Cage Spotting

I met a pair of sisters yesterday. They looked to be in their 30s. The younger one was clearly being led by the older one. And I could tell by the maternal tone of the older sister she felt she was being very kind and protective of the younger sister. It was sweet.

I was struck by the inherited nature of the younger sister’s points of view. I’m sure her parents and others bestowed innumerable fears and beliefs upon both sisters. But in that moment, it was the fears and beliefs of the older sister that were so clear to see. As we talked, I could see her steering and controlling the conversation according to her beliefs, biases and desires. None of this is uncommon, it’s as common as air. We all do it.

I imagined the younger sister to be an exotic bird, kept in a cage. By now, she was probably so used to being in a cage, she didn’t even realize it anymore. And, had she not been in that cage, I would probably never have met her. So I was grateful for having met her, and sad that she was being kept in a cage.

We all are in our own cage. And, we have been in these cages for so long that it takes a great deal of effort to even see the cage. But the cage is there. In fact, if you doubt that the cage is there, just try to leave. The cage will not forget that you are in the cage. What does it look like to try and leave the cage? Try to imagine what it would be like if you were to instantaneously have become conscious in this precise moment. Who would you be? What would you do? I’m not talking about fabricated labels like name, serial number, etc. I’m talking about your intrinsic nature. How would you navigate this experience we call life? Divorced from prior beliefs about ourselves and about the world, who are we? How do we discover who we are? How do we see our cage?

Let’s start with “What do the bars of the cage look like?” The cage is made of beliefs about ourselves and about the world. “I am a mammal” is a pretty innocuous-sounding belief. And, for most of us, it holds very little weight in how we look at ourselves or make decisions. But “I am a patriot” probably arouses much more imagery about what that means, and how we should/shouldn’t act. And if that’s a belief of yours, it could affect what choices you make and how you feel about yourself. We have thousands upon thousands of beliefs like this. Some stronger than others. Some fuzzier than others. But they all work together to form the cage.

We can only know who we are by being who we are, divorced from our past. And, everyone sucks at doing it at first. And, everyone slips back into their cage over and over and over again, for the rest of their life. And, everyone wonders if they’re doing it right. And, everyone wonders if there’s something wrong with them. And, everyone wonders if they’re worth the effort. And, yes, you are worth the effort. Living your truth is worth the effort.

We have the key to the cage. We can choose to be free. But know that we have been deeply conditioned to live in our cage. At first, we may will feel more comfortable living in our cage than we feel being freed. We have to acknowledge that reality, even if we don’t wish it to be true. And, the cage can be very subtle. It takes patience and persistence to keep spotting your cage.

That’s the grind. That’s the everyday, every moment, coming back to Groundhog Day reality of life. But it’s worth it. Every gasp of freedom restores us a little closer to who we were before we were caged.

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