Can a relationship get back to normal after someone cheats?

Can a relationship recover after infidelity?

What was shared with the affair partner I will always wonder and know deep down that I won’t get any truth.

Did they talk about their marriage problems?

Was there the mention of me?

Could they have planned for a future together?

Was more shared with them than with me?

Did they trust them more?

Were they feeling closer to each other?

Foolish, angry and out of control, I will feel because I can never learn what exactly was said or done.

I will lose respect for myself. When I found out should I have left him, it’s always going to haunt me.

And that makes me worry that maybe, i am weak or naive or gullible, delusional, without self-respect and without any remaining respect from the cheater herself which others sadly think (and so do).

To think how could have rewarded someone who had betrayed me in such a terrible and meaningful way is something hard to accept.

My self-esteem was already crushed by this affair which means that my acceptance ultimately would destroy it completely.

I will get concerned that I am setting a bad example of what a relationship should be like for my kids.

On the other hand, people have always been warned against staying in relationships just for the sake of the children.

Moreover, I also taught them that betrayal at its maximum level is acceptable and it can be tolerated.

I will lose my self-esteem.

Am I not pretty enough?

Sexy enough?

Clever enough?

Interesting enough?

And so on and so forth when in fact it was not about me or anything I did wrong; rather, it was about him as a cheater.

There will never be another time when I feel “enough” for someone who chose to have nothing more to do with me.

Therefore, from my point of view we should never consider staying together after such infidelity as this ends up hurting both partners and paves way for lifelong pain, triggers, distrust, shame, embarrassment, doubts and insecurities whether or not the marriage needed to come to an end.

Whereas divorcing leads to more immediate anguish but ultimately better lives.

So according to how my life has gone down, relationships don’t ever return back to normal when one person cheated on the other.

Forgiveness means releasing feelings of resentment towards someone else.

A commitment rather than a feeling is required for forgiveness.

Unlike you, I do not necessarily feel better or get peace of mind after forgiving.

The feeling that comes with forgiveness doesn’t always stay the same.

There is no way I can personally dictate the emotional state of how I feel towards an atrocious act committed again.

My actions, thoughts, behaviors including my choices to forgive are within the sphere of control, but our feelings are not; they are beyond our direct control.

It’s normal to hold onto anger and resentment and want revenge too.

Although clutching at anger makes me feel vindicated, it does nothing to heal me.

I continually focus on what keeps me whole and makes my life better as well as complete.

This point was also true in terms of myself even though forgiveness was significant for this reason.

It’s good enough for perfection.

On many occasions each day I am reminded how fallible I am and yet I’m glad about it because never have been nor want to be.

Someone couldn’t please everyone.

If he were perfect would be doing so there would be no thrilling things, silly things, funky things or somber ones since everything has got to be scheduled.

What do perfect people talk about?

The longer it takes for me to accept this harsh reality, the more time it will take before moving on or feeling better.