Can Running Help You Grieve?

Running forces the mind to focus. Step by step, it may help manage the emotional strain grief places on us.

“I just run. I run in a void. Or maybe I should put it the other way: I run in order to acquire a void.” — Haruki Murakami

Going through grief often feels like you are staring into an inescapable void. You litter your mind with what-ifs and worries, regrets, and the moments you wish you had shared with them. And this is normal and part of the process. The first few months, or even years, are dark voids. But taking up exercise, or more specifically, running, can help lighten that void.

Experts and doctors have long cited the connection between moderate exercise and getting over loss. There’s no single equation, as we all grieve in different ways, but allowing yourself to exercise — to move your body in the way that feels good to you — can help manage grief and the tumultuous emotions that come with it. The process of exercising can stimulate endorphins, making us feel less stressed and emotionally exhausted, which, in turn, can help lighten that dark void.

Running is often fraught with determining success based on pace, stats, and distance. However, when we alter our perception of it — by viewing it as an opportunity to simply move our bodies — it can become a useful tool throughout the grieving process. Dr. Erin Willer, an associate professor of Communication Studies at the University of Denver, has written about her relationship with running and how it helped with the loss of her baby,

“However, when I learned to surrender to running and my grief by taking things more slowly, I began to heal.”

The methodical nature of running can help us channel a void to manage our grief. Back in February, I had to come to terms with the sudden death of my brother, who was just twenty-four. After the denial, anger infused stage, I gradually turned to running to deal with my emotions.

I started running during the grieving process to craft a void for myself — I wanted it to be one where I didn’t have to worry about anything and could purely focus on the rhythms of running. The after-effects were greater mental clarity, stability, a sense of routine but importantly — a crucial distraction from everything else.

Managing grief is personal, as there is no set structure for coming out on the other side. Additionally, there’s no set pathway to progress, as it’s filled with ups and downs and setbacks. In other words, — it isn’t straightforward and often cannot warrant a direct explanation. However, from experience, I have found running — when I changed my relationship towards it — an essential outlet for managing my grief.

Running’s Mental Health Benefits Can Help the Grieving Process

We are firmly planted within a culture that promotes the physical benefits of exercise. Indeed, exercise does have physical benefits, but when going through loss, this shouldn’t be the focus. Rather than talking about running’s physical benefits, the conversation needs to be on the sense of emotional stability it can bring.

The physical strain running places on our bodies is enough to force the brain to shift its perspective. Studies on the brains of competitive runners have demonstrated a link between the frontal-parietal network and regions of the brain that is involved in self-control and working memory. Thus, this often causes what is known as the “runner’s high.” This so-called “high” can be used to ascertain greater clarity, focus, resilience, and emotional strength, all beneficial when going through grief.

In my experience, the process of running forces me to focus on one thing — the pain — and at that moment, I rarely have the mental capacity to think about anything else. As a result, I get a mental break in the form of a physical challenge. In the sweaty, glowy aftermath, I gain a sense of clarity, and my mind no longer races at one hundred miles an hour.

For me, running is a battle of the mind. Sure, it’s physically painful at times, but you can get over that with the right mindset. If you approach every run with a positive attitude, chances are, it will be better.

Once we start to view running as an emotional, rather than a physical outlet, it may help us within the grieving process. It’s an opportunity to escape from our worlds and all the difficulties within them, as we leave our lives behind just for a few moments. And afterward, it can make us feel more refreshed and relieved.

Re-Assessing Your Relationship to Running Will Make It a More Useful Tool for Managing Grief

For this process to work, an obsession with pace, stats, and distance needs to go. Going through grief can make you re-assess your relationship to exercise anyway, and we can use it as an opportunity to redefine what we should be getting out of it. By viewing exercise as simply movement, we remove those heavy expectations we place on ourselves to do better — which can often form a negative relationship with exercise or running.

Shifting that focus on viewing running as an opportunity for movement can provide a useful outlet that can alleviate “grief symptoms.” But the chain between running, expectations, and a cycle of negativity, must be broken, especially when running during a grieving process which is already causing a lot of mental strain.

Simply getting outside and moving for a short period can break that vicious cycle that grief can cause. But we must redefine our expectations of running in the process. If we put pressure on ourselves and our exercise expectations during periods of grief, it can be more detrimental. Therefore, we should view running as an opportunity for movement, as it removes these very ideals. In this way, you are naturally ditching those expectations about progress, and instead, running can be used as a chance for emotional release.

Every time I go out for a run, I carry no expectations with me. I don’t punish myself if I have to walk, or if my pace is slow or unsteady. If I hadn’t shifted my perspective, running would still be a form of physical challenge alone, which would never have helped me during the grieving process. I fell into the habit of running regularly, in search of that lost connection with my brother — who was a keen runner himself — but in the end, used it to manage my grief.

Running Can Create a Useful Element of Routine and Stability

Grief is naturally a rollercoaster of unpredictability. Although the grief cycle goes something like this: denial and isolation, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance, it is far more complex. Individuals do not necessarily go through all these emotions, or in that order. But importantly, you cannot pinpoint grief into one set process. In each stage of the journey, however, running may be able to help manage your emotions and deal with loss.

The methodical nature of running — placing one foot in front of the other, the mechanical swing of your arms — is a predictable act. It forces the mind to channel itself into a continuum of movement that fosters a sense of control. During experiencing grief and the emotional turmoil — this can be valuable, even if achieved in just a short moment in the day.

Focusing on these physical, meditative acts can give the mind a breather and a sense of stability. Scheduling in running as part of your routine can provide you with something to focus on and look towards. However, it’s essential to stop if you are noticing it is taking more of a mental toll on you than it gives.

The physical act of running is predictable and making it into a habit can create greater stability during a time where everything feels as if it is up in the air. Grief can make us feel a myriad of interchangeable emotions that can be hard to quell.

Running can never be a concrete solution — nor a remedy for everybody — but trying it could help you gain a sense of mental clarity. It’s pretty hard to ignore the leaden feel of your legs, the flush of your face, and the rapid beating of your heart as you place one foot in front of the other. Running forces us to be mindful and focus on the present, which can be invaluable.

The thought of going out running when you’re going through something awful, naturally, never sounds appealing. Running, or any form of exercise, can help you manage grief if you let it. By shifting your expectations to merely committing an act of movement removes the danger of heavy, unfulfilled expectations.

The world is continuously noisy and overwhelming, and when you lose someone close to you, it can feel as if the weight is too heavy to bear. Running gave me perspective, emotional release, clarity, and resilience. Although it must be stressed that this is purely my experience, and everyone’s experience of grief is different.

The grieving journey may never be complete. In many ways, you can never mourn the loss of a loved one altogether. Your memories of them stay with you, and that person will live on with you. Running is not a process whereby to forget about them, but more, to gain a sense of mental clarity. Running will never eradicate these difficulties, but can be a way in which to gain greater control over your life and help to manage the process of grief.

“All I do is keep on running in my own cozy, homemade void, my own nostalgic silence. And this is a pretty wonderful thing. No matter what anybody else says.” — Haruki Murakami