Part I: Choose your Journey: Becoming

Why I am intentionally choose the paths of decolonizing and deconstructing.

DISCLAIMER:

THIS ARTICLE IS ABOUT ME. I am responding to a mutual and providing a response that is long overdue. I am NOT telling anyone to decolonize, when to decolonize, or how to decolonize.

I writing this article the week of my 20th anniversary. I have been decolonizing and deconstructing over 10 years. My life partner recently started his own journeys a couple of years ago. This is a journey and one must be ready to journey along this path for themselves.

I will be centering my perspective and lens in the post. I am adding this disclaimer because I will not be censoring my speech or tone. However, know what I am saying and how I am saying it; I am not targeting anyone.

In the book “Becoming”, Michelle Obama allows you to journey with her as she explores her connection to her enslave ancestors of Georgia to her family based in Chicago. She allows you to see life from her lens from college through White House. She allows you to glimpse her journey of becoming Michelle Obama. I learned so much from her and how she views the chapters of her life where she is on her journey.

One of the key things I learned is that, we will not know who were are to be until we reach the end of our journey. I am still learning who I want to be and what legacy I want to leave. I know that by stripping away the domestication provided through the colonization process is part of process I must endure on my way to becoming who I will be at the end of my journey on this planet.

Which do you choose?

I have written about decolonizing before, and it, along with the lens through which you are viewing reality, are constant themes that you will find in my writings. Your lens on life matters. I am a sociologist by training. Much of how I view life is through that scope.

“Sociology is the study of social life, social change, and the social causes and consequences of human behavior.” Seeing a person through the lens of the environment they have been in and are currently in.

Everything that happens to us affects the lens through which we view life and how we engage with it. Whatever ecosystem will affect how we perform in life for the good, the bad, and the ugly. If you are looking to heal from conscience and unconscious trauma, you need to confront it head-on and talk about it.

“I argue that decolonization is an on-going process of becoming, unlearning, and relearning regarding who we are…”

Ranjan Datta

Wiring

I am wired very differently from many people, including those in my immediate family. Other than my partner and my father, my motives, intentions, and demeanor are often misunderstood. I speak in definitives; I am not wishy-washy, nor do I waiver. I have been called robotic, cold, callous, unfeeling, and unpassionate. I have never been labeled the ice-cold princess, but some have inferred it. I have insecurities and indecisive moments like anyone else.

However, I let very few people close enough to see me in those states of being. If I need advice, I seek out wisdom from those I trust in private. I cry my tears in private, and I even show affection in private. I say all of that because, other than Dr. J., 97% of the people in my life don’t see me when I seek comfort or when I want peace. I disappear when I feel those needs rear their heads, just like an African leopard does when he feels vulnerable.

I desire the true peace that only justice can bring. I do not desire the peace that exists because there is no tension or conflict. I desire comfort, but comfort is the reward of my labor, not the comfort that is brought by exploitation.

I have a growth mindset, I do not apply this just to work and how we tackle change and team management. This is a principle I apply to my life. I am always growing, evolving and changing. Who I am today is not who I was 10 years ago and will not be who I will be next year. I not only allow myself the grace to change, I seek my growth, even if that means I will be uncomfortable or in pain.

For those who played Sims, I am the intellectual Sim who desires freedom.

Becoming and Freedom

Through my decolonization and deconstruction journeys, I am being coming whole. I must know, and I don’t want to be fed a feel-good propaganda lie. I want the whole truth and nothing but the truth. Let me sort it out and make sense of it once I have it. However, my freedom, the *African American community, freedoms, and whether or not the freedom for Americans is bound to confronting the truth, talking about it, making sense of it, repairing the damage, and healing.

As a collective, we will not have true healing without restorative justice. Anyone who has suffered the abuses, sins, and dehumanization of colonization can remove African Americans and insert their ethnic group. If I am looking at my life, I am doing pretty well compared to many Americans, but what would my life look like once I was whole? I have mentioned it before, and I will mention it again. Competition and comparison are Hell’s Wonder Twins.

If the desire is for peace and comfort and not freedom, you will always wonder what a whole me looks like. Look at what I am doing now, but what could I do if I were whole? If you told me that I had to choose only one between freedom, comfort, or peace, I would choose FREEDOM every damn time. Do I need a moment where my paradigm is not shattered? YES, I am human; we all have those needs, but my internal drive leads me to desire freedom. I take the moment to myself and fulfill those needs, then get back to the grind of growing, changing, challenging me, and shifting how I perceive my reality.

For those of you who are familiar with shadow work, Then decolonization and deconstruction work should play into your journey for wholeness. Shadow work has many benefits for your person. However due to the research provided by epigenetics, we now know that we carry the trauma of our ancestors in our DNA.

I decolonize and deconstruct because I choose FREEDOM. I will choose it every damn time. Let me be frank, I thought I had decolonized my perspective of the people of Palestine. I am ashamed to say that the current genocide blew my mind, and I realized that I had fallen for the American PR and propaganda machine. These last two months have been an ongoing decolonization of how I allowed a group of people to be dehumanized in my mind due to propaganda. I chose to be free.

I don’t want the government or anyone else to tell me how I should feel about people’s resistance against a state or an empire. If it were not for Black resistance, we would not be free. If there was no resistance in Central America, they would not be free. If there was no resistance in Africa, they would still be colonies. Those who resist oppression have always been demonized by governments. I, a self-proclaimed student of history, should have known better.

In My DNA

The science of “epigenetics” is the study of how your behaviors and environment can cause changes that affect the way your genes work. Unlike genetic changes, epigenetic changes are reversible and do not change your DNA sequence, but they can change how your body reads a DNA sequence.”

Looking at the past and discovering the wonders, the atrocities, and the mundane truths not taught in education allows me to work through damages done that I didn’t personally experience, yet I still respond to via PTSD and still carry the burdens, those pains, and all that stress within me. and cause a plethora of physical and mental health issues that show up in my present journey. Sociologists refer to the trauma that we, as an African American population, deal with as post-traumatic slave syndrome.

I decolonize so I can know the truth and, in turn, work through that truth and be free. I want to be free of the burdens and chains caused by the trauma I have personally experienced. I do not want to be bound by past trauma as well. I live in the South. Being free and dealing with internal anti-Blackness allows me to call bullshit on external anti-Blackness.

Applying History to Myself

A large portion of my DNA is from Mali; a portion of the enslaved in the USA came from the modern-day Senegambia region, which includes modern-day Mali. Malians were known for lots of things; many will think of the Mansa (it means king) Musa and his golden journey to Mecca.

However, I want to bring up the fact that they were known many things including, notable agricultural (rice, millet, and sorghum) practices, the ability to govern, the breathtaking architecture, and distinguished intellectual centers of learning. This population was known for their strong Islamic beliefs and their powerful storytellers and griots.

I have told you guys countless times that I am a military brat. Both of my parents were damn good soldiers. When I think of his leadership and organizational skills, I think of our shared DNA. When I think of his ability to build anything, he built his first home in the mid-70s. It is still standing today. We have replaced floors and carpet, and he has built cabinets. My father has an excellent green thumb. I think of our shared DNA; most of the Malian side of my DNA comes from him. I gain a deeper understanding of who I am and where my genetics come from, even though European Americans have done everything they can to disconnect us from our past. By decolonizing, I know where to give credit to for my talents, gifts and hobbies.

This video is a great sum of my thoughts about becoming:

https://www.tiktok.com/t/ZT8uWQ1kN/

PART II:

Scarlet Ibis James 🦩 This long ass response is from a conversation we were having back in September in the comment section of one of my articles. I apologize for the delay in response.

Shanté

© 2023 Shanté Nixon. All rights reserved

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RESOURCES AND SOURCES

https://www.nps.gov/ethnography/aah/aaheritage/histcontextsd.htm#:~:text=The%20British%20and%20Portuguese%20account,(Eltis%20et%20al%202001

www.psycom.net/trauma/epigenetics-trauma

www.webmd.com/mental-health/what-is-intergenerational-trauma

www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC6127768

https://www.un.org/unispal/about-the-nakba/

https://amzn.to/3tojC8F