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owel will do — and you are RBG. ‘Cuz nothing says sexy like women’s rights.</p><h2 id="b672">A Bed</h2><p id="ed29">All the women I know over 50 think a nap is the sexiest thing they could ask for. Carry a pillow and wrap yourself in a sheet, toga style. Don’t forget the jammies because showing off your wings is definitely not sexy. For that extra special sex appeal, a mouth guard, eye mask, and earplugs should do the trick, <i>or treat</i>. Find a corner and really own that costume if the clock ticks past 7 pm.</p><h2 id="b537">A Selfie Filter</h2><p id="4671">Remember that veil you wore on your wedding day? Take it out of that sealed box and wear it over your face. For a real TikTok look, spray it with glitter. Damn girl, you look fine!</p><h2 id="dc35">Vodka</h2><p id="42d8">Just hold vodka. You will be the sexiest girl there.</p><h2 id="890f">Swiss Cheese</h2><p id="cdac">Wrap yourself in a sheet and cut a hole around the bits you moisturized. Sexy skin makes you a snack.</p><h2 id="ddc3">Crazy Cat Lady/Hugh Hefner</h2><p id="d2c1">Put on a robe and slippers (optional clothing underneath makes it sexy). Call yourself crazy cat lady, nana, or Hugh Hefne

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r it really doesn’t matter. Comfort is sexy!</p><h2 id="6b04">Alone Time</h2><p id="d43c">Put a clock over your face and BAM you have it. So hot!</p><h2 id="54fa">Sexy Witch/Zombie</h2><p id="f2b1">This can be done in so many easy ways but my favorite is to wear all the clothes in my partner’s closet that he doesn’t wear but claims to ‘need’. Cut them randomly so you swish when you walk to the bar. Heads will turn! Don’t bother to wash or tame your hair and the makeup you wore three days ago you forgot to remove is hot as hell. Paste on your best, ‘get the fuck away’ look and you’ll have the men smoking in your cauldron in no time or begging for more of your brains. Brains=sexy.</p><h2 id="8462">Sleeping In</h2><p id="2611">Carry an alarm clock. It won’t give you the time but it won’t wake you up. Hubba Hubba!</p><h2 id="ddcd">Hot Flash</h2><p id="f8cb">Just be yourself. Carry your fan and your icepack with pride. Your suitors will think you’re hot, hot, hot. And they’d be right, right, right.</p><p id="20ab">See you at the bar before 8 pm. At 8:01 pm sexy time is over and bedtime is on like Donkey Kong. The kids still say that, right?</p></article></body>

HALLOWEEN COSTUMES

10 Sexy Halloween Costumes for Women Over 50

Move over sexy nurse, it’s sexy Vodka.

This is not sexy if you are over 50! Look at those heels! Photo by Dmitry Vechorko on Unsplash

It can be a struggle to find something sexy to wear to all the Halloween parties you get invited to when you ripen. I’ve tried sexy old lady, sexy older lady, and sexy octogenarian.

This year I thought, “Damn, I’ve been locked up a long time, I need to show off my sexy body.” Seriously, no one in the universe over fifty said that.

But, if you want to be sexy this Halloween, and I know you do because you’re reading this, here is my list of the sexiest costumes for women over 50.

RBG

A black sheet and a white-collar — a tea towel will do — and you are RBG. ‘Cuz nothing says sexy like women’s rights.

A Bed

All the women I know over 50 think a nap is the sexiest thing they could ask for. Carry a pillow and wrap yourself in a sheet, toga style. Don’t forget the jammies because showing off your wings is definitely not sexy. For that extra special sex appeal, a mouth guard, eye mask, and earplugs should do the trick, or treat. Find a corner and really own that costume if the clock ticks past 7 pm.

A Selfie Filter

Remember that veil you wore on your wedding day? Take it out of that sealed box and wear it over your face. For a real TikTok look, spray it with glitter. Damn girl, you look fine!

Vodka

Just hold vodka. You will be the sexiest girl there.

Swiss Cheese

Wrap yourself in a sheet and cut a hole around the bits you moisturized. Sexy skin makes you a snack.

Crazy Cat Lady/Hugh Hefner

Put on a robe and slippers (optional clothing underneath makes it sexy). Call yourself crazy cat lady, nana, or Hugh Hefner it really doesn’t matter. Comfort is sexy!

Alone Time

Put a clock over your face and BAM you have it. So hot!

Sexy Witch/Zombie

This can be done in so many easy ways but my favorite is to wear all the clothes in my partner’s closet that he doesn’t wear but claims to ‘need’. Cut them randomly so you swish when you walk to the bar. Heads will turn! Don’t bother to wash or tame your hair and the makeup you wore three days ago you forgot to remove is hot as hell. Paste on your best, ‘get the fuck away’ look and you’ll have the men smoking in your cauldron in no time or begging for more of your brains. Brains=sexy.

Sleeping In

Carry an alarm clock. It won’t give you the time but it won’t wake you up. Hubba Hubba!

Hot Flash

Just be yourself. Carry your fan and your icepack with pride. Your suitors will think you’re hot, hot, hot. And they’d be right, right, right.

See you at the bar before 8 pm. At 8:01 pm sexy time is over and bedtime is on like Donkey Kong. The kids still say that, right?

Halloween
Over 50
Halloween Costumes
Humor
Satire
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