ROAD TRIP

Can I Drink My Own Urine?

And other wilderness survival questions

Wild is a state of mind

Though I have friends and family that truly can survive in the wilderness, my exotic lifestyle has redefined my parameters for the ‘wild.’

Wild for me is currently driving my 3 ½-year-old grandson, Ian, for over 1000 miles. Trust me, some of the strongest people I know wouldn’t fare easily. Even my Marine brother would choose to hunt wild boar with just his knife over this venture. He has, and he will continue to enjoy the thrill, I suspect. In that excursion he is indeed adept; a toddler on a drive up the east coast of America would bring him to tears or even to the brink of insanity.

The trip is mapped for two days, hotels are planned, and food and drinks are on board to minimize stops.

I drink a lot of water.

So, imagine my dismay, four hours into our first leg of day one’s 8-hour drive, to have realized that I depleted my supply of carefully accounted-for provisions. My water didn’t last long enough. I resorted to sucking on the remaining cubes in my Yeti.

The thought of no water makes me a little light-headed.

As my bladder swelled and was yammering for some assistance, any relief, I looked back at the boy who decided it was time to doze.

Nobody in their right mind disturbs the peace.

I looked enviously at his diaper bag. I wondered if they came in my size. Not Depends, mind you. For long drives, he gets the extra-absorbent overnight variety. That’s what I would require. Maybe I can manufacture two of them together? This is a huge undertaking since I’m driving. I don’t even have duct tape to join them properly.

I am feeling the onset of slight delirium. The solution is right in front of me.

I have no water. I have to tinkle, maybe like a racehorse.

See what happens?

I try to smack my lips together but I am dry. So very, desert-esque, dry.

These two challenges come together in my mind. They actually feed off each other as they sing the solution to me.

I can pee into a cup and drink my own urine.

I won’t die after all!

I am a survivor. So, I ask Siri through my Bluetooth about this. Don’t judge, the best wilderness survivors probably bring matches for support. I have Siri. Unfortunately, she wasn’t a great help but that didn’t stop me from still needing to know hours later when we got to the first hotel.

In case you’re wondering, too, Web MD reports that it’s not a great idea. Long ago, urine was used in some manner to alleviate conditions such as asthma, migraines, and infertility. Science disputes any benefit to drinking your own urine due to the toxins and high sodium levels present. Drinking it to alleviate thirst is highly unlikely to help and may only make you more thirsty.

The movies are wrong. No one lost at sea or in any wilderness, like Interstate 95 in Georgia, should resort to a long, warm swig of their own urine.

When In Rome

The boy in the back awakened without a minute to spare. Maybe it was due to my cranked-up radio and out-of-tune singing voice. Freddie Mercury is not easy for many and I am no exception. But, I do love some Queen. Let the people around me suffer.

We took the first exit, still in Georgia mind you, and ran into the gas station’s mini-mart.

Eureka! The Ladies’ room was free and clear.

I was immediately confused. It’s a dual-potty setup. No stalls. No dividers. No nothing but two toilets sitting right next to each other.

Now I have to contemplate why it was constructed like this and what is expected of me. Do I leave the door unlocked so the woman running in, after me, with crossed eyes, is given the same opportunity for relief? Do we have to talk to each other? Or is that forbidden and we have to keep looking straight ahead?

Do strangers pee together in Georgia?

I didn’t have time for the niceties so I locked the door.

I felt like an elitist. But for the urgency, I was struck with the question of which one was I supposed to use. Is there preferred seating that I am unaware of? Of course, I’ll hover.

My life has been in somewhat of a holding pattern for a couple of years and I am feeling woefully inadequate to have embarked on this excursion. Was it too soon for this?

It was obvious that I was not yet prepared to take on the wilderness.

Day two should be interesting.

I won’t drink my own urine, that’s for sure.

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