress, negative emotions, and negative thoughts/beliefs:

I have a much longer emotional fuse. I don’t get as angry or frustrated when life isn’t going my way. I don’t experience anxiety or depression because I’ve learned to map out the path that leads to those feelings.

I don’t dismiss or shame the emotions I experience. I don’t stuff or distract myself away from what’s bugging me so it can be added to a list of other stressors and come back to bite me when I least expect it. I rarely hit “last straw” moments.

I have come to understand the limitations my body has and I listen better to when I need to say “no”. I have learned to extend more acceptance, patience and grace towards myself.

I handle difficult conversations much better. I love myself more. I recognize toxic personalities and detach from damaging relationships more quickly and effectively. I let go and forgive everyone, including myself, much more completely.

I am a much happier, kinder, gentler, patient, passionate, compassionate human for these experiences.

All of this happened because I was too physically compromised to ignore the signals that my emotions gave me. I have had long stretches of time where literally I had zero strength to do anything but stare at the ceiling while lying in my bed. I had nowhere to go and could do nothing but pay attention to what my brain was doing and how my body responded in return.

These weaknesses indeed became my strength. I wouldn’t have healed so much damage without being in a place where there was no other option than to figure out something new. And no other place to go because even watching TV took too much energy.

I wouldn’t be as good at helping other people without these experiences. I wouldn’t walk along the path with them as well or be a solid comfort when they’re in pain. I wouldn’t be able to diagram the details of an emotional pathway to others near as effectively if I hadn’t had these handicaps.

Would I want to go through these experiences again? Definitely not. BUT if these experiences were the only way I was going to get to where I am today with the knowledge and wisdom I have gained, well, I would have to say…

Bring it!

It has been quite the journey. Most of it has been excruciatingly hard. But I think that’s life- going through a process that’s designed to purge and refine us into the best version of ourselves… if we will allow ourselves the opportunity to learn how.

This process is precious. If we are willing to embrace it, the result is the most amazing and humbling sense of gratitude, wisdom and peace.

Do you have to get really sick, be assaulted or have a rotten childhood to have the process work for you?

NOPE.

But depending on how great your physical health is, you may find it a bit more challenging to do it. If you can still do anything you want to do when you want to do it, then the challenge will be to choose to move to mindfulness instead of employing whatever you normally do to distract, disconnect, numb out or logic your way out of negative emotion.

So, how do we do it? One honest and loving step at a time. There are no real shortcuts, no matter how much we may desire them. This process, like most things new to us, will take a bit of time, but not all of our time. With practice we can learn to do this thoroughly and quickly. It doesn’t have to consume us.

First, we must be willing to sit with the feelings and resulting beliefs.

Once we are willing, we must actually do the sitting. We need to slow ourselves down and trust ourselves enough that there is nothing we cannot face.

ILLUMINATE.

We shine a light on the stressful, dark or often painful places inside us. We acknowledge and accept the emotional and mental wounds we have sustained. We do not try to explain or logic them away. We also take full accountability for our mistakes, our misjudgments, and our bad behavior.

LIBERATE.

We take time to deliberate what our thoughts and feelings are telling us we believe is true. Now we get to make a new choice. We choose what we will keep as truth and what we will cast away as limiting to ourselves and to others. These new choices are our gateway to freedom. We are liberating ourselves from earlier experiences and making way for a happier, more joyful life.

CELEBRATE.

Finally, to move into a deep sense of gratitude for the actual hard experience, find the gift or benefit for having gone through the trial. With practice, finding more than one good thing from a “bad” thing becomes normal. The brain starts to realize that all things are ultimately good for us. Perhaps not comfortable or desirable, but still beneficial to us nonetheless.

We have to be willing to donate some time, focus, and patience to the process. Do not rush. This is a journey, not a race! The deepest gratitude comes when we see the Gift(s) in our toughest circumstance. When we can do that, life becomes an even grander adventure!

Mindfulness Moment: What difficult event or ongoing trial has brought you the most benefit? Going through the feelings and finding the Gift on the other side will give you the most genuine sense of gratitude and the ability to truly move to forgiveness.

Can I send you something?

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Peggy Nazer is a Certified Coach in Emotional Release, Energy Psychology, Stress Resilience/Resolve and High Performance. She has been a life coach and teacher for 17 years, specializing in emotional health, stress resilience, and building healthy relationships to help people accomplish their personal transformation goals. She uses a combination of techniques including mindfulness, emotional release, energy psychology, stress resilience mastery and success habits in both private and group session settings. She created Success Dynamics Academy to help clients identify and effectively manage their mental and emotional perspectives that create conflict and stop progress pertaining to their personal and professional goals. Find out more at: peggynazer.com