FICTION | MASHUP

Captain Scoop Magilla and the Curse of Captain Bonesaw

A ‘Monday Mashup’ Response

This is a response to the Monday Mash-up #33 by Jonathon Sawyer

Captain Scoop Magilla was a baby pirate who sailed the seven seas in his mighty ship, the Bottlecap.

It was a tiny vessel he fashioned out of a bottle cap found in the trash along with a used toothpick that served as the mast. The sail was made from the fabric of a pair of underwear that he had stolen from a charwoman’s laundry basket. It was stained and smelly, but Scoop didn’t mind; he thought it added character to his proud little ship.

His hat was made from an old newspaper that he had folded and twisted into a pointy pirate hat shape. It wasn’t perfect; it wobbled on his head like a drunken sailor and sometimes flew off in a stiff breeze if he didn’t secure it.

In his right hand, he wielded a wooden spork. He liked to wave it around and make swishing noises as he stabbed his enemies through their gullets. It wasn’t fearsome, but he thought it was better than any blade in all the world.

Captain Magilla had a round, rosy face with a head full of golden curly hair that flew over a clear, albeit incredibly young brow. He had two bright blue eyes that were full of mischief. But he liked to pretend that he had only one eye because everyone knows a real pirate only has one eye. So, he covered his left eye with a patch tied around his head from the leftover cloth from his sail. The patch was too big for him and kept sliding down his face, but he didn’t mind.

Captain Magilla was a funny little fellow, matched only by his bravery.

On this day, as he sailed his mighty ship looking for adventure, he saw an island in the distance — a dark and mysterious place known to legend. His smile brightened as he turned the Bottlecap towards it. That island was his destination; that was where he would find his glory and his revenge.

As the Bottlecap sailed closer to the island, the sea swelled in Scoop’s heart. He was not afraid of anything — he was a baby pirate, after all. He decided to sing a sea shanty. He sang it to the wind and the waves, to the birds and the fish, to the sun and the sky. He sang it to himself and to the Bottlecap. He sang it to the island and anyone who could hear it, so they knew the dread Captain Scoop Magilla was headed their way.

O’, the wind’s in our sails, and the sea’s at our feet,

With us pirates around, life is never replete.

We plunder and pillage, we’re rough and we’re bold,

With a chest full of treasures and our hearts full of gold.

Yo ho, yo hoy, with pirates around, you see,

Everything’s better on the wide-open sea.

With good ol’ Jolly Roger flying high,

Underneath the clear blue sky.

We navigate by the North Star’s light,

Through the raging storms and the stormy nights.

With pirates around and a shanty song,

Life is better, you’ll never go wrong.

Yo ho, yo hoy, with pirates around, it’s clear,

Everything’s better with good company here.

With a crew of rogues by your side,

There’s no need to fear or to hide.

Here’s to all the pirates, the brave and the free,

Everything’s better with our company.

Yo ho, yo hoy, with pirates around, it’s true,

Life is better for me and you!

As his last note rang in the air, the Bottlecap glided into a small cove on the south side of the island. Captain Magilla deftly dropped anchor and leaped onto shore, spork at the ready.

He spotted two sets of footprints: one set small and booted, the other set clawed and massive, both leading into the dense, foreboding jungle.

Could this be the path of his nemesis? But what were these other ones that looked like talons? He adjusted his patch, and his hat, and began to follow the prints, each of his steps a resolute stride deeper into the heart of the island.

The jungle was alive with the eerie sounds of chirping insects, crunching leaves, and mysterious calls echoing amongst the trees. This was a place where even the shadows watched you. But Captain Magilla pressed on, his mission clear. The footprints led him through twisted vines and over gnarled roots.

Finally, he emerged into a small clearing. There, in the center, stood three grotesque figures, hunched, and cloaked in tattered rags, and muttering incantations around a bubbling cauldron.

Witches.

Captain Magilla strode into the clearing with brave determination — he was a baby pirate, after all — but he couldn’t entirely hide his unease with the scene before him.

“Well, look at you, walking in here bold as brass,” cackled the first witch, picking at the wart on her nose. “What brings you here, wee one?”

“I’m looking for someone,” Captain Magilla replied, trying to stand taller. “I’m the captain of the pirate ship Bottlecap.”

“Oh! A pirate! You don’t say?” said the second witch, her smile revealing black, jagged teeth. “How precious! Looky here, gals! A pirate! And who, pray tell, are you looking for?”

“An evil pirate. He stole my treasure, killed my dog, and tried to kill me. He goes by the name of Captain Bonesaw. Have you seen him?”

The third witch, her face covered in greasy blue hair and her mouth full of a juicy red apple she just bit into replied, “Mmmph…mrrph…mfff?”

“What?” Captain Magilla’s right eye widened in question as he pushed back up his eye patch over his left eye.

“She said, little one, we’ve seen a fella fittin’ that description,” the first witch translated. “He was walking around all on his lonesome. He looked very frightened, as tho something was followin’ him. He had a limp and a big gold ring on his han — “

“Bonesaw!” Scoop Magilla jumped at the description and hastily adjusted his hat. “That must be him! Which way did he go?”

“He went into that cave yonder,” said the second witch, pointing to a dark hole in the mountain. “But we wouldn’t go there if we were you — it’s very dangerous, especially with someone as…well, as wee as you, love.”

“How so? What’s in there?” Captain Magilla asked, gripping his spork tighter.

“Well…” said the third witch, swallowing her apple and picking her teeth with a long dirt-filled nail. “…because of the…m-monster.”

“A monster?” said Captain Magilla. “I’m afraid of no monster! I’m a baby pirate, after all.”

With a terse thank you and a wave, Captain Magilla turned on his pirate-boot heels and sprinted towards the mouth of the cave holding down his hat and adjusting his patch as the witches’ guffaws echoed after him.

The cave’s entrance yawned wide, swallowing Magilla into its dark, dank belly. Soon, the air grew colder with the scent of damp earth and decay filling his nostrils.

As he ventured deeper, Magilla heard a far-off wailing. Soon, it grew louder, echoing off the walls. The cries grew into mournful, pleading wails that seemed to seep from the very stones themselves. Suddenly, they were cut off, replaced by the guttural sounds of something feeding. “Om-nom-nom!”

But brave Captain Magilla pressed forward. It wasn’t long before he tripped over something soft and squishy. He knelt and picked up a severed human arm, adorned with a large, glistening gold ring.

“Oh, that would be you, Bonesaw,” Magilla whispered, a surge of grim satisfaction coursing through him. “At least I have this anyway,” he said as he licked Bonesaw’s ring finger and, with a squelch, pulled off the ring. He pocketed it and pressed on, still holding the severed arm. “I’ll use the blood like breadcrumbs so I can find my way out of here later,” he wisely thought (he was a baby pirate, after all).

As he rounded a bend, he came upon a sight that froze his guts. Before him stood a monstrous creature, its back turned, hunched over a grotesque feast that looked vaguely human.

Summoning all his courage, Captain Scoop Magilla of the Pirate Ship Bottlecap raised the severed arm high above his head, brandishing it like a macabre flag.

“Missing this, piggy?!” he hollered.

The monster’s head snapped up and stared directly at him, tendrils of bloody flesh dangling from its jaws.

With a roar, the creature charged, its thunderous clawed feet shaking the cave walls. Magilla darted to the side, finding refuge behind a jagged outcrop of rock.

Moments stretched into eternities. Finally, the huffing and puffing and snuffling of the monstrous pursuit grew distant.

Eventually, Captain Magilla emerged from his hiding place, heart still pounding.

“Stupid monster,” he breathed, using the shirt from the severed arm to mop his brow.

He cautiously approached the scene of the grisly feast. There, amidst the gnawed bones and tattered remains of clothing, lay what was left of Captain Bonesaw: a bare skeleton, picked clean save for the hard gristle trapped in the joints. The smell would offend any sensibility, but not Captain Magilla’s; he was a baby pirate, after all.

A soul-ripping sound pierced the stillness. A voice, deep and ghostly, emanated from the skeleton.

“You haven’t won yet, Magilla!” it hissed, before springing to life and scuttling away with surprising agility.

Without a moment’s thought, brave Captain Magilla lunged after the fleeing skeleton. With a swift tackle, he brought the bony figure crashing down onto bare rock where it shattered into fragmented half-chewed bones.

Breathing heavily, Magilla stared at the scattered bones. It was done. Captain Bonesaw was no more. After all, everyone knows that once a skeleton falls apart, it’s nothing more than a pile of doggie chew toys, never to arise again.

Swiftly, he gathered the bones and made his way back through the cave, retracing his steps using the trail of Bonesaw’s blood.

Emerging into the cool air of the island, he squinted against the sudden brightness as he made his way to a nearby overlook, a place where the horizon stretched infinitely over the tumultuous sea.

Magilla believed that no matter how nefarious a pirate might have been in life, every pirate deserved such a dignified burial. It was a picturesque locale, a final resting place that any pirate would deem fitting.

With steady hands, Captain Magilla dug with his spork. He laid Captain Bonesaw’s remains to rest, whispering a prayer to the restless spirit. It was a moment of closure, the closing chapter in their bitter feud. Revenge satisfied.

As the last handful of sand settled over the makeshift grave, Magilla stood, wiping sweat and grit from his face with his eye patch. The jungle felt relieved as if even the island itself acknowledged the weight that had been lifted from Magilla’s shoulders.

From deep within the mouth of the cave, a terrible roar reverberated through the air, a guttural cry of fury and loss: The monster discovered the absence of its prize.

Captain Magilla knew he had little time. Hawking a giant loogie onto the grave of his arch-rival for a final measure, he turned and sprinted back towards the beach, his heart pounding with exhilaration like the thundering sea before him.

As he sailed away at the stern of his mighty pirate ship Bottlecap, he reminded himself of the most important lesson in this adventure: In the heart of even the smallest of souls — brave enough to call themselves pirates — lies the boundless courage to conquer the biggest challenges.

Captain Magilla was a baby pirate, after all, but there were many more adventures to be had on the seven seas.

He adjusted his hat, pushed up his patch, and set off to points unknown, leaving behind the haunting depths of the cave, the dark shadows of the jungle, and the echoes of his final confrontation with Captain Bonesaw.

Points: 27?/24

Main Theme: Someone is being buried! [ 2 pts.]

Constraints: 1. A scary creature says “Om-nom-nom!” (which isn’t scary at all!) [ 1 pt.] 2. A red apple [1 pt.] 3. Three witches [1 pt.] 4. The sound of crunching leaves [1 pt.] 5. Wailing [1 pt.] 6. An animated skeleton [1 pt.]

Hardcore Constraint: 1. Take revenge on someone! [2 pts.]

Literary Device: 1. Illustrate a fable within your story [5 pts.] (did I do this adequately?)

Kraken Lore Mega Bonus: 1. “Everything’s better with PIRATES!” Explain why with a short sea shanty in your story! [10 pts.]