Casual Dating vs Serious Dating: 6 Ways to Know Your Status

Is there really a difference?

At some point in our dating lives, almost all of us have been seeing someone for a while, and then, out of seemingly nowhere, we wonder, “Are we casual or serious?”

We fret. We pace. We call all of our friends.

We even reach out to the single ones whose dating track record is a dumpster fire of nightmare tales. Because, yeah, we believe they might magically give us some much-needed insight into our relationship conundrum.

We weigh our choices. We might try our hand at adulting by scribbling down the pros and cons on a page labeled, “Casual dating vs Serious dating.”

Going purely from personal experience, this usually goes on and on until you either end up married or ghosted.

But it doesn’t have to be this way.

Casual Dating vs Serious Dating: What’s the Difference?

Probably the biggest difference between casual dating and serious dating is the level of commitment and exclusivity.

In casual dating, there is little to no commitment. No expectation of consistent texting, no expectation of anything at all. Especially monogamy. You can casually date more than one person.

It’s all pretty, well, casual.

Compare that to serious dating where exclusive commitment to one person is common. There are, of course, many variations and levels of commitment in different types of relationships.

When you enter a serious dating relationship, there are often many expectations about when you communicate, what you do or don’t do, and with whom you spend your time.

One type of dating is no better than the other. Each type serves a specific purpose.

Casual dating can be serious fun. Sometimes a serious relationship just doesn’t make sense. Dating can be hard for men, women, everyone.

We might be too busy, too young, too old, too independent, or too ready to move to Paris for the summer.

On the other hand, a serious relationship can be deeply fulfilling.

The question is: what do you want? And, how the heck can you tell if your relationship is casual or serious?

6 Ways to Know Your Relationship Status

Not knowing your relationship status can drive you crazy. You don’t want to invest too much, or not enough. You don’t want to get hurt but, at the same time, you don’t want to miss out on a good thing.

If you are like me, you go around and around in your head with these questions:

• Are they seeing other people?
• Should I get my hopes up?
• What do they call me to their friends?
• Do their friends even know about me?

Man oh man, have I been there.

If you want to know your relationship status, there are six ways to tell if you are in a casual dating relationship or in a serious dating relationship.

1. You have standing plans

People in serious relationships know that they are going to spend time together. They don’t necessarily even need to ask.

When someone asks you what you are doing this weekend, you will say something like, “Spending time with my honey bear.”

In more casual relationships, you probably have no clue when you will see the other person again. The answer to that riddle may very well be never.

Unless you have a definite date set up already, your days and weekends remain free. You have no standing or set plans.

Takeaway: If you have standing plans, you might be in a serious relationship (or on your way to one).

2. Everyone else thinks you are a couple

If all of your friends, co-workers, and family mistake you for a serious couple, they could be right.

Other people tend to see things about us that we can’t see.

While other people can be just as wrong or as confused as we are, their perspective is more objective since they are not emotionally invested.

On the flip side, if no one asks about your relationship status, that is a sign that you and your partner might be casual.

Takeaway: If everyone thinks you are serious dating, then they could be right!

3. You invite each other to everything

One of the reasons your close friends and family might confuse your fling for a “boo thang” is because the two of you invite each other to everything.

Do you always invite the person to everything?

Even more importantly, does the other person invite you to everything? If they regularly ask you to go to the movies, work events, friend gatherings, and family holidays, all the evidence points to a serious relationship.

When you are in a casual relationship, you might see the other person one week and not see them the next week. You don’t automatically think to invite them to hang out with your friends or attend a work function with you.

And they don’t automatically invite you to their events and outings either.

Takeaway: If you invite each other to everything, you might have a “boo thang”.

4. You get “good morning” texts

If you get a “good morning” text every day, that’s a sign that you may be entering (or may have already entered) serious relationship territory.

Couples in serious relationships emphasize communication. Communication is important because it results in higher satisfaction. Sometimes couples in serious relationships talk several times per day.

Each couple is different, but there is typically more communication in more serious relationships.

Again, the opposite tends to be true in casual dating relationships. You might speak to the other person or you might not. You can go for days or weeks without any communication.

Takeaway: The more you communicate, the more likely your relationship is serious.

5. You only date each other

We’ve hinted at this idea already. If you date other people, and you are not in a polyamorous or open relationship, then you are probably casually dating.

If you only date each other, you move closer to the serious dating definition.

Sometimes, we stop dating other people without realizing it. Other people just don’t hold our attention anymore.

That, in and of itself, is a sign.

Ask yourself:

• Are you dating other people?
• Are you still on dating apps? (and, are you checking them regularly?)
• Do other people interest you? (There is no right or wrong answer)

Takeaway: If you are only dating each other, you may be in a serious dating relationship.

6. You use serious labels

You might want to throw your phone or computer at me right now. I can imagine you thinking to yourself, If we used labels, I wouldn’t be reading this damn article.

Hear me out for a moment.

Yes, if you call each other “boyfriend and girlfriend,” I’d say you were in a serious dating relationship.

But labels come in many shapes and colors. Even if you don't use the label “boyfriend” or “partner”, that doesn’t prove a casual dating dynamic. Labels matter. But there are more labels than just the traditional ones.

How do you introduce the other person to friends and family? How do they introduce you? Do they call you “friend” or introduce you by name?

To be sure, not everyone likes labels. And that’s okay.

But labels give us information and insight into where we stand. Labels serve as shorthand for deeper meaning.

Takeaway: If you use serious dating labels, you might be in a serious relationship.

Final Thoughts

If you really want to know the status of your relationship, the best course of action is to simply ask the other person. Hopefully, the six signs in this article will prompt an honest, kind, and open conversation.

The truth is that both casual dating and serious dating can be fun, meaningful, and life-changing.

Take, for instance, this honest statement about casual dating from Maria Del Russo in an article she wrote for Refinery29.com:

These are the relationships that have forced me to confront truths about myself more than the ones with guys I’d considered boyfriends. They were like crash-course couplings, and given the sheer number of them, I think it’s safe to say that I’ve learned quite a few lessons.

One of the best outcomes of any type of coupling is what we learn about ourselves.