Choose Change Language

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1701

Abstract

s one day at a time. If an individual slacks and says something out of sorts, brass, or edgy, they can begin to catch the spark of their thoughts before they speak the next time. Asking a few powerful questions gets us started:<ul><li>What’s behind the statement?</li><li>What prompts you to say something with a hint of sarcasm when you are working so hard to heal a relationship?</li><li>What story line is emerging in the back of your mind to bring something up, with the intent of hurting someone, while relieving your own suffering?</li></ul>Check the language you tell yourself before you open your mouth. Maybe, you’ll change the direction of the conversation. After all, people offer warning signs. They tell you how something you did or said made them feel. Instead of taking a victim’s stance and say something like, “I’m such a bad person!” as well as “All I ever do is hurt you,” take a step back and listen to the inner narrative inside.Listen to the voice inside your head. Is it telling you some story line your brain created from childhood, from attachment or abandonment schemas, or fears? Stop and breathe. Put your hand on your chest and calm yourself.In the midst of a quarrel, perceptions created from life experiences, jump ahead of the thinking brain. The best time to practice catching a spark is when life is calm; minus any conflict. If the time is spent correcting thought patterns at non-stressful times, the brain is easier to engage when struggles increase.When we are set in survival mode, the brain perceives threats on a continuing basis. Each time a threat is realized, ruminated upon,

Options

and then repeated our brain seeks the quickest way to prevent injury to our person.Wonderful is the survival mode when we are in true danger; catastrophe when our daily lives become a hotbed of traumatic responses without an end to the constant surge of cortisol and nor-adrenaline.<figure id="828e"><img src="https://cdn-images-1.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:800/1*WNiZbPDdy6eBF_3W2fi2vg.png"><figcaption>Image by Pamela, 2020</figcaption></figure>Recognize we are all capable of saying something where our partner or children are hurt. The constant cycle repeats itself inflicting the same traumatic hormonal response from children to adults in stressful situations. Repetitive behaviors and statements, phrases, and insinuations all lead to the same fractured content in relationships.It’s the consistent catching of the thoughts, which stops the cycle of mental anguish to defend oneself and instead become in tune with the inner dialogue.When we demand everyone think like us, we miss an essential element of free thought. When we forget what our partners or children tell us, which makes them feel bad, we drop the empathic connection to build relationships.Once we see what patterns we have develop, we can change the language and live more accepting of other’s thoughts and feelings. Only then will we be able to change specific patterns of behavior. To stop the behavioral patterns, which send the mind into a downward spiral causing more pain and trauma, means to take back control over emotions and in turn, change behavioral patterns.~Just a thought by Pamela</article></body>

The Experience

Who would have thought my take on the cognitive behavioral triangle would have taken hold. The simple concept helped stop the cycle of abuse by challenging a person to capture the spark between the thought (only controllable after it enters the mind) and the feeling (also controllable after one notices it). Once a spark is captured, a person can make a choice with that to do, rather than live in a state of constant reaction. The domestic violence educational program where I developed the concept, continues to encourage men (that is my group work), to “catch the spark for a brighter future.” The statement became the motto for my agency, Advanced Behavioral Changes, LLC.

The Concept

Change happens one day at a time. If an individual slacks and says something out of sorts, brass, or edgy, they can begin to catch the spark of their thoughts before they speak the next time. Asking a few powerful questions gets us started:

What’s behind the statement?

What prompts you to say something with a hint of sarcasm when you are working so hard to heal a relationship?

What story line is emerging in the back of your mind to bring something up, with the intent of hurting someone, while relieving your own suffering?

Check the language you tell yourself before you open your mouth. Maybe, you’ll change the direction of the conversation. After all, people offer warning signs. They tell you how something you did or said made them feel. Instead of taking a victim’s stance and say something like, “I’m such a bad person!” as well as “All I ever do is hurt you,” take a step back and listen to the inner narrative inside.

Listen to the voice inside your head. Is it telling you some story line your brain created from childhood, from attachment or abandonment schemas, or fears? Stop and breathe. Put your hand on your chest and calm yourself.

In the midst of a quarrel, perceptions created from life experiences, jump ahead of the thinking brain. The best time to practice catching a spark is when life is calm; minus any conflict. If the time is spent correcting thought patterns at non-stressful times, the brain is easier to engage when struggles increase.

When we are set in survival mode, the brain perceives threats on a continuing basis. Each time a threat is realized, ruminated upon, and then repeated our brain seeks the quickest way to prevent injury to our person.

Wonderful is the survival mode when we are in true danger; catastrophe when our daily lives become a hotbed of traumatic responses without an end to the constant surge of cortisol and nor-adrenaline.

Image by Pamela, 2020

Recognize we are all capable of saying something where our partner or children are hurt. The constant cycle repeats itself inflicting the same traumatic hormonal response from children to adults in stressful situations. Repetitive behaviors and statements, phrases, and insinuations all lead to the same fractured content in relationships.

It’s the consistent catching of the thoughts, which stops the cycle of mental anguish to defend oneself and instead become in tune with the inner dialogue.

When we demand everyone think like us, we miss an essential element of free thought. When we forget what our partners or children tell us, which makes them feel bad, we drop the empathic connection to build relationships.

Once we see what patterns we have develop, we can change the language and live more accepting of other’s thoughts and feelings. Only then will we be able to change specific patterns of behavior. To stop the behavioral patterns, which send the mind into a downward spiral causing more pain and trauma, means to take back control over emotions and in turn, change behavioral patterns.

~Just a thought by Pamela

Choose Change Language

Starting a business in the heart of COVID, while taking a concept from the start of my career to the center of the educational platform enhances and changes lives.

The Experience

The Concept