Can You Please Stop Hugging Me Woman
Early in the morning.
WHAT THE FUCK!
It must have been in the middle of the night when I got brutally awaken by the noise in one of the bathrooms. I got myself (kind of) together, decided to check it out, so I stumbled out of bed.
To my surprise, there was a naked woman in the shower. (Yeah makes sense.) Amazing ass, great tits, and beautiful lips. She looked a bit young though. Maybe because she was petite. I would say 1 m 59 or something.
“Hi,” I said, “please tell me you’re 20 plus. Anyways, I am Roy and who the hell are you?”
“Are you for real man? Yesterday you told me your name was Filip. And by the way, I will be 30 in a few years. Sometimes I feel so old.”
I decided not to respond to that.
“What do you mean?” I asked.
”Are you okay, Filip? Do you want a line? But this is not cocaine.”
”Ketamine? Don’t tell me it’s speed. I don’t like that cheap shit.”
“It’s some kind of valium,” she tried to explain.
“Can you sniff valium? Whatever. Bring it on.”
She jumped out of the shower and started strangling me. For some reason, she seemed to be happy.
”Can you please stop hugging me, woman? I am not a human towel. Seriously. I have issues with strangers touching me. Don’t know how to deal with that shit.” My shrink tells me to be more open about it. Express my feelings. So voila.
“Babe,” she said, “promise me you will visit me in Moscow. You really should come and visit me.”
“ Ja ja ja,” I lied. “Listen, I am a bit confused… did we…?”
“ No, you passed out. Pretty early.”
“Okay. Yeah well, sorry for that. I have been on a roll for a couple of days. Carnival, you know.”
“Promise me you visit me in Moscow!”
”Can you please stop hugging me so I can take the fucking line? Thank you so much!”
The valium made me thirsty.
“Anyways,” I said, “Moscow. Yeah sure. Why not. I need to fix my passport though. But that has to be done anyway. I might visit you in the summer. We will probably be having these fucking heatwaves again. Mind you, I am also supposed to go to Amsterdam, Berlin, maybe Stockholm…. I don’t know.”
Good thing she didn’t get it. Things I say when I am still half asleep!
“Okay,” I said, “I need a beer, a whiskey, smoke, and then I am going to take a rest for at least 30 minutes. Feel free to join me. If not, make sure to close the door behind you.”
Much to my surprise, she joined me.
“Give me a reason to love you,” she whispered in my ear.
“That won’t be necessary,” I said.
The rest is history.
“Can I take the painting with me?”
“Be my guest.”
I already miss her. Lonely as I am.