Can We Please Think of the Billionaires?
The Burden of Having So Much Money
I’m a billionaire. However, I’m not Bill Gates or Jeff Bezos rich, and my net worth of only $47 billion doesn’t even put me in the top 10. My earnings last year were $1.2 billion, which means I only made a measly $136,986.30 per hour. Pfft.
If you really think about it, I’m poor when it comes to billionaires.
That’s why I’m here to get you common folk to think long and hard about what you are doing to us billionaires when you talk about taxing us even more. Why would you want to do that? Aren’t we burdened enough by having all this money?
Think of my children, won’t you? If you tax me more, I might not be able to pay my kids’ way into some fancy college. They also probably won’t be able to afford that 26,000 square foot house anymore. With 12 bathrooms, a movie theater, bowling alley, and 10 car garage. I mean, if my children aren’t able to afford better things than most people (the poor), they won’t learn how much better they are. They might even end up having to live next to millionaires!
Please, no.
Let’s not even talk about not being able to afford to hire help to do everything for us. We might have to actually cook our own meals! And clean toilets. Oh, the horror!
Look, I get it. We all want to have healthcare and be able to get a good education. We all want to have food and stuff. Shoes, and a Lamborghini and private jets. But if some of these so-called presidential candidates get their way, I might not be able to do any of that!
I want you to look at the example above. According to one of the new calculators I found online, if you people get your way and this crazy wealth tax is imposed, I’ll have to pay $2.779 billion in taxes for the year. That means I will only have $44,221,000,000 left! Can you believe that?!? How absurd is it that you people expect me to live on $44 billion!
Think of me, my future, and my children’s future, will you? And their children. And their children’s children. Please don’t make me have to cook my own meals, clean toilets or have to drive a Porsche. I might not be able to afford that private island I’ve had my eye on! It even comes with a helicopter!
And even though he’s just a mere trust fund multi-millionaire, Donny Deutsch had it right when he said we will end up like f*cking Denmark if everyone gets health insurance! Do we really want to be one of the happiest countries in the world like them? Do we want to just give people health insurance?
Why should everyone get to be healthy?
Helping out my fellow man, woman or child is not my problem! I have my own kids to think about and if you people tax me more and give common folk health insurance, I might have to see these people at a hospital or in my doctor’s office! Luckily, my kids go to private school so I don’t have to worry about them mixing with commoners at the public schools.
Look, I want to be fair. I will concede I probably don’t need that 15th bedroom. I don’t think I’ve even been in that wing of the house. And I will admit that the Rolls Royce I just bought was because the 10th bay in my garage was empty and it looked weird. Do you know how hard it is to look at 9 cars next to nothing? I know, it’s as scary as it sounds. But leaving me with only $44 billion and some change is not the answer.
The good news is I’ve figured out everything without having to tax anyone. We can get through these hard times together if you just listen to me. It’s really not that difficult either.
So, below is my plan for those who are struggling like I would be if you people left me with only $44 billion.
- If you can’t afford to get sick, then don’t!
- If you can’t afford to get an education, then don’t!
- If your job doesn’t pay enough, then just go get another one that does!
- And finally, if none of that works, then lift yourself up by your bootstraps and work harder!
It’s that simple! See? How easy is that? It doesn’t require any taxation and everyone will be happy.
Just hopefully not like f*cking Denmark.
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