Choosing Expat Life in the US

When you want a better life, but still want to speak English

My husband will only abandon the US for an English-speaking country, and we are down to Ireland, which we can’t afford unless we want to live in the countryside where the English, I’m guessing, isn’t necessarily decipherable.

To the rural Irish, we will sound like we are yelping and I suspect that between not drinking, not being Catholic, and not being raised on a farm, I’d have trouble fitting in.

I’ve already done the math. I cannot afford urban Ireland, although I love the sound of Limerick.

Turns out cities everywhere cost a lot, and after moving to the countryside in a bid to downsize, I am seeing the clear advantages of the expat lifestyle while remaining in the US.

We didn’t plan on becoming expats, but in Arkansas, that’s how it feels.

Neither visa nor passports are necessary, although I’d recommend buying chigger repellant.

They Speak English, in a Way

In Arkansas, the hillbilly’s English is oft heard. The term ‘y’all’ is used daily, but it’s easy to master because it makes perfect sense. “You” is imprecise, as it can be singular or plural and once y’all get the hang of saying ‘y’all,’ y’all will become big fans.

If you want to get advanced, try using ‘y’all 2' to indicate a couple.

The twang is real but other-worlders will have no problem conducting basic transactions, like grocery purchases, while making simple conversation with the natives.

The Currency Is in Dollars!

A few years back, they outlawed the practice of trading possum hides or raccoon pelts for dry goods, so the dollar is considered standard currency.

Prices are somewhat lower, especially if you buy a house in the country.

You won’t need to use those currency exchange kiosks, or wonder if you are getting ripped off at the Pemex pump.

This doesn’t mean you can’t trade moonshine or catfish for sundries, but in most every corner of the state, American cash is honored.

Affordable Housing

Prices are rising everywhere, even in the American South, but you’ll find Arkansas the cheapest place in this country to find housing.

We don’t know why. It seems like Mississippi or West Virginia should be cheaper, but who are we, humble Arkansans, to question this happy turn of fate?

This state is extremely rural, with the only large city being Little Rock. That’s where Bill and Hillary moved once they hit the big time, right on up to the Governor’s mansion, which probably also got property tax breaks.

A rural property still gets an exemption here. For example, we only pay $700 a year in property taxes for a three-bedroom home.

Food Is Right in Your Backyard

Food prices are the same as in the rest of the country but you can hunt and fish nearly everywhere. The deer aren’t massive, but they are plentiful.

In our literal neck of the woods, the first deer killed must be donated to the community for the poor, so I guess you’d call that a venison tax.

I’ve also found a nice assortment of mushrooms in our local forest, although from what I’ve read expats aren’t necessarily into foraging.

My point is, you won’t get Mexico prices but you’ll save money if you adapt to the culture and buy a crossbow.

Recreation: A Critical Expat Resource

We have more cheap recreation than most other states. I’ve mentioned hunting and fishing, but if you aren’t into killing things there are other options.

We also have an amazing collection of mountain biking trails, owing to the intense desire of the Walmart sons to turn Arkansas into the next Utah, sans slickrock.

It’s cheaper to recreate here, whether it’s golf — which is plentiful — boating, or hiking.

We have 52 state parks, which is a boatload considering we aren’t a very big state.

If You Drink, and You Should

Expats are known for their Margaritaville madcappery, and we welcome you with open arms. We have bars and cantinas and convenience stores located on even the most backwoodsy roads.

We’ve recently invented the Arkatonic, the unofficial state beverage consisting of moonshine, Mt. Dew, and a splash of spring water. It’s refreshing, it’s cheap, it’s sometimes homemade, and the color is reminiscent of springtime in the Ozarks.

When I say invented, I’m talking about myself and a member of my basketball club, but since she’s a native I trust her instincts.

Where You Will Create Community

I’ve never lived the expat life in Costa Rica or Portugal, so I don’t know how you meet others of your kind overseas, but here in Hot Springs Village, we congregate in the churches.

If you aren’t religious, you can join the Unitarians.

You will meet other people who’ve escaped big city traffic, high housing costs, crowds, and learning another language.

They are often old and politically extreme, just like most people who move to San Miguel de Allende.

Don’t be afraid of church. Congregants who’ve attended since birth are no more spiritual than you are.

These days, anything beyond sweat pants and a rumpled hoodie is considered dressed up, so come as you are and pray.

The Weather Is Above Average

This ain’t a tropical paradise but it’s probably a step up from wherever you live.

Midwestern winters and Texas summers do show up, but they don’t last long.

We get a lot of Chicagoland and Milwaukee peeps desperate to escape frozen wintery despair and truckloads of Texans who want more shade trees.

It’s no exaggeration to say we have four pretty well-balanced seasons. I won’t pretend it’s perfect — I’d rather live in a climate like Hawaii — but you are most likely trading up.

Final Expat Advice

Until I left my former city, now over one million, I didn’t realize the advantages of living rural.

I knew I hated traffic, just like you do, but I didn’t understand escape was possible.

I recently returned to the Big City and as I sat in some infernal multi-lane pit of vehicular mass — a daily occurrence — I thanked the gods I would be soon going home to spacious, serene Arkansas.

When I lived in the Big City, I couldn’t appreciate how much mental effort it took every time I visited the hardware store, because I always had to decide: do I want to try Home Depot, Lowes, or Ace? Which is the better deal and has the least obnoxious customer service?

I had too many choices.

Now I go to the only hardware store and call everyone by their first names and even though I know way too much about the interpersonal dynamics of the management and how George the paint guy’s dad was a miserable a-hole who ruined his life, it’s a fair trade.

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Jean Campbell is based in Hot Springs, Arkansas. She has been writing on Medium for three years, and is proud to report her income has plummeted less precipitously than several other excellent writers on this platform! She writes humor, often accidentally, and delves into issues of the middle-middle-late portion of life.