Chauvin Trial: Was His Conviction Justice Or Vengeance?

Does it even matter anymore?

I am a former police officer. I lasted about eight and a half years before I was forced to retire due to an injury. I admit my bias for law enforcement.

I also admit my disgust for bad police officers and my faith in a broken system.

I know a lot of good men and women who were great law enforcement officers. Unfortunately, I also knew a few Derek Chauvin’s.

Of course, I don’t personally know Chauvin. I don’t want to presume anything about him, any more than I do about George Floyd, whom I also didn’t know.

I only know what I have seen and heard on the media. I have seen the video of him kneeling on the neck of George Floyd. It is a technique I, and tens of thousands of cops, have used on a daily basis. Except no one died when I used it.

I knew a couple of cops whose attitude was, “Kill ’em all and let God sort ’em out.” I knew some who felt absolute cooperation from everyone is mandatory. If you do not follow their orders, the consequences are yours. I also knew far more who did their jobs with respect and professionalism.

I had a conversation with an ex-cop today about what would happen if Chauvin was acquitted. We discussed the riots. . .I discussed the riots. His attitude was, “If they riot, shoot ’em. If they throw a rock at the police, shoot ’em. If they burn stuff, shoot ’em. The others will learn quickly not to fuck with the cops.” In my experience, his attitude was a rarity. But maybe not as rare as I would like to believe.

I have seen good cops, men and women cry and spiral down to the depths of despair when their actions resulted in the deaths of others, even though their actions were justified.

I know of good cops who committed suicide from the things they have seen. I know others who have talked about suicide. I know of many with alcohol problems, broken marriages. Some got help, some didn’t. It is not a job for the faint of heart. And, yes. They can quit and do something else. Some have.

Were Chauvin’s actions justified? I cannot bring myself to say they were. But I cannot bring myself to say they weren’t either. I was not there. Neither were the vast majority of the people who are screaming for Chauvin’s head.

I, and every other cop out there, have seen the videos of cops getting ambushed or killed by seemingly cooperative and contrite subjects.

I, and every other cop out there, have been in a situation where the subject we were arresting was cooperative one minute, then the next minute they were fighting to get our guns to kill us. We have all been afraid of the job. My attitude now is the same as it was then: “I will kill you before I let you take me with my gun. One of us is going home tonight, and it isn’t you.”

I, and many other cops, survived. Many did not. And many of us thought we wouldn’t, at one time or another.

I, and many other cops, have taken money out of our own pockets to assist someone in need. . .every race, every sex, every religion. It didn’t matter.

Yes, I know you know there are good cops out there. And I agree that more of them need to take a stand against bad cops. All of them need to take that stand. But I also know that it isn’t always so black and white.

The culture and training of police work needs change. The culture of, and acceptance by, the public regarding police work needs to change. Together, change is needed. Not riots.

But I get it. Riots, burning, stealing, looting, and protests get attention. But some of those things garner animosity and the wrong kind of attention. The wrong kind of attention diminishes the impact of the actions of the many. It creates a distraction from the issues, resentment of the participants, and fear of each side.

Please don’t take me wrong. I am not excusing Chauvin’s actions. I am not criticizing George Floyd. I am not rationalizing or justifying what happened. I wasn’t there.

But if I was, would I have done the same thing?

I can honestly answer that, yes, I would have done the same thing. . .up to a point. At some point, before Chauvin did, I want to believe I would have checked Floyd to ensure he was okay. There was plenty of back-up around if I needed it. I have done that in the past.

Part of me says, “But Floyd was a bad man. He was on drugs. He had a bad heart. He tried to get away. He wasn’t cooperating. If he had cooperated, he would still be alive.”

But I know that doesn’t justify the death of a suspect at the hands of a trained police officer. But then again, did Chauvin actually cause Floyd’s death? Or was it the drugs, the heart problem, or other intervening circumstances?

If Chauvin had risen from Floyd’s struggle too early, would Floyd have hurt someone? I know. He was handcuffed.

But I, and every other cop out there, have seen the things that handcuffed suspects are capable of doing.

Or would he have died anyway due to his drug ingestion and bad heart? I don’t know, and neither do the experts. That’s why each side is able to find someone to support their argument.

Then there is the issue of the trial.

Was it a fair trial? Certainly, from a lawyer's perspective, the prosecution and the defense did an excellent job of showing the country how a trial should be held. And the judge kept control of the courtroom and made some good legal decisions. It was quite a change from the O.J. Simpson trial.

But does anyone out there really think Chauvin got a fair trial? Does it even matter to some of you? After all, a black man was killed at the hands of the “white” police. Again.

Riots and protests in the streets, constant playing and replaying of the video of Floyd’s death in the media, comments from elected officials, and friends and relatives of Floyds, and even strangers, who promised more destruction should Chauvin be acquitted. Does that sound like even the pretense that a fair trial was desired by some parties?

Sure, the jury was ordered by the judge not to watch or listen to the media. He did this to avoid the jurors becoming prejudiced or fearful from what they heard. But they were not sequestered, and they are human. They have family and friends who probably made inappropriate comments to them. How do you not get snippets from the internet, passing by a television, looking at your phone? Imagine the pressure they felt.

If they don’t convict, people will riot, fight the police, and others may die.

But after thirty-five years in the criminal justice system, I have to believe the jurors did the right thing. I have to. But I have received results from jurors in the past that I knew in my heart were wrong. It happened when I was a police officer; it happened when I was a prosecutor, and it happened when I was a defense attorney.

But after thirty-five years in the criminal justice system, I know our system suffers from some severe deficiencies.

I support the police. I support law-abiding citizens. I support the right to a fair trial. And I support the right of everyone to not die unnecessarily. This is not an indictment of George Floyd’s life, nor is its approval of the actions of Floyd, Chauvin, or the others at the scene.

I know many of you don’t care for this perspective. To you, the fact that George Floyd, a black man, died at the hands of a white police officer, is all you need to inflame your passions. And maybe rightly so. Maybe not.

No, I am asking the questions others may not be.

Was Derek Chauvin’s conviction justice? Or was it vengeance?

Does it even matter anymore?

Chris J. Kowalski is a former police officer, defense attorney, and prosecutor.