Calm your empty-nester mind, by recognizing your adult children’s bravery
The great fall migration is happening again

Closing up the cabin, pulling in the dock or cleaning up the yard always signifies the end of summer. The days are becoming shorter, there’s a crisp in the air and anticipation in the breeze. As we move into fall, I reflect back on a great summer with family and feel so grateful. So many fun campfires and lazy days floating on the water & fishing or watching boats from the dock.
This year though, is different. Our youngest has moved out to college and our oldest continues her full time work at a hospital. Leaving us with an empty nest. Of course, with these transitions comes the angst and worry, right along with the pride. I know we’ve done our best to prepare them for adulthood, but did we do enough?
You have plenty of courage, I am sure. All you need is confidence in yourself. There is no living thing that is not afraid when it faces danger. The true courage is in facing danger when you are afraid, and that kind of courage you have in plenty.”― L. Frank Baum, The Wonderful Wizard of Oz
As young adults move into their phase of gaining independence, … bravery kicks in and is a necessity, otherwise, we’d possibly never leave home! For teens and young adults being brave is necessary to build confidence and assess their own abilities to make important or even risk-taking decisions.
If our young -adult children can be brave and try new things, continue to pursue their dreams, well I guess we adults left at home must also be brave. Let’s be brave enough to let them go.
In the words of Madonna,
“To be brave is to love someone unconditionally, without expecting anything in return. To just give. That takes courage ...”
It’s hard but what can we as empty-nesters do to let go and avoid worrying like crazy? … I’m always thinking, did we tell her to have her guard up? Did we talk about drinking, enough? Will they meet good people?
Here is my advice to help calm your mind and adjust to this new way of living without kids at home:
- Stay busy – tackle those projects you’ve been putting off. Get caught up on house projects, read that book you’ve been trying to find time for.
- Communicate in different ways. Be flexible in ways of communication. When they were at home it was easy to have dinner conversations: how was your day, what went well- highs and lows, etc. Now we need to seek them out but adjust to their mindset and availability. I find its helpful to ask if they have time to talk later, by sending a text! I find by sending a snapchat of what I’m doing, it gives them a chance to quickly show me what they’re doing as well. (I never understood Snapchat until now!) I’ve always thought…what a lazy communication method- I mean people don’t even think of something witty to add? Hey at least its a way to keep in touch- I get it now! Now that quick snap actually puts my mind at ease – they’re ok! She’s doing her laundry! She’s back in her dorm room, hooray!
- Relook at your own hobbies. Do you need to find a new hobby? Consider working on yourself- take that self help course you’ve been considering or reconnect with nature. Start the blog you’ve been wanting to start! What were the things you enjoyed, purely for yourself before you had kids? I look forward to having some time to paint, write, and be creative in other ways.
- Rekindle your romance with your spouse. Yes! We still have a relationship and it’s strong! Now we look forward to our own day trips, going to baseball games and just having ‘us’ time. Gone is the stress of running from activity to activity. We also just attempted some backpack camping- but that’s another whole story!
- Remind yourself of what you’ve taught them. How have you prepared your adult children to get this far? Realizing they’re reaching for their dreams or being self-motivated can be very rewarding for us as parents. This has helped me calm my mind when I think of all the good conversations we’ve had over the years- in preparation. I am also so appreciative of all those who’ve been in our lives – because it truly does ‘take a village’.
Adjustment to change can take some time, but is so necessary for us all. Give yourself time to adjust. They say, “you can never go home again”, well I think you certainly can and of course we’ll be anxious for our kids to come home again. It’s just that your home may never seem the same. You’ll be changed by experiences and hopefully have new perspectives. So for all you out there with kiddos who’ve moved on- even temporarily, lets find our own new perspectives and adventures!
This was a response to the prompt for September: Migration from Modern Women.
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