Caution…Optimism Ahead

It’s ok. It will only hurt a little bit.

Some people may take my seemingly naive, positive-vibe, always trying to find the sunny side up personality as the kind that just “doesn’t get it”.

Sometimes when you see a happy person, one might think they have no troubles and have been through no hardships. Yes, that must be why they have a smile on their face and don’t have many negative things to say (can you hear the sarcasm from where you are?). I do, however, “get it”.

It’s just that I decided a long time ago that it was way too heavy to haul around the negatives of this world on my back. They will always exist. It’s my choice to zoom in on them, or not. I’ve worked hard to retrain my brain and I’m still a work in progress. Aren’t we all? I have days where I feel excited about this thing called life and other days where I want to crawl back under the covers and stay all day.

I have days that I feel like for every “fire” I put out, two more crop up. I have days that I feel I’m firing on all cylinders and others that I can’t remember what I had for breakfast the day before.

I’m very aware of all the bad and ugly “out there”. I’m not ignoring it. I’m very cautious; I lock my house and the car up like nobody’s business, we have weapons to use if need be and I don’t trust and give people the benefit of the doubt near as much as I used to.

I just like to choose not to be consumed by it all. I choose to think more about the people making a difference and adding goodness to the world and the people in it, than the ones trying to accomplish the opposite.

I choose to try and contribute light from my overflow than let the darkness seep in and affect my outlook.

I choose not to click on every dark sounding news headline. It’s taken some time, but now I can more easily look inside my own life and around me for blessings instead of murmuring as much about the things that may be lacking.

I appreciate some people naming it strength, but maybe it’s my basic mental survival instinct. Every day, my goal is to handle anything that comes my way with grace, the best I can. To realize that I can only do so much about some things and then to try and channel my energy (precious resource; definitely not an eternal supply!) towards things that I can have the most impact on.

For me, a lot of that looks like just taking care of bills, managing our home, homeschooling, helping fellow humans when I can and so on. You know…the super exciting stuff! I can do those things and I do them fairly well.

I also push plenty to the next day sometimes and am a lot kinder to myself when that needs to happen than I used to be. I expect a lot from myself, but I stopped expecting perfection along time ago. Thank goodness…that was exhausting!

I’ve been in your shoes plenty, where I felt like things would be the same way forever or there was no end in sight. I didn’t think seriously of ending things (although at the toughest times, there were brief thoughts of what a nice relief that might bring), but it made living heavier for sure.

I’m glad to say that as time goes on, the experiences teach lessons and temper personalities and judgments. That helps the lows seem not so low. Now, for me personally, the highs also aren’t as high, but I consider that a fair trade.

With age, I feel it’s easier to let people’s rough choices be their problem and their junk to work out. Try not to take things so personally or to invest too much emotional energy into it, even if you end up caught in the crossfire. Just simply try to remove yourself from said crossfire and right your world the best you can.

Over and over again, as often is necessary.

Instead of everything swirling unmercifully around in my head, I try to realistically break it down into what my options regarding a particular situation are. Then sometimes you just have to pick the “best of the evils” and go forth. The right way is, at best, clear as mud on occasion.

Just do the best you can with what you’ve been given. I’ve always respected those that do much with what little they’ve been given as opposed to the ones that have so much, giving of their abundance; giving what they’ll barely miss.

“Feeling” is a good thing. For better or for worse, it’s what makes us human and separates us from the animals. When it’s bad, it’s tough, but when it’s good…it’s really good! It’s risky to “feel”, but in my opinion, you’ve got to take the good with the bad on that one.

To live otherwise isn’t really living.

Try and set yourself up for success in that department. Good choices about who to hang around, what job to get and things along those lines can bring about a higher chance of positive outcomes when intentionally and thoughtfully considered.

Also, try to “sleep on” things such as sending that email or message that may or may not elicit the desired outcome. Sometimes it just makes you feel better to let someone know how you feel. So if you need to, go ahead. Just try to word it the way you’d want someone to verbalize an issue they have with you. No need to make a rough situation worse.

Every action and reaction from you is another mark left in this world when you’re gone. Do we leave scars or do we leave a good impression; a trail of good and noble character or a trail of smelly droppings?

What do you want people’s memory of you to be a month from now…a year or twenty years from now?

Then do that and be that.

These are the “deep” older lady thoughts that guide me each day. Kind of what I’d tell my younger self if I could talk to her face to face. I don’t always get it right, but the more I do, the better I feel. The better I feel, the more I get things right. It’s a good cycle.

Don’t worry so much about how you appear or compare to other people. They’ve got their own experiences, personality and “filters” going on. Strive to be better than you were the day before; compare you to your own self-growth.

I think you will find that the “noise” of the world will quiet down a bit and you will begin to like you more. You’ll find that you can enjoy the good parts of being you while the process of fine-tuning the not so good is taking place.

Try not to look at your past or present thoughts and stuff as being selfish or dumb. You are learning, and being in pain on the inside makes us do and think interesting things at times.

I compare being younger (you couldn’t pay me enough to go back to my twenties!) to a lil birdie trying to bust out of its shell. Slowly, but surely…piece by ever-loving complicated piece of the hard shell. Then when the time is right, BAM! Freeeeeeedommmm!

Never complete and utter freedom, because there’s always food to catch and a nest to keep up with, but the bird is stronger for having to struggle a bit with that darned shell. That makes him or her stronger; better able to handle what comes next.

Be impressed with what you’ve survived thus far! You have a mark to get busy leaving in this world. You are valuable! Your outlook and increasing wisdom will come in handy. It wasn’t installed as part of your software just to be a burden to you. You will find a way to coexist with it and to control it instead of it controlling you as much.

I promise it gets easier. Not life itself necessarily, but the living and managing of life.

You’ve got this.

Hugs! Renee