Change Your Story to Change Your Life

Everybody’s got a story

You are responsible for everything that is happening in your life. This truth is hard to accept.

However, if you are one of the few who truly embraces this concept and understands its implications, you will realize the immense power you have over your life.

And you will also discover the enormous responsibility this power brings with it.

However, most people are giving away their power to live the life they truly want by believing the stories they tell themselves about themselves and their lives.

How your circumstances can shape your stories.

We all experience hardship in our life. Pain, struggle, disease, and death are as much part of the human experience as love, joy, birth, and sharing happy memories with loved ones.

What most people fail to realize is that the experiences are just that.

Experiences.

Instead of accepting what happens, they instantly put meaning to every event and judge. “This is good because…” “This is bad because…”

By judging every life event as good or bad, they create a story and attach it to it.

And as they go through life, they live by the constraints of their stories.

For example, my step-father bullied me into believing I was fat, even though I have always been considered average weight. And I struggled to fully participate in PE classes due to my extreme shyness. Team sports and partner exercises seem like torture when you’re terrified of others.

It’s no surprise I grew up believing I was utterly unathletic.

The ironic thing is that I loved watching the Winter Olympics on TV, and I loved watching soccer. At one point, I dreamed of becoming a pro soccer player. However, my story that I was too unathletic prevented me from even trying.

So before I even started to take the first steps, I was already telling myself I would never be able to accomplish my goal.

It was not until I was in my 20s that I started to change the story about my body and what it could do. Today, at 38 years old, I am stronger than ever before — physically and mentally. I am passionate about kettlebell lifting and a decent ultrarunner.

I have changed the story about my body from “I am unathletic” to “I am an athlete.”

By taking action and changing my story about what my body can do, I developed the attitudes and habits of an athlete.

What are the stories you are telling yourself?

Have you ever considered whether the stories you tell yourself about yourself and your life are true?

Are you even aware of them?

We accept many stories as facts without question. For example, you may say, “I’m a terrible dancer,” or “I can’t cook.” Or maybe you tell yourself, “I will never be able to find true love.”

Examine those beliefs and ask yourself if you can 100% be sure about it if that is so.

For example, if you tell yourself, “I’m a terrible dancer,” ask yourself if this is true and will always be accurate, regardless of how much you practice. Is it not likely that you will improve as a dancer if you start to practice regularly and actually believe you will improve?

And would it not be possible that you would remain “a terrible dancer” if you didn’t give your best effort during dance classes because you believed you couldn’t improve anyways?

Can you see how powerful the stories you tell yourself are?

The moment you become aware that your life is shaped by the stories you tell yourself about yourself is when you can truly change your life.

The two magic words.

So what do you do when you believe those disempowering stories that prevent you from living the life you want to live?

Some people suggest going through a process of uncovering the limiting beliefs behind those stories and replacing them with better ones.

However, I have found that a simple question eliminates the need for a lengthy “uncover your limiting beliefs” process.

A simple question composed of two words is all I need to get me to act on my big dreams and goals.

The question is, “What if.”

“What if I could be in a loving, healthy long-term relationship?” opened the door for me to find true love after being single for over 15 years.

“What if I could finish an ultramarathon?” led me to run ultras for the past two years.

And “What if I could be successful doing something I love?” gave me the courage and discipline to share my writing publicly and start my personal training business.

Whenever I get discouraged, and self-doubt and fear of failure make me procrastinate on my goals, I ask myself, “What if.”

What if my dream could become true? What if I could succeed? This usually helps me to get going and take action.

Asking myself “What if” is also a more playful approach than my old one, where I would get overly anxious about a goal I wanted to achieve.

Instead of grinding my teeth and trying to force the outcome, I now enjoy the process and am curious about the result.

Replace your old stories with new ones.

Now that you know that your life is the sum of the stories you tell yourself, you have a choice.

You can either go on telling yourself the old stories that have gotten you to where you are now, or you can start telling yourself new stories.

You always have a choice in how you describe the events in your life and the stories you create from them. So why not create empowering stories that help you achieve your boldest dreams?

Imagine how your life would change if you genuinely found value and the learning lessons in every experience.

Instead of wallowing in self-pity and blaming others for your circumstances, you look for the learning lessons and opportunities within each obstacle.

This isn’t about ignoring the facts or toxic positivity.

However, it is about recognizing when you are creating stories instead of simply looking at the facts. And when you know you are creating stories, you can simply create new ones.

For example, when I started running to get fit, I changed the story about my body from “I am unathletic” to “school sports just wasn’t for me.”

And the more I told myself the story that I was a runner, the more my actions shifted.

I not only ran. I also adopted healthier eating patterns, stopped drinking alcohol, and prioritized sleep.

Choose the life you want.

Every time you tell yourself a story, you are creating your life.

The bad news is that many of us believe the stories we hear from our parents, teachers, and friends. The good news is that you can decide to change your story.

You can decide that you are no longer held back by limiting beliefs about what you can or can’t do.

When you start to tell yourself empowering stories, you become powerful.