PERSONAL GROWTH | LIFE LESSONS | IGNORANCE

Can I NOT Accept Your Negativities?

A reminder that you have the power to reject people’s negativities and learn how to set up a simple emotional yield.

It doesn’t matter at work, at home, at school, on the streets, on the bus, or even on the cab, one might receive negativities, discriminations, and/or harshness of judgments.

There will always be the kind of people who likes to judge and criticize other people. For some of them, it cannot be controlled like it is in their nature. Some are intentional and some are not. No matter what’s the reasons, we do NOT deserve the negativities and harsh judgments for the things we did not do wrong.

At School

When I was in school, like 10 plus years ago, I’ve encountered those students, who just like to badmouth and judge their fellow classmates/schoolmates. Yes, they were kids, they were teenagers and they didn’t know any better. When I was on the receiving side (rarely, but it happened a few times), I had let them took me down. I had let them manipulate my emotions and it affected my studies.

So, are you, too, going to let those kinds of “friends” take you down and affect your grades, your studies, and your youth?

At Work

When I enter adulthood and started working, I’ve faced gossips and rumors. Those had led to misunderstandings and misconceptions about the real me. I didn’t know any better not to let my emotions took over. So, I ended up getting really upset which later affected my productivity at work.

I had also faced demanding and harsh superior (luckily that person was not my direct boss) who just like to criticize me for every little thing I did. That was really embarrassing in front of all the colleagues and the added stress was quite huge. I ended up letting that person overpower me and I broke down in tears in the end.

Again, are you, too, going to let those kinds of bosses and colleagues affect your productivity and cause you embarrassment? Are you going to let them get to you and later, indirectly affecting your family as well?

At Home

Back at home, I’ve faced my fair share of negativities. No matter how much I tried to be a good child, nothing can please my parents. They would nitpick me for almost everything I do for them. It’s not their intention to hurt me or make me feel sad, but little did I know what their intentions were when I was young. So, there were times I wanted to run away from home, and the times when I went to bed crying all night.

Do you also have the same problems as me? Or are you facing verbal abuses and emotional abuses (intentionally or unintentionally)? You have to know that you do not deserve to receive any kind of emotional abuse from anyone, in any way.

So, are you going to continue and let your loved ones manipulate your emotions?

In the Community

You can sense judgments everywhere. It’s easy to receive negativities quite often and more bluntly these days.

More than once, my taxi driver would get angry at me for not being able to direct them to the place that I, myself, also being the first time going. Or they would judge me for not being able to pronounce the street name “correctly” as they do. Then, when it happened, I did really get embarrassed and felt small, thinking that it was me who’s lacking.

Out there, you will see a lot of judgemental people and those blame-first-solve-later types of people. Are we going to let them abuse us emotionally?

The Ability to Ignore

We are humans, not robots. Once we hear harsh words, we would definitely get upset, angry, frustrated, get hurt, and/or feel worthless. No matter what kind of negativity we are receiving, our emotions will get involved somehow and we would end up getting hurt.

So, NO! We are not going to let that happen to us anymore.

Ignorance is bliss.

There are a few people who have mastered the art of ignorance. For them, the negativities can get to them no more. They will NOT be troubled by the negativities that people give. Negative opinions don’t matter to them anymore.

We want to be THAT kind of person.

“Can I NOT accept your negativities?”

To answer the question in the title:

“Yes, you can! You do not need to accept them.”

Before solving all the emotional abuse problems, the very first thing we must do is to set up emotional yield so that negativities cannot get to us anymore. We cannot solve any problem when we are affected emotionally. Our head wouldn’t be as clear as it is supposed to be.

1. Avoid interacting with negative people.

It’s simple and effective but it has constraints as mentioned in no. 2 below.

2. Don’t take it personally.

As much as you would like to avoid interacting with negative people, you cannot. Because they are key persons in your life, for example, your parents, your husband/wife, or your boss, etc.

Then, don’t take it personally.

Think of it like — If you were another person like your colleague or your sibling right now, they would also be receiving the same negativities as well.

By thinking it that way, you will come to see that it is NOT personal. You will realize that it is in their nature and start to learn to accept that trait. It’s not a good trait, for sure, and you will be able to solve that part later on. But, right now, it will help you not to affect your emotions and get your head to remain clear, at the very least.

3. Say NO!

Nope, it is definitely personal. You’ve seen how that person treats other people, and you realize that it is different from how they’ve been treating you. Then, you know it has become personal.

In this case, you just have to say:

“Nope! I don’t need your judgment or your negativity.”

Either you say it to them or just keep saying it in your head while listening to their negativities, in one ear and out the other.

A Simple Analogy

You can imagine this as receiving a present or a gift.

When somebody gives you a very nice present, you would say “Thank you. I appreciate it.” And you will be accepting the present. But, when somebody gives you something that you do not like, you would politely reject or you would accept it but throw it away later.

It’s the same with receiving negativities. If you don’t like it, don’t take it! Or just throw it away. Nobody can force you to receive what you do not like. You just need to discard those negativities before it gets to your heart.

This is the mindset that I’ve been practicing whenever I encounter with negativities or judgments. And so far, it works pretty well for me.

To sum up, it’s just one simple reminder really.

Don’t let negativities or negative people overpower you. DO NOT let them win.