Choosing the Right Church

And cultivating meaningful connections with other Christians.

Churchless Christians are growing in number, largely because many people feel that church leaders are failing in their mission.

Past experiences

The first church I attended as a new Christian was strong in the worship but very weak in the word. They were keen to get people saved but then did nothing to encourage or support their growth. The leaders hogged the spotlight and turned every service into their ‘all about me’ show, and if we were lucky, we might have been given a short verse from the Bible thrown in to ‘ponder on.’ I went for several months before it hit me that not once were the words ‘sin’ or ‘repentance’ ever spoken. It was a charismatic church that was all about making people feel good about their lives and how they were ‘loved by God, no matter what they did.’

The second charismatic church I went to was both strong in worship and the word. They weren’t afraid to have uncomfortable conversations about sin and the necessity of daily repentance. Their worship team was incredible and they had a variety of children’s groups for different ages. What let this church down for me was the very little interaction within the community. It wasn’t very welcoming and not many people spoke to each other. I felt incredibly awkward as a new member and even after giving it a few more goes, nothing improved. I didn’t have any Christian friends as it was, and I wanted to find a church that felt warm and comfortable, a safe place for me to connect with other Christians.

“Church is not an organization you join; it is a family where you belong, a home where you are loved, and a hospital where you find healing.” — Nicky Gumbel

I once tried a traditional Church of England church, which was painfully boring. I didn’t like how structured and repetitive the service was, it was completely robotic and uninspiring and full mostly of elderly people. I met with the Vicar afterward who rudely interrupted me before I could even finish a sentence. It was a very unpleasant experience.

When speaking on the topic of traditional churches like the CofE with an old school friend’s husband, whose brother is a Pastor of a church he helps lead, he told me that he knew a few Priests personally who don’t believe in God. They just do it for the power status, reputation, and all the perks that come with the job. No wonder so many churches are doing Christianity a disservice.

Denomination wasn’t something I looked into, because as a new Christian, I wasn’t aware of all the different doctrinal beliefs, so my mission was just to try out different local churches, giving each (if I could bear it) at least one month before deciding for sure if it was where I would stay.

My church

It took me over a year of searching to find my church — one that is strong in word, worship, and community, and whose statement of faith aligns with my core values.

Before I even stepped foot inside, I knew it was where I wanted to be baptized. I watched a recorded live stream of a service from a local Baptist church and the Minister completely blew my mind with his passion for preaching God’s Word. He spoke about taboo topics and he didn’t care who he offended, because everything he said came from the Word of God. He wasn’t there to make people feel good about their cycle of sin. On the contrary, he was there to help them break free, to get saved, and to grow closer to the Lord. His delivery of God’s Word had my whole spirit on fire and I knew instantly this church was going to help me grow closer to God. I could hear the Holy Spirit whisper in my ear “This is the one.”

“The Church is the Church only when it exists for others…not dominating, but helping and serving. It must tell men of every calling what it means to live for Christ, to exist for others.” — Dietrich Bonhoeffer

I felt immediately welcomed by the Pastor, his wife, and the rest of the team. There is a great mix of families, both with younger and older children, young to middle-aged singles, married couples, youth, and the elderly. The community is incredible and I’ve never felt out of place for being a single mum, but rather I’m accepted, valued, and loved, and my son is too.

The worship team consists of various musicians which is mixed every week. The songs aren’t particularly modern and depending on who’s playing, the band can be hit or miss. Fortunately, the whole church congregation is very enthusiastic about worship, so there’s always lots of passion which makes it enjoyable.

Community

The Word every week is solid and life-changing, but the community is what keeps me going back. There’s a variety of small groups for everyone, which involves bible study and prayer. The church also hosts a Christianity Explored course, which is incredible. They provide so many avenues to encourage spiritual growth.

There are plenty of socials, from activity-based days out, to monthly dinner dates and lunches, women’s socials, men’s socials, 20s-30s groups, 40+ groups, youth groups, and even weekend trips away. These events help us all to bond and cultivate deep meaningful friendships. If you don’t already, I strongly advise you to get involved with your church’s social activities as this is what will help you establish long-lasting connections with other members.

I’m blessed to say that my church feels like home to me, and this is how it should be for all of us. It should be a place of safety, comfort, growth, and community. As individual members, our role is to come together with our unique gifts, forming one body in Christ.

“​​Just as our bodies have many parts and each part has a special function, so it is with Christ’s body. We are many parts of one body, and we all belong to each other .”— Romans 12:4–5 (NLT)

I’d love for us to connect and to hear about your own experiences with church. Do you attend and if not, why? If you do, how do the leaders help you grow closer to Christ? What is the community like?