Childhood Memories

Drowning

Nightmares you can’t escape them no matter what you do. Childhood memories most of mine are bad. Water filled my ears while being submerged and held down. I grew up in Cincinnati, Ohio, in a predominantly black neighborhood. Winton Terrace was the name. I later in life learned that it was the ghetto, I never knew that description of it until I no longer lived there. My mother had four children, I’m the oldest one. She had me at fourteen, my father was thirteen. I grew up in a very abusive household, my father was an alcoholic and he would constantly put his hands on my mother. I was about five years old when I remember hiding with my mom in the closet. I could hear my father smashing stuff, hollering he was drunk out of his mind. The noises I heard had me flinching in fear. But I need to get back to the reason why I’m up at 5 am. I woke up shaking, heart racing, and my body was in a fetal position. Anxiety is up and my body is still– here alone, and scared. My childhood memory. I was about eleven years old or maybe twelve. It was like 90 degrees outside that day, and my household was pretty much in disarray since my dad and mom had already succumbed to the drugs and alcohol and were living separate lives. My siblings and I had to fend for ourselves, but with me being the oldest, I had to figure things out. My mom was down at my auntie’s house strung out or over a friend’s house. Sometimes she’s would go for days and leave us by ourselves.

I didn’t know why but ended up finding out why. Anyway, I went to the neighborhood pool it was hot everybody was there we didn’t own an air conditioner. I get there and I sit at the edge of the pool where the deep end was at a dipped my feet in the water. I didn’t want to get in, I couldn’t swim. This boy that liked me and I liked him but I didn’t know much about having a boyfriend, besides I was a tomboy. He and his friend came over to me and we were talking and he tried to kiss me and I pulled back. He didn’t like my resistance next thing I heard was “Mack attack” which was his friend. That was his word for his dog he kept on a leash. They were best friends, but he had gotten Mack to do most of his bullying. Mack looked at me and smiled he grabbed my legs it all happened so fast. I was underwater hollering and screaming chlorine-filled my nose bubbles emerged from my mouth. I could see the lifeguard, but no one noticed me. He would take me under and hold me and repeated it. I could hear the water filling up in my ears as I close my eyes, the burning sensation from the chlorine was getting to me. I tried to fight him, I really did. I felt sleepy the fourth time he held me under. The other person must have realized it was getting out of hand, so he called off his guard dog. The people around had finally noticed and rushed over to me. They banned him from the pool. And me pressing charges, I was only a child no one would do anything about it. I walked home with rose colored-filled eyes and chlorine scented perfume. Where was my protection I couldn’t run to my mom, she was doing her own thing? My heart ached, I went to a lonely house, cabinets were bare things in the house were disappearing sound system tv’s, etc This memory continues to haunt me I have dreams of drowning and I still can’t swim. One of my childhood memories, I have more and I will continue to write about them hoping to heal.

Thanks for reading.Beautiful ones.