Things We Eat But Why
a prospectus by kelly catchpole and Ernio Hernandez
Meringues. Finally, styrofoam you can eat.
Clamato. For the man who wants to settle his stomach by taking a swig of something with the texture and flavor of what is already in his stomach; fighting fire with fire, in a manner of speaking/
Popcorn. Oh, this? It’s just this essential grain I’ve been cultivating for millennia, literally what did it even look like, no one actually knows, it’s the OG-GMO. Anyway, then I control-detonated it.
Lobster. This giant sea cockroach was noisesome and numerous and so I boiled him alive.
Veal. Because, why wait?
Lettuce. Some leaves were bad to eat, and gross and poison, but as it turned out, these leaves were good to eat, not poison, slightly gross.
Corn flakes. Cure your hunger AND your hopeless masturbation addiction.
Olives. Oh, this? Found it in a tree, plopped it in this lye bath I had lying around, then fermented it in a salt brine for an indeterminate amount of time until palatable. Here, taste this tapenade.
Potatoes and Carrots and Parsnips. Secret underground dirt-bonuses. Mole vegetables we chose to eat. Creepy, knobby subterranean alien pods. Mild and boring, totally generic and palatable to a fault, but I just don’t like to look at them too long, you know?
Bread, at all. Oh, this? I had some seeds and then I ground those seeds to a fine powder, mixed them with a leavening agent I also happened to have, just hanging around, set them on a gentle fire and thought “this is the good stuff.”
That’s it.