Call Me Kay

A self-introduction to Illumination & beyond

Hi, I’m Kay.

And I’m sure that introduction sounds just as awkward as I feel. You see, I’ve always had a lot to say but I’ve never been open to sharing it. I’m a very private person and vulnerability is my least favorite feeling — I’ve been avoiding it for the better part of my 29 years.

I’m still learning a lot about who I am, so telling someone about myself can be tough. And my aversion to sharing means my typical introductions only skim the surface of who I am. But I’m here to challenge myself, make genuine connections, and produce meaningful stories, so I’m going to try to give you a deeper look into who I am.

I was born and raised in the Bay Area and though I enjoy exploring outside of it, I’m not sure I’ll ever leave it permanently. I’ve worked in secondary education for the last five years and I love it. I hold a Bachelor of Science in Kinesiology, which I completed in 2014, and I finished a Master’s Degree in Kinesiology last spring.

I’m someone who likes to stay busy, and I need to be working towards something in order to be happy. In high school, I immersed myself in basketball. During my undergraduate studies I was always striving for top grades. When I started my Master’s program, I put my all into my thesis work. During my five years in my job I have received two promotions and established myself as a promising and successful person in my field of work.

Now that I’ve finished school, I’ve been kind of bored (though I do work 50+ hours a week). This is pretty much the first year I haven’t been in school since I was a kindergartener, and as a self-described lifelong learner I felt like something was missing. With my free time I’ve decided to invest in myself, which ultimately inspired me to start spilling my thoughts on Medium’s platform. I think the best way for me to let you into who I am is to tell you how I got here.

Back in July of 2019, two months after I had completed my education, I was back at work for our first faculty meeting of the new school year. As is customary, we were asked to pair up with a face we did not recognize and get to know each other. I looked across the room and saw a new science teacher, so I introduced myself and we started small-talk.

“So, what do you like to do in your free time?”

I’d been asked that question hundreds of times before, but this time was different. I frantically browsed my brain for my go-to answers:

“I’m in graduate school, so I don’t have a lot of free time!” “Right now I’m working on my thesis, so that’s taking up a good chunk of my time.” “I’m in school, so I spend most of my time focusing on my studies.”

OK, none of those things are true anymore. What do I like to do in my free time? Come on Kay, answer the question!

“I like running and baking.”

I could feel my face turning red as my palms started to clam up. Running and baking?! I haven’t gone for a run in nearly five years and I only bake when I don’t know what to get my mom for Mother’s Day. I quickly changed the subject, but this encounter lingered with me for weeks.

Why was that question so difficult? Apparently I didn’t know what I liked to do in my free time. I had spent the last nine years in college and working my first full time job. In that time I had neglected to prioritize doing things for myself. Sure, I wanted to earn my college degrees and I definitely liked the job that I had. But were those accomplishments only for myself? Absolutely not. I went to college to make my parents proud, I went on to graduate school because I thought it would make me stand out in my career, I busted my tail at my job to show society that I was productive. My pride in those accomplishments was partially dependent on how other people viewed my success. So now what can I do that’s just for me?

Hobbies. I’m 29 years old and I don’t have a single hobby. I haven’t had one since I played basketball 11 years ago. That revelation was kind of embarrassing, but more than anything it made me sad. I had accomplished so much in my life, but I had lost sight of what was most important. My own happiness.

As I searched the internet for guidance and inspiration, I came across Medium. I have always loved writing, and I’ve been told I’m good at it. But my writing had become strictly academic or professional, and I couldn’t remember the last time I wrote for my own creativity and self-expression. I joined and almost instantly wrote my first piece. As soon as I hit ‘publish’ I felt a rush of pride and accomplishment. I was so excited to wake up the next morning and do it all over again. This was it, I had a hobby and something that I could do purely for my own enjoyment. I haven’t even told anyone in my life about this hobby yet. In a way I want to protect it from becoming something that people expect me to do, I want it to be something that is only for me.

So, that’s me. I’m a hardworking people-pleaser who’s learning how to prioritize my own happiness and documenting my experience on Medium. In my free time I like to write about self-discovery and finance, and I’ve been dabbling in yoga for the last few weeks. I’m so happy to have found a passion that I can immerse myself in, and I hope my stories add valuable content to this platform. So, don’t be a stranger! I’m excited to write for Illumination and more importantly, looking forward to making connections.