Summarize

Can They See Me?

A poem.

I enter the room of smiles & laughter.

It has been a struggle to get here.

I talked myself into coming.

I talked myself out of coming, but found the confidence.

It took hours.

My head couldn’t distinguish rational apprehension against the negativity.

Do they want me there?

Who will I talk to?

Do I look ok?

I want to look my best, I really do.

Really, it’s my thoughts working against me.

Of course I look ok.

People will welcome me – afterall I was invited.

As I proceeded further into the room, people turned,

They smiled & waved politely.

I joined a small group & began chatting.

Do they value my input?

(The word ‘value’ encompassing my thoughts.)

What were they really thinking about me?

How my perception felt isolating.

Screwed up thoughts preventing enjoyment.

Whatever made me think I was good enough to attend?

I was on self-destruct,

That little voice inside confirming it.

I bet everyone here has no time for negative emotion.

I bet no-one here relates to my thoughts.

Self-consciousness.

I am the phrase ‘you could be in a room with a thousand people & still feel alone’.

I am alone.

If they could see me,

Then what would they see?

Share your mental illness journey, poetry, and mental health tips by writing for Speaking Bipolar on Medium. Click here to find out how.