Challenge your negative thoughts and improve the quality of your life
Improving the quality of your life often starts with reframing and reshaping the way you view yourself and the world.
by: E.B. Johnson
Nomatter how hard we try to avoid them, negative thoughts are everywhere, just waiting to lead us off track and distract us. Negative thinking can bog us down, and make it hard for us to operate in day-to-day life or make the big decisions that really matter. If you want to find your way back to happiness again, you have to learn how to challenge and replace your negative thoughts and emotions, but that’s a challenge that takes time and a lot of hard work on the inside.
Contstant negative thinking (also known as rumination) isn’t healthy, and overcoming it is a process that takes a conscious awareness and a committed effort. Negative or unwanted thoughts undermine your self confidence and leave you plagued with insecurities. Rather than allowing yourself to be distracted by what isn’t, you have to learn to focus on what is — and learn how to live a happier life by understanding your negative emotions and how you can reframe them.
Where do negative thoughts come from?
Negative thinking is fear-based, meaning it stems from our insecurities and those things in life which wounded us or made us hesitant.We are born as a blank slate and form our beliefs and opinions over time, based on the examples set by our caretakers and the experiences that comprise our lives.
All of theses things come together to form the foundation of how we interact with the world, and it is through these experiences that we form our ideas of self and ability.Negative thinking can develop in a lot of secret and hidden parts of ourselves, but it’s our responsibility to dig deep and try to understand where it comes from. While our experiences can contribute to our negative patterns of thinking, the quality and state of brain can contribute as well, hindering our positivity with vengeful mental illnesses like depression and anxiety.
The types of negative thinking.
Negative thinking is also referred to as cognitive distortion in the psych world. These cognitive distortions are simply the ways in which our mind convinces us of something that isn’t quite true. These inaccurate thoughts reinforce our negative thinking and keep us stuck. To overcome them, you have to understand them.
1. Polarization
When we trap ourselves in a polarized way of thinking, we start to see things as only “black or white”. Polarized thinking means all or nothing; it means having to be perfect or being a complete failure. There is no middle ground when our thinking is polar. It’s impossible to compromise with ourselves or anyone else for that matter.
Those with polarized thinking place people and situations in either / or categories. There is no shade of grey when it comes to the way they view the world, and even the most complex of circumstances are meaningless to them. There’s only extremes when everything is either one thing or another. One of the most toxic forms of negative thinking, this can also be one of the most difficult to accept, reframe and overcome.
2. Filtering
Those who filter their thinking actually magnify the negative details they find in situations or people. Rather than seeing the good in a situation, they filter out all the positive and focus — with a magnifying glass — on all the negatives. They’re fixated by their disappointment and they expect that same fixation from the people around them.
These are the people that pick our a single, unpleasant detail and pick at it until it’s a major irritation. They like to dwell on things that make them unhappy because it gives them a sense of power of justification in their victimhood. Their reality is dark and it’s distorted. Being around them feels like an energy-suck.
3. The heavenly rewarder
While it is often overlooked, thinking (obsessively) that you will be rewarded for misery or self-sacrifice is an extremely dangerous and negative way of thinking. This is known as the Heaven’s Reward Fallacy, and it is the false belief that a person’s sacrifice and self-denial will pay off to some omnipotent force that’s keeping score for everyone involved.
Thinking in this way relies on the fallacy of fairness, or the idea that in a fair world those who work the hardest and sacrifice the most will get “redeemed”. When they don’t get the payoff they built up in their minds, those who think in this way can become bitter in their disappointments.
4. Emotional reasoning
This distortion of emotional reasoning is when a person believes that their feelings are automatically right and true — no matter what. The problem with this, of course, is that (as humans) our emotions are not always justified and often come from a place that is different from our actual outside circumstances.Emotions are extremely strong, and can overrule our logic when we don’t take the time to understand them and address them rationally.
When our emotions take over entirely, this is emotional reasoning, and it blots out all rationality or logic we might have seen from a different perspective. Those who engage in emotional reasoning are not people who can be reasoned with. This is because emotions do not come only from our brains; they also come from our hearts, our souls and our past experiences.
5. Personalization
When you believe that everything others do is a reaction to you, you are personalizing your thinking. This type of thinking takes you to an obsessive place, where you start to compare yourself to others in a way that is not only unhealthy, but self-defeating as well.
Those who engage in personalized thinking often see themselves as the cause of everything bad, even if they clearly weren’t the cause of it. Sometimes, this kind of self-flagellation can stem from a place of low self-esteem, but beware: it can also come from a need for attention or a need to manipulate the emotions of others.
6. Overgeneralization
This is a common cognitive distortion, and one in which a person comes to a general conclusion based on a single incident or a single pieces of evidence. It doesn’t matter to this person if the evidence is flimsy or lacking in validity, when a bad thing happens once, they expect it to happen over and over again.
A single event becomes a never-ending pattern of self-defeat. Their insecurities cause them to throw in the towel before they’ve ever really given themselves a chance to begin. Overgeneralization is a cycle that has to be broken, lest it overcome us and skew the way we view ourselves and the world and people around us.
7. Catastrophizing
People who catastrophize expect a disaster to strike — no matter what. This type of distortion is also known as magnifying and is a bit like filtering.
Those who engage in this type of negative thinking can simply hear about a problem and quickly build a catastrophe on top of their what-if’s. They always imagine the absolute worst and no matter what assurances they receive, they just know that only bad is going to happen.
8. Jumping to conclusions
Jumping to conclusions occurs when someone believes they know the thoughts and feelings of others around them better than they actually do. This type of thinking can result in fortune telling or holding grudges. There’s a whole array of toxic attitudes and behaviors it inspires. One thing is certain, though: those who employ this type of thinking have a hard time focusing on anything other than negative outcomes.
9. Blaming
This type of cognitive distortion involves holding others responsible for the things we ourselves feel uncomfortable embracing responsibility for.
When a person engages in blaming, they find it hard to hold themselves responsible for the decisions or actions that led them to a certain point; or, conversely, they can blame themselves for everything and internalize a self-hatred that is corrosive to their wellbeing.
10. Global labeling
Global labeling is a massive generalization that focuses on one or two qualities or judgements about ourselves or other people.This extreme form of overgeneralization centers around attaching an unhealthy self-label rather than describing an error in the context of a given situation.
When we mislabel, we describe an event with language that is highly colored and emotionally loaded. Rather than accepting that we failed a single task, we label ourselves losers and start to form our personalities around those beliefs.
11. Fallacy of change.
This is the belief that with enough outward pressure, you can change or control another person’s behavior or choices. This extremely toxic sort of negative thinking is common in relationships with a high level of codependence or emotional dependency, and can also be seen commonly in those who have experienced heartbreak or trauma in the past.
12. The Shouldas
While this might sound like a great 80’s girl-band name, it’s actually a common cognitive distortion and one many of us engage in from time to time. The Shouldas are should statements, which often turn into an ironclad list of rules on how you and every other person should behave.
When people break the rules, those who engage in this type of negative thinking see them instantly as enemies; transgressors that cannot be redeemed. Thinking in a “shoulda” mentality will cause you to believe that you are trying to motivate yourself, but in reality you’re just building up more walls. The emotional consequences of this type of thinking always winds up being guilt, something most of us could do without.
How to challenge our negative thinking.
Our negative thoughts can seem scary or intimidating, but they can be tackled and redirected with a little understanding and know-how. Once you’ve learned how to identify you manner and patterns of negative thinking, you can start to reframe those thoughts by challenging them and the beliefs that reinforce them.
1. Recognize the thought-loop before it starts.
Once you know what kind of negative thinking you commonly engage in, you can start to recognize the triggers that bring on those defeating thought-loops. Stop the negative thoughts before they start and be honest about what brings about the worst reactions in you.
Try to eliminate the factors in your environment that contribute to your negative beliefs and feelings and replace them with more positive factors that can help you channel that energy into something more efficient.
2. Ask yourself probing questions.
Just as you would challenge any would-be politician, challenge your own thinking and beliefs with probing questions.
When you find yourself slipping down the rabbit hole of negative feedback loops, ask yourself the hard questions and really try to get to the bottom of why you feel that way. Question the experiences you’ve had and the assumptions you make; question your reactions and the way you view the people involved in the situation.
Only when you learn how to question your emotions and thoughts can you get to the root of them. Finding solutions isn’t always easy. It takes time to get the answers we need from self. Be patient and accept that any change worth having takes time. You can do this, but it’s going to take some brutal honesty.
3. Distract yourself.
Negative thoughts don’t seem to happen one at a time, they seem to happen in a cluster or a swarm. When the negativity gets too strong for you to handle, switch off for a little while and give yourself the distance you need to calm down with a little distraction.
Get yourself stuck into an activity that takes your mind off of the bad thoughts and redirect your energy into something more positive. Talking to someone is a good distraction, as well as going on a hike or traveling somewhere new.
There’s no one-size-fits all solution when it comes to distracting ourselves from the bad thoughts, just try to find something that speaks to your passions in a way that makes you feel happy again.
4. Replace the negative with something rational.
Rather than thinking about what you aren’t, try thinking about what you are. Negative thoughts are often irrational and based in distortions of reality. When we replace those thoughts with positive ones (which are based on real, verifiable strengths or virtues that we have) we can combat the negative thoughts in a way that is more productive.
Instead of thinking, “I’m ugly,” look through flattering pictures or focus on the parts of your body that you adore. Those are things that exist right here, right now. They are real things that we can celebrate, but we have to have the courage to see them.
5. Release your judgements.
More often than not, our negative thoughts are a judgement; a judgement of ourselves, a judgement of others. We are one judgey species.
Rather than comparing yourself to others or constantly comparing your life against some ridiculous ideal, let go of your hangups and be more at ease with who you are and what you have. You can take a break from your judgemental high horse by recognizing your reactions and observing them briefly before letting them go.
When you notice that you’re judging yourself or someone else negatively — stop, and try to look for something positive or redeeming that can help you see them (and yourself) in a different light.
6. Practice gratitude.
Gratitude is one of the fastest and easiest ways to challenge and undo our negative thinking, but it can take a little time to get right and it always takes a bit of creativity.
Feeling grateful can have a big impact on your happiness and can seriously affect your positivity. Even when things are going horribly, horribly wrong, looking for the silver lining can help you survive by helping you release all the old baggage that kept you feeling stuck and miserable.
Noticing the things are going well makes it possible for you to stay present in the moment and overcome whatever obstacles life has to throw at you. Keeping a gratitude journal is a great way to start and writing just a few things in it each day is an easy way to get back in touch with the things that you’re grateful for.
Putting it all together…
It’s hard to reframe our negative thoughts and emotions, but it’s not impossible. By getting real about who we are and what we want from life, we can unlock the skills that we need to redirect our negative thoughts and channel them into positive energies.
Learn to understand your negative thinking and the shape your most self-chat takes. Spend time with these thoughts and come up with healthy ways you can reshape them into attitudes and beliefs that are more in line with who you are at a core level. Living in the light and truth of our authentic selves is hard and it takes letting go of the baggage that has held us tied down all the years. Reframe your negative thinking and learn how to use it for good by asking yourself the tough questions and having the courage to take charge of your own happiness.
