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How Transgender Day Of Visibility changed my life

Transgender Day Of Visibility (March 31st) is an important one for the trans community. It was started in 2009, by trans activist Rachel Crandell. A date where we can all proudly acknowledge/tell the world who we truly are.

But that wasn’t always the case with me. Though having quietly come out to myself and two friends around 2018, I had never found the courage to tell anyone else. So for every TDOV leading up to 2021’s celebration (and it is one), I had feebly acknowledged the day on social media, but only as an ally and in support of the trans community. You know, my actual community.

Whether it was fear of hostile feedback from loved ones, strangers or bizarrely, rejection from the trans community, I had never considered coming out myself. No, it was enough to support others, but remain vastly in the closet . . . and perhaps, secretly hope that others might go hmmm, Emlyn acknowledges this day every year, seems to have feminine tendencies, posts support for the trans community from time-to-time. So could Em be trans?

That was my silly, lazy fantasy. But I would always end up disappointed when nobody asked if I were trans — and so give me an excuse to just say it. So what the hell was I waiting for? Well, for other folks’ permission it seemed.

So, March 31st, 2021 came upon us, and my Facebook memories for that day reminded me it was TDOV. I was about to send my usual support post, when I ended up scrolling through my memories and found all those other, past support posts. I suddenly thought but you ARE transgender Emlyn. So enough of this shit and just tell everyone. It was the perfect opportunity to do so.

I deleted my initial support post, and began writing a brief, but definite coming out post — with a picture of me in makeup, etc. Upon finishing the text, my finger hovered over the Post button for what felt like forever, until I literally said oh fuck it, and tapped away. I remember then getting up, throwing on a jacket and marching off to the nearby churchyard — despite the weather being typically Irish that day.

I was half-drenched arriving at the churchyard, my feet on auto-pilot as I then wound my usual path amongst Celtic crosses and headstones. It was peaceful, until I suddenly stopped and thought oh you bloody eejit, what have you done. Having left my phone, and any sort of internet access behind, I sped back home . . . hoping I’d arrive in time to delete that careless post before anyone saw it. Before anyone could judge me, laugh at me, threaten me, unfriend me; all the worst case scenarios mobbing me from within.

What I found truly shocked me. Picking up the phone, tapping Facebook to life and seeing that I now had a zillion notifications, I began nervously reading them. All my fears faded quickly however, as I realised they were all messages of love, happiness and support. I also realised I had just build myself up for rejection beforehand. . . not expecting the opposite at all. It was pure joy and relief. I almost forgot to change out of my damp clothes.

Some weeks later, I came out to my family. Despite the joy of TDOV, my old terrors had returned . . . and again they were unfounded. I am now living openly as a transgender woman, and never would be if TDOV had not made me take a chance. For if people truly love you, and there’s a mutual element of trust there already, then you may be surprised at their reactions.

Of course I’m not saying that everyone will automatically accept you (but that’s absolutely their problem, not yours), and unfortunately many trans and LGBTQ folk are rejected by family/friends. But that still shouldn’t keep you within a prison of your own making — unless its purely for safety reasons.

I have been lucky so far, but know there are folk out there that don’t like, hate or even downright wish to hurt me for existing. But alas, I can only be my own true, happy self (as everyone might be in a perfect world). So I hope you can take that chance, and try living as your own true self. It really is liberating.

If you’ve any trans friends/family in your life, then please support them as allies on Transgender Day Of Visibly (and everyday of course!). Thanks for reading.