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Abstract

rade book and was listed as a parent observer on Canvas and that I really didn’t understand why she could not know. I received no reply (and when I checked the student’s grades, I saw that she had failed all her finals except one).Young teachers in particular are really discouraged by the constant barrage of hostile emails. Parents used to at least try to get the teacher’s point of view, but now they come at us with guns blazing.It seems that anyone in the public eye is fair game for verbal abuse and threats. Almost everyone I talk to in almost every profession complains about the lack of civility in daily life.<h2 id="5c60">Lack of emotional control and focus</h2>Some people blame social media and the relative anonymity of the internet. I do not agree completely. Yes, most of my students cannot exist for five minutes without checking their phones, but hardly any of them have the mental stamina to focus on their essays for more than a few minutes.I tell students that focus is like a muscle that needs to be trained, but they don’t seem very interested. When I recently asked a student to fix the header on his essay, he yelled at me that I was too demanding and stormed out of the classroom, feeling perfectly justified in his anger.I was puzzled since I posted the MLA header for students. All they had to do was add their own names at the top, replacing “Your name here.” If that was too demanding, how will these students handle the demands of adulthood later, of succeeding in life, in a job or career? — And how will they will be able to control themselves if they get angry over something so trivial?And what role models do our young people have if the adults in their lives cannot be civil, our politicians cannot be civil toward each other, and kids see anger and violence everywhere? It is frightening how little self-control some adults are able to muster.A woman yelled and cursed at me in a parking lot recently because I had taken “her” spot. This was a public parking lot with plenty of parking available, so I wasn’t sure what the issue was. Still, I apologized and said I hadn

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’t seen her car. She continued cursing at me.The two-year-old that was with her started crying. She pointed to a man and said, “Go to daddy.” The little boy kept crying and tried to grab her hand. She slapped his hand away and said this: “Do I fucking look like daddy to you?” — At least the boy’s dad had the compassion to pick up his son, who was sobbing at this point.I felt so sad for this little boy. It was one thing to be rude and unhinged toward me, but to treat her own son this way and to have so little self-control? It was sickening.Thankfully, not every child has a parent like this, but our society is so saturated with violence and the threat of violence that every child and adult is aware of it.<h2 id="7969">Effect on society</h2>I fear that this anger, the ensuing violence, and the constant threats will lead to an even greater stratification in society. Everyone with the means to do so will isolate themselves from this threat, continuing a trend that began decades ago. The wealthy will move into safe neighborhoods, send their kids to exclusive private schools, and encourage them to pursue prestigious careers that will allow them to do the same.In addition, people will continue the trend of moving closer to like-minded people. Conservatives observe with glee that many people are moving themselves and their businesses out of California to states such as Tennessee or Texas. (In my opinion, Elon Musk should have considered the weak power grid in Texas before moving his Tesla plant there.)Most of the people leaving California seemed to be conservative, but apparently, the population stream from California to Texas is now threatening the Texan identity. A friend sent me a picture of a shirt that is selling like hotcakes in Austin, saying “Don’t California My Texas.”Democracy cannot survive if citizens are not willing to listen to each other. We need to tone down the rhetoric and apply our intellect rather than exclusively our emotions. We need to learn again to talk to each other and to tolerate and respect opinions and viewpoints we may not share.</article></body>

Can’t We All Not Just Get Along?

The steep decline of civility and the social cost

Judges get threats every day by people who don’t like a certain verdict. Esther Salas’ son was murdered, and her husband barely survived. — The shooter was “angry.”

Megyn Kelly received death threats from Trump supporters. Jordan Peterson was “canceled” by angry progressive students in Toronto. Little League coaches get attacked by angry parents.

Now elderly Asian Americans are clubbed over the head. Why? They certainly did not cause COVID-19. Is it envy? — Asians out-earn every other ethnic group in the U.S. Do people have no empathy for this helpless elderly person they are attacking?

It seems that there is a real breakdown of civility in the United States (and many other countries as well.) Where does all this anger come from, and whatever happened to self-control? Why do people go from zero to a hundred and eighty in their emotions without any prior reflection?

If people disagree with someone, there should be a less intense and hateful first response than threatening to harm that person or family. What happened to debate, to trying to understand other people’s points of view?

I see this lack of civility in my profession as well. I recently got this email from a parent, “U failed ma kid. I'm pissed.” — A bit puzzled, I sent her the rubric for the assessment and the comments I had made on her daughter’s first draft detailing that the student had only met half of the criteria. I included that her daughter had four chances to revise (and didn’t) and never asked a single question.

The parent replied, “Still, no other teacher failed ma kid how come I didn't know about this.” I replied that she had access to the grade book and was listed as a parent observer on Canvas and that I really didn’t understand why she could not know. I received no reply (and when I checked the student’s grades, I saw that she had failed all her finals except one).

Young teachers in particular are really discouraged by the constant barrage of hostile emails. Parents used to at least try to get the teacher’s point of view, but now they come at us with guns blazing.

It seems that anyone in the public eye is fair game for verbal abuse and threats. Almost everyone I talk to in almost every profession complains about the lack of civility in daily life.

Lack of emotional control and focus

Some people blame social media and the relative anonymity of the internet. I do not agree completely. Yes, most of my students cannot exist for five minutes without checking their phones, but hardly any of them have the mental stamina to focus on their essays for more than a few minutes.

I tell students that focus is like a muscle that needs to be trained, but they don’t seem very interested. When I recently asked a student to fix the header on his essay, he yelled at me that I was too demanding and stormed out of the classroom, feeling perfectly justified in his anger.

I was puzzled since I posted the MLA header for students. All they had to do was add their own names at the top, replacing “Your name here.” If that was too demanding, how will these students handle the demands of adulthood later, of succeeding in life, in a job or career? — And how will they will be able to control themselves if they get angry over something so trivial?

And what role models do our young people have if the adults in their lives cannot be civil, our politicians cannot be civil toward each other, and kids see anger and violence everywhere? It is frightening how little self-control some adults are able to muster.

A woman yelled and cursed at me in a parking lot recently because I had taken “her” spot. This was a public parking lot with plenty of parking available, so I wasn’t sure what the issue was. Still, I apologized and said I hadn’t seen her car. She continued cursing at me.

The two-year-old that was with her started crying. She pointed to a man and said, “Go to daddy.” The little boy kept crying and tried to grab her hand. She slapped his hand away and said this: “Do I fucking look like daddy to you?” — At least the boy’s dad had the compassion to pick up his son, who was sobbing at this point.

I felt so sad for this little boy. It was one thing to be rude and unhinged toward me, but to treat her own son this way and to have so little self-control? It was sickening.

Thankfully, not every child has a parent like this, but our society is so saturated with violence and the threat of violence that every child and adult is aware of it.

Effect on society

I fear that this anger, the ensuing violence, and the constant threats will lead to an even greater stratification in society. Everyone with the means to do so will isolate themselves from this threat, continuing a trend that began decades ago. The wealthy will move into safe neighborhoods, send their kids to exclusive private schools, and encourage them to pursue prestigious careers that will allow them to do the same.

In addition, people will continue the trend of moving closer to like-minded people. Conservatives observe with glee that many people are moving themselves and their businesses out of California to states such as Tennessee or Texas. (In my opinion, Elon Musk should have considered the weak power grid in Texas before moving his Tesla plant there.)

Most of the people leaving California seemed to be conservative, but apparently, the population stream from California to Texas is now threatening the Texan identity. A friend sent me a picture of a shirt that is selling like hotcakes in Austin, saying “Don’t California My Texas.”

Democracy cannot survive if citizens are not willing to listen to each other. We need to tone down the rhetoric and apply our intellect rather than exclusively our emotions. We need to learn again to talk to each other and to tolerate and respect opinions and viewpoints we may not share.