Can Accepting Defeat Mean Winning?

The power of giving in, not giving up.

Sundays are cheat days. I eat whatever I want, how much ever I want and grumble about over-eating all day. How good does that sound? It sounds great to me! I started intermittent fasting about four months ago and have been pretty disciplined about following through. What I would like to talk about is the frame of mind I was in before making this decision and how it transcended into a complete shift of being.

2019 and early 2020 being one of the toughest years of my life, will be putting it mildly. For the first time, I understood what anxiety attacks meant, what being absolutely alone meant and what turning into an absolute wreck meant. I used to be the kind of person who ‘fixed’ life, took control of everything, regardless of how good, bad or tough it got, so ending up in this whole dark situation was uncharted waters.

What I failed to see was, I was nothing but a speck compared to what I was trying to be the boss of.

During that long excruciating period, my tipping point was, when out of the blue something intense and emotionally taxing hit me. I felt at a complete loss and was left sitting in the dark on my living room floor, alone and scared, wondering what was happening to me and how I ended up in this place. I used to be strong and ridiculously positive, everything about life got me charged up. I was successful, confident and knew without shadow of a doubt that I would make it through everything life offered me. Friends called me Sunshine, they cracked jokes about my ‘Off’ switch being broken

So why was I sitting on my apartment floor at 2 a.m with a bottle of wine, feeling completely desolate?

I remember picking up my phone and staring at it for so long, my fingers went numb. Then I sent my closest friend a text

‘I’m done. Let it come to me with all that it has.’

What I had unknowingly done was accept defeat.

Now I’d like to point out that this is not ‘negative’ as society has somehow constructed it to be. Defeat doesn’t necessarily have to mean giving up. In this particular instance, it just meant accepting something much larger than yourself for what it is. Acknowledging a situation and humbling yourself into a state of surrender.

This is the exact moment something shifted in my very essence, I was prepared to face something unknown.

I fell asleep exhausted. The next morning while I stood by my kettle waiting to start my day with coffee, my friend texted me asking if I was okay after what happened the night before. For the first time in a very long time, I replied

‘I’m okay. Whatever has to happen, will.’

That was also the first day I decided to skip breakfast and see what intermittent fasting was about.

One week later I was reading up on how affirmations worked, how to re-wire my mind, what part of the internet could I get my hands on to feel better, what a vision board meant, listening to binaural beats, the various kinds of meditations one can follow, what is Gaia, who is Dr Joe Dispenza, what does Kundalini Awakening mean, what do states of Samadhi mean, testimonials by people who’ve crossed similar bridges and much much more. I tried them all and did everything that caught my attention.

Today, I meditate for a minimum of two hours a day, some of the most profound experiences of my life have been through deep states of nothingness, having insights I never knew I was capable of, I look back and see my whole life for what it really is, not what I had made it out to be, understanding people from my past for who they really are and not what I had glorified them into, appreciating the people around me now and every little thing in my present for bringing me utmost fulfillment. This is a complete perspective shift.

I have given into the natural flow of being.

I sit here today, after shedding years of baggage, an ongoing process of ridding myself of unnecessary mental, emotional and societal constructs, a clear mind, a strong high vibration, I find myself in complete balance and synchronicity. The process is on going and I am in love with every bit of it. The very fact that I use such terms to describe my life, astounds me.

Accept what is and just be. Everything else will find its way.

Three months is all it took.

Think you can do it?

I know you can, because I did.