Christmas Can Be Bittersweet When You Live Abroad

The joy of new traditions mixed with the pain of being away from family

I’ve moved around my whole life. Because flights are always expensive at Christmas, I’ve rarely spent Christmas with my extended family. However, I always spent it with my parents and my brother, with whom I am very close.

When I moved away from home in 2013, I didn’t realize I would have to spend most of my Christmases away from my family.

I moved to Canada, where my now-husband’s family lives, for my studies.

Through a combination of expensive flights, lack of holidays, covid, and other circumstances, we spent all our Christmases between 2013 and 2021 in Canada.

The first year, we wanted to experience a real Canadian Christmas and I wanted to meet my husband’s extended family so we stayed in Canada.

The second year, his parents (who lived abroad), were home for Christmas, so we stayed in Canada. That year, I was lucky that my parents and brother came to visit over Christmas.

One year, our nephew was born so we stayed in Canada.

Etc. etc.

Originally, we had planned on alternating years, spending one Christmas in France and the following one in Canada. But that was not how things happened, although it was no one’s fault.

For the first few years, I was happy to be in Canada for Christmas. I love my husband’s family. It’s a large family with lots of fun Christmas traditions. I also love winter breaks in Canada with all the fun activities we are able to do. I love spending time with my husband’s cousins. I love preparing food with his grandmother and his aunts and uncles. It’s always a fun time spending Christmas with my husband’s family.

However, as years passed and I didn’t spend Christmas with my own family, I started to feel nostalgic.

In France, Christmas looks different than in North America. We eat fancy celebratory foods such as smoked salmon, oysters, and of course the traditional Bûche de Noël (Yule log). We usually open presents together on the evening of the 24th. We have a long Christmas lunch on the 25th.

Every year, as I called my parents and my family on Christmas Eve, I felt a pang of longing to be with them. And, while I was enjoying my Christmas celebrations, it always felt like something was missing.

I didn’t truly realize how much I had missed Christmas in France until last year, after having moved to England and having been able to spend Christmas with my whole family for the first time in 9 years.

I had such an amazing time with my family and we made wonderful memories.

And yet, I still missed gathering with my husband’s family. I missed going sledding in the nearby hills. I missed my husband’s grandmothers’ tourtière. I missed the gift swap we did every year.

And I now that I’ll miss it again this year as I make more memories with my own family.

Having family on both sides of the ocean makes Christmas bittersweet.

Living abroad makes Christmas bittersweet.

You will probably always feel torn between enjoying the Christmas traditions in the country you live in and spending time with family in the country you’re from.

What I’ve found helpful is to let joy and pain cohabit. To embrace the beautiful moments we are spending wherever we choose to spend Christmas while still feeling the sadness of not being with the other family.

And to try and find balance between the two places.

Now that I have realized how important it is for me to be able to spend Christmas with my family, I will make it more of a priority when we move back to Canada.

Of course, after a couple of years here, we’ll spend the following Christmas with my husband’s family. But after that, we’ll try and make sure that we still make time for my family and make the trip to France more often than once every ten years.