Caitlyn Loane, the 19-year-old Australian Tik Tok Sensation who Committed Suicide is a Sad Commentary on Today’s Teenagers
Social media has made our lives worse, here is what parents and educators can do to help kids and young people
Our relationship with the internet, social media and our devices are toxic, it’s time we admit it.
We all struggle with an addiction that has been normalized and is socially acceptable; a phone addiction. It is the first thing we check in the morning and the last thing at night.
While social media is a loyal servant, it is also a horrible master. It is great to use it to promote our brand, build our businesses, form useful positive connections, and appreciate the culture and lives of people who live on far distant foreign shores.
It is horrible when we lose our ability to control what consume and when it is used to inspire hate, unhealthy comparison, and low self-esteem.
We are the most discontent generation and ironically, the most disconnected from the realities of our families and friends. This is because we view their lives through perfectly curated and filtered pictures online.
Social media makes it feels as if one is competing with strangers. The pressure is intense, the exposure unsustainable. The need for followers, likes and validation from complete strangers is insanely addictive
It is particularly difficult for young people, who were born post-digital explosion, these ones find it impossible to exist outside the “noise” of social media.
Since the demography with the largest number of users on social media is teenagers and young people, we are often bombarded with content from them. It is an interesting twist to life, in the past we had, older, accomplished people providing time-proven wisdom. Today some of the most popular influencers are mostly people in their Twenties, Thirties, and Teens.
One viral moment on Instagram or YouTube, and they are bestowed with an Influencer badge. This vague job role of influencing a steadily increasing group of strangers, whilst also constantly seeking their validation takes its toll on many influencers.
It is for this reason that a seemingly bright, healthy 19-year-old would commit suicide. Depression is at an all-time rise, and teens and young people appear to be the greatest victims!
Why is this, and what we can do to help our kids and young people? Here are some suggestions.
First off, pay attention to their mental health.
A lot has been said about mental health, but not enough has been done regarding it. Whether your child is a creator or consumer, you must pay attention to their mental health.
An introverted teenager suddenly receives global attention because of one viral Tik Tok dance, have you asked how she is mentally prepared to deal with such attention, or how she intends to manage the expectations of One Million new followers who ravenously and insatiably devour her content?
A great way to start is to have open honest conversations. Be non-judgmental, ask the right question, observe behavioral changes, and listen to what they say. Therapy should be readily provided and easily accessible.
Also, there is a “god” of monetization that has permeated the online content creation community, and a hustle culture that encourages more work and little rest.
You take a break from Instagram, and you are afraid you’ll lose your followers, you fall behind your schedule on YouTube, you fear you’ll lose some subscribers. You fail to write on medium, you just may never qualify for that coveted writer bonus!
The more you create, the better your chances of earning more income. The more your audience consumes, the more they demand. It is a never-ending circle, like a monster that needs to be constantly fed.
A work “ethic” that drains you mentally and physically is not a healthy one.
It is unfortunate that young people put themselves under this kind of pressure and it is unfair to require it of them. Teenagers and young people, particularly young influencers should be encouraged to take a break from their online activities, even at the cost of pecuniary benefits.
In fact, everyone should be encouraged to take a break when they need it, whether its a Naomi Osaka or Simeon Biles.
Take the Phones away!
We all struggle with the discipline to put our phones away. The temptation to scroll through yet another post read just one more tweet, and watch that one last video is too hard to resist whether you are 40 or 15!
Yet, series of studies have shown an obvious connection between an increase in social media usage & consumption and an increase in anxiety and depression. Conversely, a decrease in social media use was also reported to have resulted in a decrease in depression and an increase in general well-being. If a decrease in screen time means having happier kids, it makes sense that we should encourage and promote it.
But it isn’t as easy as it sounds, prior to becoming a parent, I had boasted of how I would reduce the screen time of my kids, I had it all planned out. They would read books, spend time with nature, paint, draw, and enjoy human interaction in the most physical way possible. Oh! how ignorant, I was.
As with most parents, I grapple with controlling my son’s screen time and I often allow him to spend more time than he probably should with his device, it’s a serious struggle.
For the older generation, adulting often gets in the way, the challenges of living and existing often overshadows the slick veneer of social media. A sick child to care for, bills to pay, a tough career decision to make, deadlines to meet, and general adulting responsibilities, we are compelled to drop our devices, howbeit for a moment.
The relationship between teens and their devices, on the other hand, is quite tricky. Teenagers will never willingly stay away from their phones unless they are compelled to and a good place to start with is the schools.
The issue of whether cell phones should be banned in schools has been debated repeatedly. A compelling reason why this should be done now more than ever is the increased distraction it now poses.
A cellphone ban in schools may seem authoritarian, yet it may be the single most important thing we can do for digital natives to help curtail social media addiction. It will provide them an opportunity to connect and relate with their colleagues in ways they may have never experienced before. We owe it to digital natives to give them screen safe spaces to form actual human interaction and exist at the moment.
We should not just encourage our Teenagers to put their phones away, we should enforce it!
Formally introduce Social Media Etiquette into school curriculums and syllabus for Pre-teens and early teenagers.
Social media is a settled part of our existence. The big techs are constantly working at improving the user experience and functionalities of the existing platforms, and it is expected that newer and more engaging platforms will be created in the coming years.
If this is the case, it is only wise that we prepare pre-teens for the world of the internet. While parents bear primary responsibility in ensuring their kids are properly guided before getting on these platforms, yet a formal curriculum developed for this purpose would make the process a lot more effective and seamless.
Topics like managing cyberbullies and trolls, tolerance for opposing views, mental health care, the art of influencing, building mental resilience can be and should be taught in our schools.
We need to teach preteens and young people that online savagery isn’t cool, and encourage them to be thoughtful, kind, and respectful!
Recently, media personality Christy Teigen was accused of online bullying, which made some of her victims depressed, while some allegedly contemplated suicide.
Teigen has since apologized and explained that she acted ignorantly. It is interesting that at the time, she made those mean tweets, she was roundly praised online for her impeccable savagery skills, her “clap backs” were second to none, she was the “darling” of Twitter!
It is also fascinating and mind-blowing to watch how those same applauders are calling for her cancellation today.
The point here is that online savagery, especially on Twitter, is a thing. There is something that desensitizes us and makes us lose our humanity when we are behind a keyboard, there seems to be a savagery competition on who does it best.
Online comments have real-life consequences and sometimes these consequences can be fatal. A few years ago, a teenage boy trended on Twitter for allegedly raping a lady, he was trolled, insulted, and received numerous death threats. He later killed himself, it turned he was innocent. We hear these kinds of sad stories all the time and NO! we should not normalize this.
Teaching our kids to bring their humanity online and conduct themselves with decorum on this platform may help stem this tide.
Cancel proof your kids future by encouraging them to use Avatars while starting out on social media
Consider this the courtship period before the marriage, after all, it’s probably gonna be a lifelong relationship.
If kids are taught to be kind and thoughtful online, why use an Avatar one may ask, because no one is perfect, and kids often make wrong choices.
We know that every saint has a past and every sinner has a future yet we have seen people “canceled” for something that they tweeted when they were young, stupid, and ignorant. They may apologize genuinely and may have changed sincerely, but the culture of ruining lives, careers, and businesses over a past social media post is a disturbing reality of the world we live in.
Recently, Facebook reminded me of some posts I wrote years ago and they were utterly cringeworthy! I certainly wouldn’t make those posts today. Nobody deserves to be judged by their past behavior if they have changed genuinely.
Finally, we must hold the big techs accountable. I heard a comedian describe Twitter as the “cesspool” of the internet because the vilest and most damaging comments are made and shared on this platform. He wasn’t wrong.
While it is impossible to completely manage user-generated content online, we must consistently advocate for improved Algorithms and AI to track, remove, and penalize online bullies, so that these platforms are at the minimum, moderately clean and safe for everyone! Right now, most online platforms, reek of filth.