Summary

The text reflects on the balance between making decisions based on logical calculations and taking leaps of faith, emphasizing the unpredictability of life and the importance of embracing both approaches.

Abstract

The author delves into the internal struggle of making significant life decisions, weighing the pros and cons in a logical manner, yet feeling an intuitive resistance to the calculated outcome. Despite the apparent clarity provided by reason, a deeper part of the self calls for reevaluation beyond logical constraints. The narrative suggests that life's answers often lie beyond our mental constructs and that both faith and calculation have their place. It acknowledges the uncertainty of life's trajectory, the inevitability of change, and the growth that comes from embracing the unknown. The author concludes that while calculations are necessary for daily functioning, they are not foolproof, and a leap of faith can lead to unimagined possibilities. The text encourages acceptance of life's unpredictable nature, learning from failures, and transcending the dichotomy of success and failure to grow into infinity.

Opinions

The author values logical decision-making but acknowledges the limitations of relying solely on calculations.
There is a recognition that life often pushes individuals out of their comfort zones, which is seen as an opportunity for growth.
The text suggests that an over-thinking mind can be an obstacle to decision-making, and sometimes it's best to let life take its course.
Faith is not dismissed; instead, it is presented as a complementary force to calculations, essential for experiencing the full spectrum of life's possibilities.
The author believes that failures are not detrimental in themselves but that the inability to learn and move beyond them can be ruinous.
There is an emphasis on the idea that no decision is perfect and that every action is a mix of imperfection and good outcomes.
The author advocates for rising above limiting cravings and aversions, suggesting that personal growth is paramount regardless of the decision made.

Calculated Decisions or a Leap of Faith?

Faith is as disembodied, as calculations are distinct.

A look back at life will throw open a very random and chequered history of the dominance of one over the other, for no apparent or justifiable reason.

Last night, very much into the annals of the pre-dawn hours, I still tossed in troubled wakefulness. In front of my sleepless eyes stood one of the major impending decisions of my life. Like every sane adult who lives inside excel sheets, I too made two columns with my hazy thoughts. One I named, ‘Pros’, the other — you know.

I summoned every ounce of my logic and reason, and then churned every prospect in the cauldron of my mind to fill the columns with as much sense as I could. I tried predicting every possibility that life could throw up. I brought into consideration every inconceivable consequence. At the end of the exercise, the ‘Pros’ column brutally lost the battle to its opponent. My calculations made their answer known to me.

I should have been happy. I was now a step closer to my decision. I should have relaxed into slumber. But that did not happen. A strange and stronger part of me began retaliating. It was not happy with the answer and demanded a reevaluation.

But how could I have reevaluated? I had already exhausted every logical possibility with as thorough a 3:30am mindful calculation, as can be. So, here I am, several hours later, still awake, still battling the decision demon, still undecided.

There is a good enough chance that in the moments when you should have relied on calculation, you chose faith and vice versa. Where is the end to this? What is a definitive solution to this?

So, this morning as the dawn promised new prospects, I dared and ducked the responsibility to make a decision. I wrote a tiny note to myself that read -

I will not force its happening.

I will not resist its happening.

May thy will be done.

May it happen from that space beyond my mind, beyond my craving and aversion.

Too many times, the only thing standing in the way is my over-thinking mind. I am learning that in such moments the best deal is to move myself out of the way and allow life to find its own answers.

Yes, more often than not, it does push you to places you wouldn’t like to go. Life loves to pull you out of your comfort zone, out of your circle of security.

But isn’t that the whole deal? Isn’t this human birth an opportunity to grow out of limitations and into infinity?

I know I am sounding biassed towards faith. But I am not in favour of ditching calculations either. Calculations are important to go about your day and create the collective of your days, which becomes your life.

But calculations are as uncertain as the future. You fall in love and promise to grow old together. You began building your life like you have an eternity of days together. A couple of years later, you fall out of love, you find someone else, or your partner meets with an accident never to breathe again. All your calculations fall flat!

I take another look at life.

One thing that we all have done again and again is that we have begun again and again. We have reset our calculations again and again.

I am not the same adult that I had calculated to be when I was eight years old. There is a great chance that you too are not that doctor, astronaut, or teacher. There is a great chance that you are not that mother that you had calculated to be, you are not that daughter that you had calculated to be. You may have calculated a stellar career, while now you have prioritized caring for ageing parents and raising your children.

For me, following a long bearded, white robed, spiritual guru to his ashram, to serve humanity as a ‘sevak’, after I had completed a PhD, and had a promising academic career in waiting, featured absolutely nowhere in my calculations.

But here I am.

Having done that I know that I could never ever have touched the unimagined possibilities of life had I remained within the confines of my calculations. Only a leap of faith has brought me here.

But then, what if we fail? What if the leap of faith lands us face down with a loud thud?

So what? How many times have we already failed in life? I fail everyday, at least six times before breakfast. (Thank you Lewis Carol for that scale of measurement). Have my failures jeopardized my life? A resounding, no.

No one, absolutely no one is ruined by their failures. We are ruined by our failure to grow out of those failures. We are ruined by our failure to accept and learn and walk ahead of our failures.

Moreover, I am now even learning to grow out of the impulse to define life by the parameters of mistakes, loss, gain, success or failure. I am learning that whichever path I choose to walk, there will be these and more.

There will be good days and bad days whatever I choose to do. No choice is invincible. I will make mistakes and fail on days, and I will win on days.

Gurudev Sri Sri Ravi Shankar writes in his commentary elucidating the verse 4.17 of Bhagawad Gita,

“Unfathomable are the ways of action because there is no action which is perfect. In every action, there is some imperfection and in every imperfect act also, there is some good outcome. When it is such a mix and such a mess, confusion is natural!”

So, I am learning to embrace the confusion. Be it faith or calculation, it will be just fine as long as I have learnt to look beyond the individuals, events and experiences. It will be fine as long as I have learnt to grow beyond my little mind. I

t will be just fine as long as I have used the decision to train myself to rise above my limiting cravings and aversions. It will be fine as long as I have taught myself to grow into infinity.