Life on a small boat
Celery Spoiled My Day…
…by causing an unpleasant snarl-up
Do bears shit in the woods?
Do sailors shit in the sea?
‘The heads’ is what sailors call ‘the toilet’ and there’s no getting round it when it’s in the bow of the ship. Check out the medieval Swedish warship The Vasa:
Here’s what the caption to that picture says;
The head on the beakhead of the 17th-century warship Vasa. The toilets are the two square box-like structures on either side of the bowsprit. On the starboard side, there are still minor remnants of the original seat.
That’s informative and I hope that there are no other ossified remnants…
And how comfortable would they be in a big sea? I’d be hanging on and crapping myself.
Strange that, writing this piece brought back a memory. I worked in Stockholm for a year way back in 1998 and actually went to see the Vasa in her museum. However, I don’t recall visiting the heads…
On other ships it was just a plank with a hole.
Or a bucket.
Back up part 1
Anyway, this one is mine, the electric version. I’ll get to the celery (not celebrity) bit in a minute, so stick around:
I also have a manual back-up toilet (and a bucket of course) but ‘back-up’ is certainly the operative word for this electric toilet.
Celery
I’d recently read an article that celery was good for cleansing one’s system. Not that I’ve ever had any problems in that department, but it sounded like a good thing. It’s not a regular on our table as my partner does not like celery. Anyway, I started incorporating it into my diet.
A clean colon is a good thing right? And that brought to mind the unforgettable scene in L.A. Story when Steve Martin emerges from a clinic where he’s had a colonic irrigation with Sarah Jessica Parker. I mean you’d have to, wouldn’t you?
He could have joined Monty Python’s Ministry of Silly Walks with that performance.
Back-up part 2
Yes, my electric head backed up.
You can read on with safety because there are no more photos beyond this point. I think. But the smell way get worse.
I located the manual amongst all the others I keep for such essential task, then I got out the spanners and other tools. My memory was fresh, unlike my nose, because it was less than a year since I’d installed the unit. It had been a tight and fiddly fit.
But first, the detritus.
I had to clean it out before I could investigate further. We’ll move swiftly on at this point.
I dismantled the essential bits, removing the motor, gaskets and knives.
Yes, knives.
There is a pair of small knives bolted to together in the form of a cross. They rotate rapidly and macerate the waste.
Sometimes.
The central problem
Yes, celery. I don’t peel the strings off before I eat them.
The knives were heavily entwined with celery strings.
I unwound them and sharpened the knives.
For those of you with a prurient interest in the internals, knives in red:
So there you have it.
I’m glad that’s over. Celery is currently off the diet.
And now, I really do kid you not. There is another problem. The first mate has just reported that the motor in the heads has stopped. There’s something jamming the works.
What the fuck has she been eating?
Shit.
I’d better hit ‘Publish’ and then get down and dirty…
Latest Update
5 minutes, that’s all it took. Well, after the emptying. A bent dessert spoon handle pushed round the bend freed up the action. It won’t be on the table for dinner this evening. By the way, that’s the bend of the toilet, not the first mate.
About me: I write on a variety of topics including humor, tech and travel, together with daily news events and the minutiae of daily life on a boat. I also write techno-thrillers…and about…
…the fun of dismantling a backed-up marine toilet.
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