Celebrity Men Accused of Sexual Assault: Why Do Women Identify With The Men?

How many male celebrities do you think have been accused of sexual assault, in 2023 alone? Ten, five. It’s twenty six so far to date at the time of writing this, according to She Knows. I first came across the article earlier this year and it was at twenty three. It led me to start thinking about sexual assault from a different angle. I started to question and wonder why I had read or heard so many comments online from women around the world, defending and identifying with celebrity men who have cases of assault brought against them.

It’s important that we think before we lend our support (as women) to the accused men. ‘Innocent before guilty’ might be the stance of some, fair enough and this is true. However, when you take into the account things like probability, likelihood, data and statistics when looking at women’s experiences, and consider when a person has so many accusations against them already — things start to look different. At times a woman’s confession about sexual assault is dismissed, not believed, or she is seen as the aggressor, and the worst of it is this backlash I’ve seen coming from women. It appears women at times can identify with the men over or before the women.

How Do You React To The Accusations?

In no way am I saying that women don’t lie about their experiences or sexual assault cases against men. That said, while we are waiting for the truth to come out, as women should we really be defending the men — especially when they have so many accusations made against them?

When Russell Brand’s allegations were first made earlier this year, when browsing social media, I came across a comment ( in support of Russell Brand) that really turned my stomach. It was from a woman, “speaking on behalf of all women who can still think straight,” her words not mine. This woman was glorifying Russell Brand, his achievements, and totally dismissing the women who have identified themselves as victims of Brand’s sexual harassment and/or assault behaviour the week the news surfaced.

My first response was, ‘look, girl, don’t talk for me,’ I started to write a response to her comment. Instead, I stepped back and took it for what it really was: a woman identifying more with a man, more than a woman, as a woman herself. In this context of sexual abuse, it’s scary to see this. Not everyone is going to agree with me, some women may even be offended, it could be argued that this mind set around something like sexual assault is dangerous and scary — if we consider the detriment to the woman identifying with the man individually, and women collectively.

How and Why Is It Dangerous?

Defending men accused of ( numerous) sexual assaults, before he has even spoken himself is a dangerous when we look at probability, meaning if so many have had the same experience is it likely there could be truth in the claims? It’s dangerous for the woman doing this as her mindset is focused on him ( or his fame, reputation, and riches) being the victim, it removes the focus from the woman who is admitting that she has been harmed. If a woman is in this frame of mind, possibly if she were to experience something like the victim did herself, it could be fair to say there’s a chance she would remove the focus from herself — to him, also. This is why it is dangerous on an individual level.

Collectively, the danger for all women is that it sends the wrong message, on what or who our focus is. Especially those of us who are advocating for women’s right or identify as a feminist or womanist.

Probability

Stepping away from the media and looking at the data when we think of probability. The European statistics on sexual assault show:

• From all the EU countries shown France has the most assault cases against women, compared to the others, as of 2021 according to Statistica.
• In Europe nine out of ten rape victims were women or girls, eight out ten sexual assault victims were women or girls. However 99% of those imprisoned for the crime were male, according to the EU statistics as of 2017.
• In the USA 50% of women and 30% of men experience sexual assault.
• Most sexual assault victims (80%) personally know their attackers.(USA data.)

These are just a few statistics, not a real deep-dive, however on the face of it it is clear to see that the probability of women experiencing sexual assault outside the glitz and glam of Hollywood is high. So why should we expect anything different from celebrity men? And if statistics show us this, why are we lending support to men as soon as we hear news of their cases as women — when they are more concerned about keeping their following as their channels on YouTube are demonetised— like Russell Brand. Or they are willing to settle claims with thirty million dollars within a matter of days, probably to hide what has been done in the dark to harm a woman or women, like Sean ‘Puffy’ Combs as reported in the New York Times.

It is clear to see that the probability of a women experiencing sexual assault outside of the glitz and glam of Hollywood is high.

Wait For The Pieces To Fall: Stand By Women

If a woman spoke up about her experience of assault, it can be problematic for her and any other woman in her position if they are given messages of, ‘are you sure,’ doubt, and disbelief, or over glamourising the men accused especially from other women. Personally, I would not do this to any woman no matter who she was accusing. While I have never been a victim of this kind of abuse, I recognise that it must be extremely hard for a woman to even acknowledge what has happened to her, let alone say it out loud to another person. Do you recognise this? Meaning that if she has been brave enough to come forward, is she likely telling lies? On the other hand if she is, let that be proven before you defend the man.

Picture this: do you want to be that woman who is so out of touch with sensitivity, women’s experiences, victim’s experiences that you come across as more identified with a man and his reputation that ‘is being spoiled by women’ or ‘a woman trying to take a good man down.’

Before we are dismissive of a woman’s complaints about sexual assault, especially as we see it play out in the public eye as we have done in 2023 let’s ask ourselves questions. Before we type or voice support for the man, let's wait for all the evidence to come together before we as women defend him. He may make moves to show you who and what he is just like Sean. P. Combs did — pay her off, keep her quiet.

Don’t Be So Dismissive: Instead Question Yourself

1. If a man is accused of harming a woman, is your viewpoint distorted via what you deem to be ‘truth’ from a man’s point of view. By this I mean when a woman says, ‘Hey this is what happened to me and he did this,’ you don’t believe her. Instead, you feel like she needs to prove what happened (to her in her reality) before you will believe her. You believe the man’s version of events automatically and straight away without questioning anything. This could be because ‘he’s a good man’ whatever that means. Even if statistically, it’s more likely that she could have been harmed than she was not harmed.
2. If a man is accused of harming a woman, is your viewpoint that women are never the victims; they are the problem. By this I mean the woman is the one who is making ‘all this drama’ happen to her, (usually at the hands of a man) for whatever reason. Coming from a place of: she ( the victim) must have done something, said something, worn something, been somewhere, or invited something towards her… it was all her fault, right?
3. If a man is accused of harming a woman, are you at any point happy as a woman to protest men’s issues, and forget the women’s issues, or how women are impacted by the men’s issues you are protesting — think about it.

4. Do you at any point forget that women even have a plight. By this I mean, we have equality, right? So, everything is cool now and women really need to stop complaining. We can work, we can earn money, we can own houses and bank accounts and there’s really nothing to worry about now. Forgetting that we still face other things outside these basic human rights can lead you to side with men, before you, I and the world really know what the situation really is.

5. Do you ever have an attitude or feeling that : women can/should suffer so that men can ‘win’. Or to put it another way, women must dumb themselves down, not be to focused on their goals, not have too high an expectation, women can and should ‘provide’ for men where there is a short fall, and be okay with this just so that a man can ‘shine’ and look like a man in today’s patriarchal society. They (men) are more important than the woman’s experience she is citing.

If as a woman ( or man) you ever catch yourself slipping in any of these five areas, have a word with yourself.

And while I’m on the subject, the victims of Russell Brand, Sean Combs et al ( or any other woman impacted in a similar way) have said what they have said, and this is their truth. Let’s hear them out before we start protesting a man’s innocence when statistically, they ( the woman) could have been more likely to be victims than not, when you look at the data and statistics around abuse against women.

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