Caregiving
Caregivers, Don’t Push Your Family and Friends Away. You’ll Need Them.
You never know when you will need help.
There is nothing more difficult than being the sole caregiver to your parent. I was my mom’s caregiver for 12 years. I usually describe it as the hardest job I ever had.
I never had children so I can only imagine that being my mom’s sole caregiver had similarities to being a parent of young children.
- 24 hours a day.
- Seven days a week.
- 365 days a year.
- No days off.
- No vacation.
- No sick days.
- And the pay sucks.
So why do we do it? We do it out of love, respect, and honor. Some do it because there isn’t enough money to put their parent in a nursing home.
These wonderful people took care of us before we were able to wipe our own noses (and other things) or tie our own shoestrings. It only seems right to do the same for them when they need us.
But after a while, it wears you down. You need time away for some quick shopping. Sometimes you just need a break. An hour or two of precious time to relax and charge your batteries.
These are the times when keeping your friends and family close comes in handy. You need them for both your own sanity as well as what’s left of your parents. I’m sure they are sick of being with only you 24 hours a day also.
Family
Your family will be your biggest ally. Keep them close. Be welcoming to them coming to visit.
Your family will be your first line of defense in getting things accomplished and getting much-needed breaks. They can give you the time to do some shopping, get a haircut, or a couple of hours with your friends to unwind.
And if you’re lucky, they will also help with a little house cleaning.
But it isn’t all about you. It’s also about your parent. They are at a point where they want to see their family as much as they can. They realize their time is limited. They want to see all of their family while they can.
They want to know what everyone is doing in their day-to-day lives and what struggles they are going through. Their dreams and goals for the future. They want to give their time-honored wisdom and experiences to help others while they can.
It makes them feel good. It makes them feel needed. It also makes them feel they are not forgotten.
Your parent's friends
If you have a parent who was socially active, they have friends they want to see. Their friends also want to see them. Be open to their visits.
Sometimes they want to meet for lunch as a group. This can be fun because you both get out of the house for a while. You both get to socialize a little.
This is a time when your parent can have more adult conversations with people in their peer group. Their friends will talk with them as equals, not talk down to them. It’s a time for them to share common interests, get up to date with others, and talk about each other's aches and pains. All done with a healthy dose of laughter.
You’ll be surprised how happy this will make them and how long the good mood will last.
If you’re lucky, their friends will bring freshly baked goodies with them.
Your friends
Time with your friends is your time to unwind. You get to spend a few minutes getting everything off of your chest. Once that’s over, you’ll be able to relax and have a few laughs.
It’s your time to catch up on things happening within your peer group. Laugh about who made the most hilarious mistakes since you last saw each other and talked.
It’s a time to relax, clear your head, and recharge so you can get through another week or so.
Final thoughts
Keeping family and friends close is good for both your mental health and your parents. Having more than one person to talk to and see face-to-face helps break up the monotony of daily life and only talking to one person 24 hours a day.
Family will help you get things accomplished and also give you much-needed breaks. Having family around will also lift your parent's spirits and let them know they aren’t forgotten or thought of as a burden.
The ability to socialize with both your friends and your parent's friends will lift both of your moods by giving you social contact outside of the family circle.
So keep both friends and family close.
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