Why I Play Dumb at Work

I do, so I admit.

I’m paid to be intelligent.

That is what consultants are compensated for. Rightfully so.

Why would you pay them top dollars otherwise? It made no sense.

I understand the economics of my profession. I’ve been in this trench for 15 long bl00dy years. I’ve met many clients.

Clients think they are leveraging Oppenheimer’s time and commitment to build an atomic bomb… sometimes at half the cost and time.

Gals and Pals. Listen to me.

You are mistaken.

Consultants bring expertise, not shortcuts.

And to cross-pollinate industry experience and intelligence… we play dumb from time to time.

Not all the time.

Sometimes.

You Want This Person to be Genuinely Stupid

It’s not a curse.

“Shit, I cannot believe I am working with someone so d**b!”

Hold your horses for a moment.

Hear me out, okay?

It’s a blessing.

And I want you to see it that way.

Here’s why.

Too many of us pretend. Pretension in the workplace is rampant even when the issue is a close approximation to 3x = 6.

• “Oh, I didn’t know the customer had this problem.”
• “Apologies, I just got out of an important meeting.”
• “I was working on something urgent just now.”

Really?

You (and I) can detect lies as they come.

And you probably know that this person has not contacted his clients for years, never contributed to any meetings, and is prioritizing Fishdom over that new deal paper.

That was the status quo until the big-ass consultant got hired.

The consultant would walk around, make friends, get folks to talk, and open his eyes to the corporate culture.

We don’t always do this.

That said, it is natural for us to do this.

We observe. And we can see the following at work.

• The political stalemate.
• The power struggle (including who is winning and who is losing).
• The genuine contributors, the brilliant foreign minister types, and the opportunists.

We must tone down our own personalities to get behind the physical world and close to the hidden mechanics of our client’s workplace.

And.

Mild personalities make better friends. Playing dumb helps.

So why not?

This is the unspoken technique we use to extract and provide intelligence to our real clients, a.k.a. the senior leadership.

“Oh, I never knew such things were happening under my watch.”

Yup.

That is why you hired me.

Playing Dumb Allows Me to Identify Real Corporate Adversaries

These days, I can smell the tension in the air 15 minutes before entering the boardroom.

I can also read hostility in tonality. Or words.

“May I have your honest opinion, please.”

Can you detect the hostility disguised within? Let me dissect it.

Having please at the end of the sentence is a representation of authority. It has the same effect as eat your vegetables please from mum.

It sounds like a question.

But no, it is a statement.

So, I am 80% certain this letter is adversarial in nature.

Next, requesting our honest opinion never sounds right. I’ve always been honest with you. What are you suggesting?

That pushes the adversarial index to 90%.

Reading such emails (or hearing such questions) reveals why they actively defend their position or work. They might be overworked. They don’t want more.

It demonstrates how difficult corporate survival can be.

And so, I will respond in kind.

“Can you tell me, with honesty, what you seek from my opinions?”

I may know, but I will not assume.

I want them to tell me.

Let’s play in the open, shall we?

I Am the Ultimate Backstop. No One Saves Me When I’m Drowning.

Your clients may be playing pretend amongst themselves.

It serves their interests.

But consultants do not play pretend.

It backfires.

We understand stratospheric client expectations. They paid money for our time. Clients want results. And now.

Sorry, I meant yesterday.

So, we come clean.

“I’m sorry. That will take time. I need 2 more weeks.”

That is a standard reply. And I do not say this because I am a natural nuisance. The opposite is true. It takes time to get sh!t done.

Of course. There are times when I play the dumbass card.

I call that bait for truth.

“How long do you think this activity or task will take to complete, Mr. Client?”

I love this question. The answers can be wild, amusing, and jaw-dropping.

Some clients shoot without thinking. They tell me it takes seconds to complete. I will always return a courteous chuckle. And I know that will never be the case.

Obviously.

And some doubt my existence. Clients actively challenge what I know and what I can do. Again, I understand. Why have a consultant around when this one smarty-pants cannot work faster and smarter than us?

Clients think like clients. That will never change.

They pay. They demand. They get annoyed.

But hey, I deserve a listen, too.

You see, it helps that I’m around. I become an unacknowledged benchmark at and for work.

Let’s see if this sounds logical.

Assume that I say this.

“Yes, I can finish this task in 3 days.”

I argue that is feedback.

This is because,

• I am paid to work on this task full-time. I can finish in 3 working days. If you are as dedicated as I am, you can too.
• Next, you get to ask questions. Challenge me. Ask why I say what I say. It is your job to question, mine to answer.
• Finally, we have no safety net. If we fail, we fail. When we are clueless, we pay with our time. You pay $0.

Let me return to playing dumb.

Why would I play dumb before revealing my cards?

Simple.

Matching expectations.

Some clients take a long time to turn around work. It’s not that they are lazy. No. They are overworked.

The last thing they want is to be annoyed by their bosses.

“The consultant says they can finish in 3 days. You say 30. Can you explain why?”

Oh, oh.

And that would make my counterparts look bad. They might take it out on me, too.

Therefore, for our mutual collaboration and mental wellness… I walk the courteous path. I ask.

“Hey, Sharon. You are the experienced one here. You obviously know the ins and outs of this company. How long would you need to finish this task?”

I listen.

I would then propose a shorter estimation that is not far off.

• If Shirley says 5 days, I say 3.
• If Dean says 10 days, I say 1 week.

I don’t believe in killing my clients in front of their bosses.

And I don’t want to kill myself to deliver one piece of work…

The Close

Are you annoyed with your consultant because he (or she) is playing dumb?

Don’t be.

We have our reasons for doing so.

In fact, we are a bunch of naturally curious folks. We want to understand how you, your colleagues, and your company operate.

When we play dumb — We find out.

And then, we can reveal the hidden mechanics to you.

You win, too.

Agree?

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