Children Growing Up, Elderly Dying And Other Things That I Am Not There To See

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Abstract

I know that because of the pandemic, my feelings are more intense; I haven’t seen my parents in over two years and any other member of my family. And then there is the issue of how happy I am with my life in the UK? After so much struggle, I am not leaving until I get my British passport. And until I make my biggest dream come true.I am happy with my partner, but it’s one person against my whole family. And then I need to remember that he is my family now. But people still need people, because after spending a couple of hours with his family on Christmas Day, his parents and his siblings, life felt better. For me, Christmas is a time to spend with your family and put the differences aside because they do exist. We can’t pretend they don’t.When I first moved to the UK due to my ex-husband work, I could travel to Brazil whenever I wanted, which made my life easier; after a lot of changes, now I can hardly afford one ticket per year, and as an Immigrant, this feels like a failure.<a href="https://tamirescriscio.medium.com/i-feel-like-a-failure-most-days-82a43c4cc0f">I wrote before about feeling like a failure,</a> and from time to time, this feeling comes bac # Options k. It came back during that call. On the other hand, I didn’t give up on my worst year here, 2020, during the pandemic,<a href="https://tamirescriscio.medium.com/what-being-unemployed-and-on-benefits-has-taught-me-7dcc25f7b728?source=search_popover----------------------------------------"> unemployed and on benefits</a>. I rebuilt my life. A life that slowly is getting better. But of course, I want more. I want to be able to afford a house and start a family. That’s my biggest dream.I achieved my most important goal of 2021, and now it’s time to start planning for 2022. And the only thing we have control of is learning from our mistakes and the things we have done right. What worked and what didn’t work, and how we can make them work.I am happy Christmas 2021 is done because as much as I try, this is a hard time for me, and this last one was less hard than the ones before since moving to the UK, and now I know what I need to do to make it better the next time.The raw feelings and the pain is still there, but now I have better resources to deal with them. I am still not where I want to be, but I am better than where I was before. And that’s progress.</article></body>

by being an Immigrant

So, Christmas 2021 is gone. Uppeeee. I confess that I was excited, and then on the 23rd, after a video call with my father’s family, while I cried, Christmas felt heavy. As an Immigrant, I am used to missing stuff, but they are priceless. I have been missing children growing up (and all their Birthday parties) and elderly dying (and all their funerals and masses), including my mother’s mother, whom I loved very much and will never see again.

Then I thought, what do I have to show my family to justify my life here? Rationally, I know I don’t need to justify anything. But emotionally, I feel I do. For what, I am choosing the UK over Brazil? And I cannot stop questioning if my life would be better there than here.

I know that because of the pandemic, my feelings are more intense; I haven’t seen my parents in over two years and any other member of my family. And then there is the issue of how happy I am with my life in the UK? After so much struggle, I am not leaving until I get my British passport. And until I make my biggest dream come true.

I am happy with my partner, but it’s one person against my whole family. And then I need to remember that he is my family now. But people still need people, because after spending a couple of hours with his family on Christmas Day, his parents and his siblings, life felt better. For me, Christmas is a time to spend with your family and put the differences aside because they do exist. We can’t pretend they don’t.

When I first moved to the UK due to my ex-husband work, I could travel to Brazil whenever I wanted, which made my life easier; after a lot of changes, now I can hardly afford one ticket per year, and as an Immigrant, this feels like a failure.

I wrote before about feeling like a failure, and from time to time, this feeling comes back. It came back during that call. On the other hand, I didn’t give up on my worst year here, 2020, during the pandemic, unemployed and on benefits. I rebuilt my life. A life that slowly is getting better. But of course, I want more. I want to be able to afford a house and start a family. That’s my biggest dream.

I achieved my most important goal of 2021, and now it’s time to start planning for 2022. And the only thing we have control of is learning from our mistakes and the things we have done right. What worked and what didn’t work, and how we can make them work.

I am happy Christmas 2021 is done because as much as I try, this is a hard time for me, and this last one was less hard than the ones before since moving to the UK, and now I know what I need to do to make it better the next time.

The raw feelings and the pain is still there, but now I have better resources to deal with them. I am still not where I want to be, but I am better than where I was before. And that’s progress.