Can You Ever Get Over Infidelity?
My Partner Had an Affair. Can Our Relationship Ever Work Again?
Recovering from betrayal is extremely difficult. I can tell you from personal experience that cheating on my husband was a horrible decision. He accepted me back and we repaired our marriage for many years before ultimately divorcing for different reasons. So, the answer is, yes, you can get over infidelity and repair your relationship if both people are committed.
As a relationship coach, I now work with couples and sometimes I advise they work through their problems, and other times I help them consciously uncouple. First, it is important to know why your partner looked outside of your relationship. For me, it was an emotional affair. I needed the deep conversations, the compliments, and the intellectual stimulation. But regardless find out why he or she looked outside so that you can both prevent that from happening again.
I would suggest you explore each other’s love language. The Five Love Languages, by Gary Chapman is an excellent book that I recommend every couple read. It explains how if we do not understand how our partner gives and receives love then we cannot properly communicate. We all need to feel loved, understood, and accepted, especially by our significant other. So, The Five Love Languages helps us discover and speak each others language.
The Five Love Languages
- Acts of Service
- Gifts
- Physical Touch
- Words of Affirmation
- Quality Time and Conversation
Next, your partner needs to forgive him or herself, and you also need to forgive him or her. Forgiveness is a difficult but necessary process if you intend to mend your relationship. As the person who has been betrayed you are allowed to ask questions. If you need details for closure, ask. But, after that, be prepared to let it go because continuing to reopen the wound will prevent you from ever being able to move forward and have a healthy successful relationship.
Finally, fall in love again. Spend time together doing things you enjoy. Never forget why you fell in love to begin with.
As far as being triggered and feeling hurt, that is perfectly normal and it may last a long time or even come and go. Your partner needs to be patient and understanding that you are deeply hurt. He or she should be completely transparent so that you can work to rebuild trust.
Meanwhile, some therapy or coaching may help build your own self-esteem and confidence which will naturally make you more attractive. Get therapy individually and as a couple. As the person who was betrayed on the surface you may feel confident, but deep down you will question what was not good enough about yourself. It has very little, if anything to do with you in reality, but you will still question yourself. And, as the person who cheated your self-esteem may have been low too. For me it sure was. It will be imperative you keep your word.
Remember, you are enough. Tell yourself positive mantras and affirmations as you go through this time of healing. Follow your intuition, your gut feeling. If your partner continues to lie or cheat then move on. Hold your standards high and set firm boundaries. Make your bottom line clear and know your self-worth. Things will get better one way or another. ❤️
