Can You See How I Cope, When Sudden Life Changes Throw Me A Curveball, Without Losing My Head

I look for something to settle me.

My thoughts have led me to search out trend-worthy topics today. Not one item resonates with me. Emptiness, as well as disconnect, engulf me. Fixated on that frivolous idea. It sends me here and there. I wasted an hour to no avail.

I’m on the hunt. I sit here with little to say.

Why I search

My thoughts race back to my world. Is there any interest in my life? It’s been a challenge. I’ve endured radical changes in the past few weeks.

As a result, I find no solace in my scattered thoughts.

Being ill, the loss of a beloved pet with my retirement all piled atop one another. Add a government ”stay-at-home” order and no contact at Christmas. A case of fleas and a dead animal under the house. Ugh!

Hit by a tidal wave of change, I learn to go with the flow. Yet, I’m unprepared for it all at once.

Patterns

At the end of November, I told my coworkers that I’d be leaving. I had no plans, this was due to certain actions I began to take. Once I see the pattern, I know I’ll be gone in 6 weeks. I first noticed the pattern 20 years ago. I was gone.

When I was ill, I’d move from my bed to the couch. For 3 weeks, I’d spend 10–15 hours a day asleep. As I healed, I noticed my cat was ill. Suffice to say, the poor darling passed away. More sleep was how I healed.

A deceased animal, under the house and fleas, was next on the plate. What’s with all this turmoil? One thing after the other. Pure frustration!

Make space and clear it out.

I’ve done tasks that needed doing for a while. I’ve cleared out excess items that no longer serve a purpose. This opened up my home in more ways than I can say.

I didn’t want to open up to anyone. Still not over my illness. It’s been a trial of my stamina.

Part of my lack of communication sees me worried about these changes. Would they lead me closer to old age? No, I choose to view it from a new perspective.

The big R — retirement

When big changes happen, I worry about getting older. It’s not the case, now. When I became a grandparent, I thought I understood the act of ageing. I presumed I would feel old, but I didn’t. Ageing is different from retirement.

When I became a grandma it was incredible. Pure enchantment with a beautiful, healthy baby. One that you can admire with none of the responsibilities. When you’re a parent you worry about feeding, diapers and all manner of things. As a grandparent, you coddle the darling. Then you let mommy & daddy take care of the needs. I wish others could’ve articulated the differences.

I’ve found retirement to be the same way. When you leave work. Things change. As retirement draws near, new freedoms come to you. No schedules. Live life how it suits you. The days are all yours. It’s different, people do more these days.

I’ve made many adjustments since my childhood. I left forgotten pursuits behind. New activities return with a different slant. Priorities and passions have changed.

Hikes have gone from walks in the neighbourhood to climbs up a mountainside. Artistic abilities come to the forefront. I’ve added activities to enhance my exercise regimen.

Something old returns

I turned away from my childhood habitat long ago. I found it offered me little career wise. When my mom moved us south, I wanted her to head to California. We stopped close to the border.

I find my northern roots calling me home. I ache for it like never before. The solitude beckons me. The thought of the raw beauty of the forests and lakes, pull me forward. Lazy summer days of my youth, draw me like never before. I love cold winter nights spent in front of a fire.

Dreams of being able to canoe when we want, now within our grasp. To watch a sunset over a northern lake with home close by. Perfect. So often, we’ve dreamt of the joy to live in the North. The dream’s only a few months away.

I like most of the new changes life has brought me. My thoughts of retirement had me fear being closer to the end of my life. It’s not the case. After 34 years, a new freedom is alive in me. I now move towards the way life can be. Fun, relaxed and enjoyable.

Heartbroken over the loss of our departed cat, left me with unexpected sorrow. Her silent touch on my heart has scarred me. I’m forever grateful she came into my life. I don’t wish to say more, the tears aren’t far off.

The search for my topic has become a story worth writing, as I come back home to me. I hope I help others see ageing is not what it used to be. It is a newfound joy to do all you love in new ways.

The takeaways of my coping skills.

I find life changes can happen to any of us in a heartbeat. Sometimes they overwhelm us and send us into a tailspin, where we crash and burn. Do you see how I cope with my changes? It works for me. If you can use them, you’re welcomed to try.

• I will fixate on minor issues, as a way to relieve the pressure of bigger issues. I find this breaks processes down into manageable pieces. I dissect my issues in smaller segments. I handle them bit by bit.
• I develop patterns. Sometimes I notice my preparation. My subconscious takes over to end a process. It completes tasks, so others can continue on with competence, after my departure.
• Sleep helps to relieve the pain of loss and heals me faster.
• I clean up clutter in my home. This helps to open up myself to changes and for communication. It also will clear the air, so to speak.
• I change my perspective. My choice is to look at how my life can be wonderful through each phase.
• Favourite pastimes can return to bring a more peaceful existence.

In conclusion, this story has helped me find a meaningful end to my search. I do hope these processes will help you in tough times.

~ Elle

Disclaimer: please note I am not a professional, these are only my coping methods. Please contact a health professional if you need one.